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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 748815" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>All of our kids who bring us here have been appeased at some time and most try to guilt us into doing for them what they should do for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I think being a mommy to our kids stops by 21 and being a mother comes after that. Mother is more of a friend and support person. She doesn't pay the bills anymore or put up with abuse.</p><p></p><p>Since I did both for so long, I am a strange one to give you this advice. My daughter is 32. Her father and I quit enabling only a little while ago. It has been very hard and we have been cut off by her, as if our function in her life was to pay her bills or else we were not needed. But this time we are determined to feel our hurt, to cry and to not give in to her no matter what. So she won't talk to us or let us see our dear grandson.</p><p></p><p>I lost a precious son in a car accident years ago and in some ways this horror show with our daughter hurts more than that. At least we knew our son felt loved by us always and that is comforting. We don't know what our daughter thinks. I grieve her in a different way i grieved our son, but it is still grief. </p><p></p><p>I suggest keep going to Al Anon and pray for the strength to do what you know is best for you. It is extremely painful, but it gets a little easier each day. This is hard with no guarantee that our kids will do any better when we withdraw.I appreciate your struggle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 748815, member: 23706"] All of our kids who bring us here have been appeased at some time and most try to guilt us into doing for them what they should do for themselves. I think being a mommy to our kids stops by 21 and being a mother comes after that. Mother is more of a friend and support person. She doesn't pay the bills anymore or put up with abuse. Since I did both for so long, I am a strange one to give you this advice. My daughter is 32. Her father and I quit enabling only a little while ago. It has been very hard and we have been cut off by her, as if our function in her life was to pay her bills or else we were not needed. But this time we are determined to feel our hurt, to cry and to not give in to her no matter what. So she won't talk to us or let us see our dear grandson. I lost a precious son in a car accident years ago and in some ways this horror show with our daughter hurts more than that. At least we knew our son felt loved by us always and that is comforting. We don't know what our daughter thinks. I grieve her in a different way i grieved our son, but it is still grief. I suggest keep going to Al Anon and pray for the strength to do what you know is best for you. It is extremely painful, but it gets a little easier each day. This is hard with no guarantee that our kids will do any better when we withdraw.I appreciate your struggle. [/QUOTE]
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