WHich path is easiest? To struggle with her at home this way, or to field calls from the school? And which way is she likely to learn more? Which way helps her the most?
Does she have a therapist? What sort of stratyegies come out with counselling? What are her issues, why is she difficult, what does she want out of life? What are her plans for herself?
Something to keep in mind - the anxiety plus the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) plus the PTSD are going to make her behavkiour challenging, but not necessarily in ways that are directed at you. We handle this by NOT reacting as if it's directed at us, and instead trying to help difficult child 3 confront the problem and find a solution. For example if he's shouting, "I can't do this! I don't get it, it's too confusing, I don't want to do these problems!" I don't get upset back, I simply say, "Let me see, there may be another easier way. Or maybe we can find a different way to explain it. Maybe between us we can find a solution."
We also have the option of calling his Maths teacher for help. If you have someone (other than you) who can work as a tutor in the difficult subject areas then that can take a LOT of heat off you, in terms of being the person in a teaching role. It then makes it easier for you to be the facilitator and not part of the problem, in her mind.
Something that is also very important, especially for a student who is anxious and has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issues - involve her in the choices that need to be made. Write it all down, do a PMI on the whole thing. (PMI = Plus, Minus, Interesting).
YOu get a sheet of paper (or two) and draw three columns headed P, M & I. One set of columns discusses the aspects of being in school mainstream. The other deals with homeschooling.
You may need a third, for dropping out. But in our family, "dropping out" or finishing school, meant that there had to be a work ethic of some kind, even if it was unpaid. So when difficult child 3 finished school we told him, "either get a job, or do further study, or find volunteer work you can do. But you MUST keep occupied gainfully outside the home."
At 14, she is probably too young to leave school and get a job. But in some areas, especially if she is almost 15, it may be an option and it does need to be considered. If she insists that all she ants in life is to work behind a cash register in a shop somewhere, then help arrange it for her. Help make it happen. The reality will bring the outcomes home to her soon enough. And you never know - it could make her. Or she could hate it and as a result have a better idea of what life outside school is like, what her life will be like if she fials to get further qualifications.
SHE needs to own whatever choices are made on her behalf. So if after all the dicussion and analysis, she accepts that homeschooling is the best option, then she needs to accept the ground rules. Work on them as a team, it will help her own the process. This is what we did with both our boys, especially difficult child 1, and it did make it easier to insist on the work being done. "You made the choice to study this way; my job is to keep you focussed and organised in your work. How best do you want me to do this? What will you do, to make it easier for me to help you?"
Chances are, she really wants to learn. But she will need some specific direction, some sense of "I have control over where this is going." If it's too open-ended, it can actually be MORE stressful for a difficult child. Make instructions specific and clear, in steps. Even if you write a list of tasks to be done so she can tick them off, it can help. But remember - you're NOT the teacher, you're the facilitator. She has to educate herself. All you have to do, is support her.
If you can find correspondence or online courses, they can make the task easier. It gets you out of the firing line as home teacher. Because her experience of teachers hasn't been too favourable.
A short aside - I went to a mainstream school, but in my senior years I had one teacher who refused to teach me his subject, because I was a girl and it was a very male topic (Physics). The entire school faculty thought I had only chosen the topic because a boy I liked had chosen it, and I was wanting to hang around with the boys. What the teachers could never understand, was I hung round with those boys because we had similar interests (Physics and Engineering).
But I really wanted to study that subject, I had been interested in aspects of Physics since I was a pre-schooler. So I attended the classes, being ignored by the teacher, but I read the textbook cover to cover. In the exam, I actually answered different questions to the ones the class had studied, and I passed. And you know? That ratbag teacher had the hide to take the credit for me passing!
But the most important thing - I KNEW that it was entirely my doing, I deserved the credit. And boy, was that a good feeling!
Marg
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