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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681846" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Colleen, so sorry for your coming home to this, but I am glad you posted, no judgement here, just empathy and understanding the heartache of it. We are all on this similar journey at different places on the path. What you do, is for you and your family. We will support you however we can.</p><p>Ouch, holes in the walls and food thrown.</p><p>I think these kids do stuff and don't have a clue while they do it, either drunk or high. I posted a link to an article in Water cooler about the cycle of guilt and remorse addicts can go through, how it can lead to either change, or more degrading using, then cycling with behaviors and the bad feelings about them. </p><p>It is a macabre go round, not a merry one.</p><p> This is not your failure, Colleen. These boys are trying to figure life out. You gave them the best you could.</p><p>When my two were coming back and forth, it stressed out all of us. My youngest girl ended up moving out, part of it was to get away from all of the drama. Is your younger son doing the same?</p><p> You did the best you could. The fact is, our kids go out into the world and are faced with all of these choices. You gave them love, values and opportunities, but they still have free will. They choose.</p><p>Your son can change his mind, and work through this, but I wonder what is driving his thoughts.</p><p>You have written that he is close with his brother, this may prevent him from sharing the whole truth of what is going on. It is a code, <em>don't tell</em>. My kids have told me stuff about my eldest, stuff they knew she was doing ten years ago, but never told me.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you need to think about your house rules, who is following them, who is not. This may be a source of great frustration for your younger son. He may feel responsible for his brother, and he is tired of it.</p><p></p><p>Sorry if I am too up front there, but it is what happened to my youngest girl.</p><p>She was tired of it.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your heartache.</p><p>You are not alone.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681846, member: 19522"] Hi Colleen, so sorry for your coming home to this, but I am glad you posted, no judgement here, just empathy and understanding the heartache of it. We are all on this similar journey at different places on the path. What you do, is for you and your family. We will support you however we can. Ouch, holes in the walls and food thrown. I think these kids do stuff and don't have a clue while they do it, either drunk or high. I posted a link to an article in Water cooler about the cycle of guilt and remorse addicts can go through, how it can lead to either change, or more degrading using, then cycling with behaviors and the bad feelings about them. It is a macabre go round, not a merry one. This is not your failure, Colleen. These boys are trying to figure life out. You gave them the best you could. When my two were coming back and forth, it stressed out all of us. My youngest girl ended up moving out, part of it was to get away from all of the drama. Is your younger son doing the same? You did the best you could. The fact is, our kids go out into the world and are faced with all of these choices. You gave them love, values and opportunities, but they still have free will. They choose. Your son can change his mind, and work through this, but I wonder what is driving his thoughts. You have written that he is close with his brother, this may prevent him from sharing the whole truth of what is going on. It is a code, [I]don't tell[/I]. My kids have told me stuff about my eldest, stuff they knew she was doing ten years ago, but never told me. Maybe you need to think about your house rules, who is following them, who is not. This may be a source of great frustration for your younger son. He may feel responsible for his brother, and he is tired of it. Sorry if I am too up front there, but it is what happened to my youngest girl. She was tired of it. I am sorry for your heartache. You are not alone. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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