Homeless son

[MarCar]

I'm new, but i have been reading your post for while now. My son is 31, has mental illness and does drugs. We asked him to leave our house recently for the third time. He doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to get help and he doesn't want to work. He comes around our house when we are not home. He takes things and when he breaks in our house he leaves a mess, like he wants us to know he was here. I feel bad because i don't want him to come home anymore...i'm scared of him. He never hit me, but i never knew how he would react when i would talk to him. Sometimes he was okay and we would have a great conversation, other times he would yell, cuss and storm out slamming doors. I wish he would go away and leave us alone and feeling that way makes me feel bad too. I worry about him being homeless, hungry, and cold, but i know i don't want him back in my house.

 

[ksm]

MarCar...I am so sorry you are dealing with this. No one should fear being in their own home. Have you ever reported him breaking in your home to the police? Are you able to add security cameras or alarms to your home?

Sometimes, we are put in a difficult situation with no good answers. Maybe if you can talk to him when he is not upset, and explain you love him and want to continue a relationship, but you need boundaries. Maybe you can meet at a public place for a meal or coffee. If he has his things in your home, maybe you can offer to drop it off for him.

Hoping it gets better... ksm

 

[MarCar]

we have called the police on our son, we have a temporary restraining order on him but it is hard to serve him because he is homeless and we don't know where he is at. We haven't put cameras up because my husband and i are in different stages of the situation with our son. He still wants to help him, and i worry if he sees him, he'll let him move in again. So I don't know what to do about that.

 

[BusynMember1]

Hi there. I am so sorry about your son. It is hard for us too, but sometimes they have to leave our homes for good. My daughter can not come back and we don't try to help her anymore. She refuses to help herself and abuses us if we don't give her money or shelter. We already bought her a house and a mobile home (both did not work out) and paid for apartments that also did not work out...we are done. She lives in an.old.mobile home now across the country. She gets SSDI and other government help. We can't have her near us anymore or it will kill us.

Your son is old enough to take care of himself even if he has to get welfare, a food card and medicare/Medicare.

We got help from Nar Anon and a private therapist. In Nar Anon we learned that help doesn't help our kids and that they need to take care of themselves, even if they refuse to do a good job of it. They can choose to get help or not. We can't make them do it.

We need to take care of ourselves first. It felt selfish at first but makes so much sense now.

Also we learned that we can not change Kay or anyone else on earth except ourselves. Nobody has any power to change anybody except us. That's why our "help" doesn't help. Our kids need to want to change or they will NOT change even if we give them every dime we have.

I hope you seek out help from Nar Anon (it's online Zoom meetings now so look up the meeting times on the internet) or find yourself a good private therapist. in my opinion its too darn hard to decide what to do without experienced help. We deserve guidance and support. It is there for us.

If God is in your life, I was able to find great peace by giving my daughter over to God. He is powerful and will watch her better than I can.
This helps me.

Sending love and prayers.