Holy moses so looks like pregnancy is worse than drugs for difficult child

[PatriotsGirl]

She is an evil, mean blankety blank blank. She has been having rages - blind rages. M was wondering what the heck was going on with her wondering if she was bipolar. She had one so bad yesterday one of the dogs bit her. She broke her phone and snapped his SIM card in half. I Googled pregnancy rages and it seems pretty common. Scary, but common.

Lovely...

She contacted me on FB this morning. She is about to lose it because they cannot afford to stay in the motel any longer and have no where to go. He needs to come up with 2k this week for his probation. I don't know what they are going to do, but there is nothing I can do. I offered to send her back to the program and she yells she is not on drugs. I told her good - no one else is there, either! She said my advice was just making her angry. I have a feeling she contacted me thinking I would buy another week for them. Nope. Not doing it...sorry. I cannot afford it for one, and two, it doesn't get them anywhere.

And I just logged on to Facebook to see a last message from her berating me for thinking I know what is best for everyone else and that I am so ridiculous. I guess I am getting the brunt of it today. I'm not taking it though. I just wrote that I was only offering advice and that is why I thought she contacted me. What I really wanted to say was, "oh guess you saw your personal ATM come online and now you are ticked off because it is not working."

I am not giving them a dime. I didn't get her pregnant and I didn't get him arrested. Not my problem. But I am SO glad that I do not have to deal with her. Oh my...she is more evil than when she was on drugs!!!!

 

[Nancy]

You know this just really upsets me. That poor baby, she isn't going to change her personality when it's born so the baby will take the burnt of everything that goes wrong in her life. It makes me angry that people who shouldn't have kids have kids and then they can't take care of them and they blame everyone else.

I don't mean to vent to you PG, I'm dealing with my own problems with difficult child's roommate who isn't paying her share of the rent or utilities and we told difficult child to tell her to ask her parents for help but they are irresponsible themselves, the mother is an alcoholic and had four children who are now in their early 20's and none of them can make it on their own because their parents should never have had kids until they were willing and ABLE to provide for them and teach them how to provide for themselves.

Off my soapbox, sorry.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Nancy, I feel the exact same way. Believe me, I have told them both several times that they are not ready for this and really have no business bringing a baby into it. husband and I reiterated that we are not raising any more children. She said she knows. I told her again, we will not feed, clothe and put diapers on their baby. She said she knows. husband is terrified saying he knows she is going to show up at our door eventually. Neither one of us wants to go back to living how we were before. Neither one of us has any desire to raise more children. I have made that perfectly, perfectly clear and I have given her the number to Choices three times now.

There is literally nothing else I can do but detach and they keep dragging me back in (then want me to butt out). It is so frustrating. So while today I will have thoughts of them living in a car that will certainly bother me, at least their phones are broken so they can't call me...I know if I rescue them again, I am just enabling and so there is nothing I can do.

 

[Calamity Jane]

PG,
Do you happen to know what difficult child's boyfriend's parents thoughts are on the prospect their son is going to be a father? Are they detached from the situation as well? If the kids showed up on their doorstep, would they take them in?

It's one thing to be a difficult child, even two together...but bringing a baby into the mix, esp. when there are so many methods of birth control these days, is almost criminal. They are about as equipped to parent as two middle schoolers would be. Then, if everyone doesn't come to their rescue and pay off their debts, you're vilified on facebook. Shocking.
Of course, there is nothing really you or husband can do about it, except suggest help, etc., and if that is rejected, your hands are tied. It's just gestational child abuse, and it's unfair, and it goes on all the time. Tragic.

 

[Signorina]

I'm at work today and tomorrow so I can't answer in depth.... But I want you to know that I am thinking of you...

... And I am wondering if her mood swings are a combo of withdrawal + hormones? I never was able to decipher what was triggered my own difficult child's sudden ott angriness and always believed it was due to him coming up or coming down from something. Here's hoping it's withdrawal for your difficult child and that it ends soon.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I'm at work today and tomorrow so I can't answer in depth.... But I want you to know that I am thinking of you...

... And I am wondering if her mood swings are a combo of withdrawal + hormones? I never was able to decipher what was triggered my own difficult child's sudden ott angriness and always believed it was due to him coming up or coming down from something. Here's hoping it's withdrawal for your difficult child and that it ends soon.

{{{hugs}}}

I think it may be a combo of many things. She gave up everything when she found out she was pregnant, but that was almost a month ago. M is totally honest with me about her usage and told me that yes, she used to be a witch when she was coming down, but this is like nothing he has ever seen.

She is stressed. She knows they have nowhere to live, he has to come up with two thousand dollars or he goes back to jail, etc. Add in hormones and oh my. I did some research on pregnancy rages and they fit what happens to her.

But, they got pregnant and they got in this situation. I am not feeling bad or guilty right now. Just wish they would figure it out without dragging me into it...

Thanks for letting me vent here...

 

[susiestar]

Vent away. I had hormonal rages though mine were worse after I had the baby. Right now it is a combo of drugs and/or withdrawal and pregnancy hormones.

You are 1000% right to NOT give them anything but advice. Let her say koi on fb about you. Don't respond because nothng you can say or do will really help, not even if you gave her everything her heart desired the exact second she desired it.

Stay strong, make her figure it out on her own. she won't value anything else.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Vent away. I had hormonal rages though mine were worse after I had the baby. Right now it is a combo of drugs and/or withdrawal and pregnancy hormones.

You are 1000% right to NOT give them anything but advice. Let her say koi on fb about you. Don't respond because nothng you can say or do will really help, not even if you gave her everything her heart desired the exact second she desired it.

Stay strong, make her figure it out on her own. she won't value anything else.

I think I may need to stay off of FB for a while. I am on and she jumps on and immediately starts telling me about how he threw her out of the motel room and she is stuck outside in the cold with no phone and a dying laptop. I told her I no longer wish to be involved. I am FED UP. I am beyond FED UP. I am sitting here trying to work and keep getting dragged into these petty, dumb fights they have. I let her have it - told them again that they have no business bringing a child into this world. They cannot even get along for ONE day!!

I really want to write to them both, tell them what I really think of the both of them and then tell them to leave me alone.

 

[Kathy813]

PG, I don't even have a facebook account for that very reason. I don't want to know and I don't want to be dragged into difficult child drama.

~Kathy

 

[PatriotsGirl]

It gets worse. I am going to be sick. Now he is dragging me into this and is claiming she has done drugs. I am going to vomit. I want NOTHING to do with her anymore. NOTHING.

 

[Signorina]

Hey pg {{{hugs}}}

 

[Mrs.McNear51]

Aww PG, sending lots of hugs and support. Turn your chat box off when you get on your FB. Do not let yourself get drug into this awfulness, whatever it takes. They will continue to up the ante, truth or not, to get your help. With Sweet Betsy, it took no communication for months, before she figured out that I was not going to help her, she had to find a way to survive on her own. After sleeping in a truck for a couple of months, she reached out for help. She would have bled me dry, had I allowed her too, with nothing accomplished on her own. I know the consequences of the situation she created on her own, are very terrifying. In my case, I prayed almost continually, and did the best I could to go on with my life. Hang in there....prayers for your family.

Julie

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I am still reeling from the day. I have lost all hope that she can ever be a good human being.

All day long today difficult child has posted horrifying things for attention. She has sat outside M's hotel room all day on her laptop. Posting how she is sooo cold (it was 61 degrees today), she is starving and has not eaten anything but cereal for two days and baby daddy is leaving her there and blah, blah blah. All posts really screaming for attention but really depressing and sad to watch. Meanwhile he is telling me that he is offering her food and she refuses, just wants to sit and be a brat. He has had enough of her rages and being abusive. Can't blame him there. She treated everyone here the same way. He told me she has had roomates that threw her out because of it. So her rages are not isolated to the pregnancy. I was wrong. She has some very serious problems that she refuses to get help for.

I continue to offer rehab and she is adamant that she is not going. Nothing else I can do. I really don't want anything to do with her at this point in time. Baby or no baby. I am horrified at what this baby will have to live with because she is a self centered pos. She in no way should have this baby. It would be a tragedy.

 

[buddy]

Hopefully cps will be involved, her doctor and the hospital are mandated reporters.

You can put your fb settings to block her and she won't know. You can customize who sees your posts too. I have mine set so q can't see my posts and since I administer his account I can go on and see that it works.
I think you are doing brilliantly setting boundaries. It is sickening to me that so many get pregnant and hurt their babies when I never even had the chance to have one and would have done anything for that opportunity. It's another one of those "not fair" situations.
I doubt she can refrain from using on her own. Q's bio mom voluntarily checked into treatment when she found out she was pregnant. Her other kids were already taken and she was clean and inpt the whole pregnancy. That's why she got to take him home. That lasted seven months, sigh.

 

[rejectedmom]

PG, (((((HUGS)))) Back away, shut her off. Nothing can be done when she is like this. We as parents cannot make our best decisions when emotions are high. If she is using again you might want to get DSS involved now. There have been instances where mothers have been determined unsafe to their unborn child and taken into custody/treatment and held for the entire pregnancy. It might be worth looking into but not when you are so upset. Take time to think things through. I am so sorry you are in this position. -RM

 

[PatriotsGirl]

She contacted me again last night and asked for a phone number. I gave it to her, she said thank you in all caps and I kept my responses short - welcome. She then tells me they are separating. I answered ok. She started typing again but logged off instead. This morning I looked at her page and she cleaned it up and deleted the dumb posts of yesterday. I don't know if they are back together or not and quite frankly, I don't care. I am waiting to hear if she is going to terminate the pregnancy. If she isn't, I am getting DFCS involved.

This morning she got up and posted "I just realized something....". Oh you have no idea the responses I wanted to write back!

 

[rejectedmom]

I am waiting to hear if she is going to terminate the pregnancy. If she isn't, I am getting DFCS involved.

I am so sorry you are in this position but under the circumstances I think this is the best and only choice you have. Sending more (((HUGS))) for your hurting heart. -RM

 

[lovemysons]

PG,

Really praying for the baby's sake that your daughter will straighten up FAST! If not, I agree that you should contact authorities. Man I hope it doesn't come to that...but difficult child sounds like she needs to be stopped and if she won't do it on her own other's HAVE to intervene.

It's one deep breathe at a time huh?
Hang in there,
LMS

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I can't even talk to her. She makes me want to vomit. Of course she denies everything. Whatever. I cannot believe a word she says.

As for him - something was bothering me. He swears he has nothing to do with that poison anymore. She is supposedly with him 24/7 - that is why they fight so much. So.....where is she getting the drugs????

I told her not to contact me until she was serious about getting help and getting sober. I'm DONE. At this point, I honestly don't care if that affects seeing my grandchild - if it comes to fruition which I am sure it will because she is too lazy to do anything never mind call anyone for help. It will just end up saving me from seeing her neglect that poor child.

I'm so angry. So angry. And to top it ALL off right now, I just got served with papers for one of her medical bills. I had to call the lawyer and set up a payment plan. And for what??? As she sits on her butt being a drain on society????

I'm sick to my stomach. I literally want nothing to do with her right now.

 

[Nancy]

I'm so sorry PG. Why are they serving you for her medical bills? Was she a minor at the time of service? We have had good success with settling medical bills for a percentage of the total if we give them a credit card to bill every month.

There really is nothing you can do at this point. You have tried to point her in the direction for help but it's up to her. Maybe now that she is on her own without him she will see that she is in no position to take care of a baby.

Sending you supportive hugs. It's time to start thinking about you and your husband.