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Holidays & Trauma, Holding Both
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673591" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p><span style="font-size: 12px">ex·co·ri·ate</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">ikˈskôrēˌāt,ekˈskôrēˌāt/</span></p><p><em><span style="font-size: 12px">verb</span></em></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">past tense: <strong>excoriated</strong>; past participle: <strong>excoriated</strong></span></p><ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol"><span style="font-size: 12px">formal<br /> censure or criticize severely.<br /> "the papers that had been excoriating him were now lauding him"</span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol"><br /> <span style="font-size: 12px">MEDICINE<br /> damage or remove part of the surface of (the skin).<br /> synonyms: <a href="https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+abrade&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIHjAA" target="_blank">abrade</a>, rub away, rub raw, <a href="https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+scrape&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIHzAA" target="_blank">scrape</a>, <a href="https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+scratch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIIDAA" target="_blank">scratch</a>, <a href="https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+chafe&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIITAA" target="_blank">chafe</a>; More</span></li> </ol><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> I had to look up excoriated, it is a new word in my vocabulary. So, is it definition 1. or 2.? For me, it is both, because, 1.) I know there are members of hubs family who are criticizing our detachment. Also, my d cs are out there bad mouthing and censuring us. 2. I think the feeling of numbness is also like when we first are wounded, and we really don't feel the damage. Like when kids get hurt and they don't cry, then they see the blood- WAAAAHHH! Excoriated, good word Cedar. You are like Readers Digest, with your vocabulary. Increase your vocabulary through Cedars postings. Thank you Cedar. I am glad for dictionary websites.</p><p></p><p> We are at different stages in this, I think you have hit anger,</p><p>"Dammit I am wounded and it f'ng hurts.</p><p>"And I am at "WTF happened?"</p><p> For me, a floaty, otherworld feeling.</p><p></p><p> Good. I can't even send the grands stuff. It is not their fault, it is not their doing. Okay, I am mad about that. My eldest grand said to me, before "My mom owes me $80.00, Tutu, she took my birthday money and promised to pay me back." UGH. My #2,#4 buy them clothes and cut the tags off, so the parents cannot return the clothes for money, and spend it on themselves. UGH. When I think of these things, the numb turns to anger. UGH.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Accepting, yes, it is hard, it sucks.</p><p> Screaming and running sounds like a great idea.</p><p></p><p> Me, too, except my hair doesn't need to be combed. </p><p>Sackcloth, ashes, something that screams out the reality that we are dealing with. </p><p>An armband, a tattoo, a branding, that represents the wound so deep, inside of us that we try so desperately <em>to not let show</em>, in our daily lives. </p><p>We would become zombies, I fear.</p><p></p><p><em> I am tired of it.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you Cedar, it is the same for me, with my grands.</p><p>Then also, they are wild. I call them my "hooligans." When they have been with us, they are blatantly disrespectful of property, surroundings, and sometimes us. It is not their fault, all of their lives in such a tumult. Then I wonder Cedar, what have their parents spoken of us, in view and hearing range of our grands?</p><p></p><p>A diversionary tactic. Numbing does not work, the baggage multiplies.</p><p> It could be Cedar, hope has passed, it is what it is, so how to deal with the acceptance, that change is not happening for our d cs?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Robot mode. Getting out of robot mode, role to real.</p><p> Exposed, we are exposed.</p><p></p><p> I think this is a goal point.</p><p></p><p> Yes, explore the unknown, as if we were a recently discovered universe. After all the pie, I <em>am</em> a universe today.</p><p></p><p> The armband, the patch, something to remind us of how incredibly strong we are. </p><p>To be able to hold ourselves together, while everything fell apart around us.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is true, but now we have CD and each other, to share the real with. One cannot go around unloading on everyone. Sheesh, we would be the life of the party, then wouldn't we? But, here, it is safe. We understand.</p><p> It is. This is the first time I have really been able to share my innermost thoughts. That is probably why I am numb, it is freeing, and yet exhausting at the same time. I am turning my insides out, like a pillow case, grabbing it from the end with one fell swoop "<strong><em>shippaaaack"...... </em></strong>except, I am doing the opposite, grabbing my deepest feelings from my toes, shippaaack, and turning them inside out.</p><p></p><p>Excoriated, my entire body, raw, skinless, exposed. Huh</p><p></p><p>Ewwww.</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673591, member: 19522"] [SIZE=3]ex·co·ri·ate ikˈskôrēˌāt,ekˈskôrēˌāt/[/SIZE] [I][SIZE=3]verb[/SIZE][/I] [SIZE=3]past tense: [B]excoriated[/B]; past participle: [B]excoriated[/B][/SIZE] [LIST=1] [*][SIZE=3]formal censure or criticize severely. "the papers that had been excoriating him were now lauding him"[/SIZE] [*] [SIZE=3]MEDICINE damage or remove part of the surface of (the skin). synonyms: [URL='https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+abrade&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIHjAA']abrade[/URL], rub away, rub raw, [URL='https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+scrape&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIHzAA']scrape[/URL], [URL='https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+scratch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIIDAA']scratch[/URL], [URL='https://www.google.com/search?espv=2&biw=1118&bih=862&q=define+chafe&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjNwPW6pbHJAhUOxWMKHbcEDY4Q_SoIITAA']chafe[/URL]; More[/SIZE] [/LIST] I had to look up excoriated, it is a new word in my vocabulary. So, is it definition 1. or 2.? For me, it is both, because, 1.) I know there are members of hubs family who are criticizing our detachment. Also, my d cs are out there bad mouthing and censuring us. 2. I think the feeling of numbness is also like when we first are wounded, and we really don't feel the damage. Like when kids get hurt and they don't cry, then they see the blood- WAAAAHHH! Excoriated, good word Cedar. You are like Readers Digest, with your vocabulary. Increase your vocabulary through Cedars postings. Thank you Cedar. I am glad for dictionary websites. We are at different stages in this, I think you have hit anger, "Dammit I am wounded and it f'ng hurts. "And I am at "WTF happened?" For me, a floaty, otherworld feeling. Good. I can't even send the grands stuff. It is not their fault, it is not their doing. Okay, I am mad about that. My eldest grand said to me, before "My mom owes me $80.00, Tutu, she took my birthday money and promised to pay me back." UGH. My #2,#4 buy them clothes and cut the tags off, so the parents cannot return the clothes for money, and spend it on themselves. UGH. When I think of these things, the numb turns to anger. UGH. Accepting, yes, it is hard, it sucks. Screaming and running sounds like a great idea. Me, too, except my hair doesn't need to be combed. Sackcloth, ashes, something that screams out the reality that we are dealing with. An armband, a tattoo, a branding, that represents the wound so deep, inside of us that we try so desperately [I]to not let show[/I], in our daily lives. We would become zombies, I fear. [I] I am tired of it.[/I] Thank you Cedar, it is the same for me, with my grands. Then also, they are wild. I call them my "hooligans." When they have been with us, they are blatantly disrespectful of property, surroundings, and sometimes us. It is not their fault, all of their lives in such a tumult. Then I wonder Cedar, what have their parents spoken of us, in view and hearing range of our grands? A diversionary tactic. Numbing does not work, the baggage multiplies. It could be Cedar, hope has passed, it is what it is, so how to deal with the acceptance, that change is not happening for our d cs? Robot mode. Getting out of robot mode, role to real. Exposed, we are exposed. I think this is a goal point. Yes, explore the unknown, as if we were a recently discovered universe. After all the pie, I [I]am[/I] a universe today. The armband, the patch, something to remind us of how incredibly strong we are. To be able to hold ourselves together, while everything fell apart around us. It is true, but now we have CD and each other, to share the real with. One cannot go around unloading on everyone. Sheesh, we would be the life of the party, then wouldn't we? But, here, it is safe. We understand. It is. This is the first time I have really been able to share my innermost thoughts. That is probably why I am numb, it is freeing, and yet exhausting at the same time. I am turning my insides out, like a pillow case, grabbing it from the end with one fell swoop "[B][I]shippaaaack"...... [/I][/B]except, I am doing the opposite, grabbing my deepest feelings from my toes, shippaaack, and turning them inside out. Excoriated, my entire body, raw, skinless, exposed. Huh Ewwww. leafy [/QUOTE]
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