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homeless daughter and son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 700064" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Jodie, you and I are the same age, we have a similar history and similar responses to our difficult adult kids. What I have learned over many years of trying to help my daughter is that I have to continually practice letting go. It's not as if I landed someplace and without any effort I remain peaceful and detached over the long haul......perhaps some folks are fortunate enough to do that, but I am not one of them. Now that I am retired, I have a lot of time to do that practice. It's mostly taking very good care of myself, which as a former academy award winning enabler, that alone is a huge shift. I'm talking about eating right, sleeping well, exercising, doing things that are fun, letting go of what I can't control, letting go of negativity, judgements, people who do not support my highest good, and in general, making sure I take care of myself on ALL levels.</p><p></p><p>I've had to learn that I am not responsible for anyone but myself, that was a big lesson. I had to learn how to let go of controlling the future and living in the past. I've had much therapy and I continue to read books which are inspiring and helpful. When I feel myself slipping into enabling my daughter, I use my tool box of resources I know work. I go for a hike. I meditate. I call a friend. I look for beauty. I list all that I'm grateful for. I change the thinking pattern into something else, it works. Sometimes I have to do that a lot, other times not so much. </p><p></p><p>It's painful at times. I wish it were different, but it is what it is. I have to accept what I can't change and I intend on having joy in my life......and peace......and to that end, I use my tool box all the time. Find your tool box, your resources that work when you are slipping into enabling......when you are suffering, look for what you want to happen and recognize that that expectation may not be met and let it go, learn to accept. I am learning that over and over again. Acceptance of what is is the way out......not an easy route, but it's the one that works.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 700064, member: 13542"] Jodie, you and I are the same age, we have a similar history and similar responses to our difficult adult kids. What I have learned over many years of trying to help my daughter is that I have to continually practice letting go. It's not as if I landed someplace and without any effort I remain peaceful and detached over the long haul......perhaps some folks are fortunate enough to do that, but I am not one of them. Now that I am retired, I have a lot of time to do that practice. It's mostly taking very good care of myself, which as a former academy award winning enabler, that alone is a huge shift. I'm talking about eating right, sleeping well, exercising, doing things that are fun, letting go of what I can't control, letting go of negativity, judgements, people who do not support my highest good, and in general, making sure I take care of myself on ALL levels. I've had to learn that I am not responsible for anyone but myself, that was a big lesson. I had to learn how to let go of controlling the future and living in the past. I've had much therapy and I continue to read books which are inspiring and helpful. When I feel myself slipping into enabling my daughter, I use my tool box of resources I know work. I go for a hike. I meditate. I call a friend. I look for beauty. I list all that I'm grateful for. I change the thinking pattern into something else, it works. Sometimes I have to do that a lot, other times not so much. It's painful at times. I wish it were different, but it is what it is. I have to accept what I can't change and I intend on having joy in my life......and peace......and to that end, I use my tool box all the time. Find your tool box, your resources that work when you are slipping into enabling......when you are suffering, look for what you want to happen and recognize that that expectation may not be met and let it go, learn to accept. I am learning that over and over again. Acceptance of what is is the way out......not an easy route, but it's the one that works. [/QUOTE]
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