Homeless 46 year old daughter and a son in jail

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by jodiehooks, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. Weary Mother

    Weary Mother WEARY MOTHER

    Well, today I attended the sentencing hearing for my 47 year old son, 2nd drug offense, 3rd felony. Fact on this are that he has a learning disability, hearing problem, history of sexual addiction and other behaviors. He has been difficult for many years, starting in his teen years, smoking marijuana etc. He was married for 15 years and him and wife were both addicted to cocaine, and crystal meth so badly that we had to put him on a bus out of town in the middle of the night to avoid the dealers that he screwed getting him and killing him. Over the years, I had hoped for a normal life for him. Relapse after relapse, and finally he was busted for having a meth lab (it was actually the trash from one not an active one) and his 5 year old son was with him who tested positive for hair samples (not blood). He was found guilty of neglect of a dependent, manufacturing meth and sentenced to 15 years, 5 in, 5 house arrest, 5 non reporting probation. He convinced his father to allow him to stay with him to do his house arrest which is a pain because it makes a jailer out of a family and costs a lot of money, but he did get a job, pay his weekly ankle bracelet fees, get a ged. But then he met a "girl". He demanded that she be allowed to be at his dads and when his dad resisted they moved into a mobile home. He finished his home detention and problems had already been noted by then, suspicions of them using/making, of course the girl did not work and would not work. Here in Indiana we have brutal weather. So after he was free to move about with out an ankle bracelet him and the girl and her son moved into a large house, against the advise of both his parents. Soon, winter came, -20 degrees. He was kicked out after a fight between them, and his father allowed him to live with his grandmother in the basement, she having dementia and being in her mid eighties, he was supposed to care for her in exchange for his board. Well, he quit his job, moved girl in, and proceeded to argue with dad over moving her out. Dad did not stand his ground, and in a few months there was a meth lab explosion in the basement, resulting in him fleeing and her being taken to hospital where she nearly died. They were both making meth in the basement. Needless to say this has been pretty bad. She survived, he stayed out on the street living in a shed during the next few months, even during -20 weather. Eventually he was arrested in an unrelated way, just by being in an alley where the police were called due to his truck running loudly. He spent the last 9 mo. in jail, and today his got the sentence. I am understandably so upset but am glad it is over for now. This person who is my son, despite how bad the sounds, is actually a very caring and loving person. How can this happen to people who are not hardened and bad people? I have posted about my homeless daughter, who is suspected of having been in the house the night of the explosion. I am emotionally worn out and have cried and cried. Thanks for listening.
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    What a hard story to read. Your son has put you through hell.

    In this case is it possibly safer that your son is in jail? I know it's not what you'd want but maybe this is the best thing for him.

    Hugs and we are here for you.
  3. Weary Mother

    Weary Mother WEARY MOTHER

    RN0441: Yes and no on he is safer in jail. He will be in prison, and the current sentencing laws favor getting them help and in and out, no funds for keeping non violent people. However, knowing that in prison it is not safe there either makes it almost the lessor of the evils. And when he gets out, what type life will he have? I know that it is popular to let go, have tough love and all, but my heart cannot accept this, perhaps denial, perhaps refusal to give up on what I think is a good and decent person who has done terrible things. My heart was sick sitting and listening to the clinical reports on his crimes which I know is true, but hard to swallow and think this is my child. Yes is is tough.
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Do you have any support for yourself, NA, AA or see a therapist?

    I see a therapist weekly right now - since my son overdosed, because I knew I was over the capacity of what I could deal with.

    For a lot of people it seems that prison sometimes is what they need. Sometimes it turns them around.

    He will then have whatever kind of life he makes for himself. You cannot live his life for him and I know you know that. It's hard to see the ones we love do things to hurt themselves. It's horrible I know. I've been living it also - different but the same.

    You have to take care of yourself and not let it eat you alive. That won't help him either.