Homeschooling and ODD...ugh

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

I've done it again...let so much time elapse that hundreds of things have happened that I should have discussed here. Anyway...there was basically no way that Tommy could stay in school - either he refused to go, or he was being made fun of/bullied, was not understanding or keeping of with work, many social problems, etc. It has been this way since Kindergarden. I don't even know how he got this far (6TH GR) because I just know that in subjects other than reading, he is not on grade level. He has not been in school since Feb. I have not officially withdrawn him yet but I do have an email stating that I am authorized to start homeschooling. Here's the thing though: First, I have no idea how to do this. I am doing the research now. Most important though is the fact that he is still fighting me on doing much more than a half hour of work a day. I honestly am feeling very overwhelmed but like I said - I saw no other way. At least I no longer have to worry about what's happening at school, principal calling me, etc. Is anyone else doing this?

 

[BusynMember]

When he was in school did you try to get him into a program that understands autism? That way he wouldn't get teased and you wouldn't have to wonder how to homeschool him. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids need special things that most parents don't know how to do...Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is his main diagnosis. ODD is just the fact that the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) makes him defiant sometimes.

 

[AppleCori]

I am homeschooling my 8yo now, and homeschooled my older kids through graduation.

I would be happy to help in any way possible.

 

[buddy]

Have you considered online school instead of your own homeschool? He can still have an iep.

 

[Ktllc]

Do you have an official Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis? If so he can be a client of a University program specialized in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) right in Charlotte. That's where I take V for private session. They are REALLY good at teaching the parents how to teach the child. There is waiting list but it is well worth the wait. While on the waiting list, they are available on the phone to answer questions you have in the mean time. The sessions are not cheap at $50/session, but I believe it is a good investment.
If you wish, I'll pm you their contact info.
Although I am not dealing with the same issues since V is that much younger, I can't help thinking about what happened when I pulled V out of preschool. I've also read blogs on the same subject. A lady who pulled her aspie kid out of school and started homeschool said that you should give a break to the child before starting any real homeschool plan: 1 month for every year of school he's done so far. He needs to recover from his traumatic experience. the first goal: rebuilding self esteem.
He obviously needs to be engaged in healthy activities but does not have to be too academic or school related. Start with what interest him and build on it.

 

[Liahona]

I homeschool everyone but difficult child 1 and I homeshooled him in kindergarten. I have our morning and bedtime routines posted. They do their routine then school. Our morning routine includes get up, say prayers, make bed, eat breakfast, comb hair, brush teeth, clean room, do household chore. Each of them have a different chore. I have found the more severe the autism the harder it is to maintain the routine and the more he falls apart when it is not maintained. Tge first day if homeschool it took us 6 hours to get through this routine. Now difficult child 2 can get through it in 2 hours and everyone else in 30 min. Then they take a break. Normally this is lunch. Then we start academics. We have routines for our academic subjects as well. I'll pm you what curriculum we use. Don't worry if things go slowely at first. Its ok, and he'll be learning more from you than he would in public shool even if the pace of material covered is slower. You're not going to move on from a subject just because the rest of the class needs it when he hasn't got it yet.

Homeschooling difficult child 1 for kindergarten was a nightmare, but I was determined that he would know how to read before he went to public school. I knew from the genetics he was from that he wouldn't be taught to read in public school. Ge fought me over everything. Hours of rages over asking him to just pick up a pencil, but he thanked me years later.

There also might be homeschooling groups where you live that do social things together.

Please bear in mind that is just how our family does school. Your family might need something different.

Good luck

 

[TerryJ2]

There must be homeschooling websites.
The one good thing about homeschooling is that you can do one subject a day, two subjects a day, etc. and rearrange it the way you want. You can also take field trips.
Best of luck. I would never even attempt it.

 

[TeDo]

I have a friend that homeschools her 2 boys (both on the spectrum). They are a religious family and they purchase an entire Christian-based curriculum for each of their kids each year.

I homeschooled difficult child 1 until we found the online school we're using now. All I did was go to our state's dept of ed and looked at the "standards" for each subject for his grade level. Then I found online worksheets, video links, etc to work towards those standards. Going to the library and finding a book to read then reading it together at home (took turns reading paragraphs or pages) was easier to do. As an aside, I would ask questions like "I wonder why the character did that" or "what would you have done in that situation?" to make him think. For math, we found math game websites. For science and history, there are tons of websites like Discovery that have videos on most every topic. We even watched movies from the library about various wars (Pearl Harbor, Saving Private Ryan, etc) and science issues (Apollo 13, etc). You can make it whatever you want. A trip to the grocery store (plan, budget, shop while adding up the bill as you go, figuring change, etc) and cooking (measuring cups for fractions) count as math.

Actually, if it didn't require so much planning on my part, I would much rather have continued on that path. Good luck.

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

Haven't been on here for a couple of days. Thank you so much for all the suggestions. I am So overwhelmed right now that I can't even respond. Maybe this afternoon I'll feel better. All I want to do right now is cry. I feel SO much GUILT over everything but especially that it is so hard for me to be a scheduled, structured parent and I know that this is what difficult child needs most. Thank you all for being here for me...

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

Ktlc - I would really appreciate it if you could pm me the info. We're basically broke but maybe my mom could help...thanks.

 

[EndangeredCheerleader]

My son with Asperger's attends a program for spectrum children ran by our school district. They offer more individualized instruction, therapy dogs, and social skills training. It has been a great experience. Look into whether your district offers something like this, even if it means bussing or driving him daily. Schools don't always offer what they have available. Before placing DS12 in the program, we had to pull him two years in a row, at mid term, for psychiatric treatment due to burn out and major school phobia. After I demanded (and grudgingly received) a half year of home bound instruction, we were finally told about this program on another campus.

DD13 is currently enrolled with K12 through our state. I love the curriculum (for an nt) but it is a lot of work! Depending on the state, Class Connects may be required, as well as tutoring sessions called Target Teaches, if the child is behind in ANY subject. There are days DD13 spends 4 hours in online classrooms BEFORE she can even start daily assignments. And yes, she does have an IEP.... it means squat! There is no way in Halifax my aspie could tolerate it and he is academically advanced. It's too much for DD13, and why I won't enroll her next year. I DO wish we could afford the private school option for K12. If Class Connects and Target Teaches were optional, it would be fantastic! I hate slamming K12 because they have an amazing curriculum lineup.

I did Time4Learning with DD13 for a few months last year. It offered a great introduction to homeschool. Very easy pace. Fantastic math! I highly recommend it for a stressed out kid needing some school instruction during recovery. Plus it was cheap! You can call for a free trial period. I would not use it as core curriculum without supplementing, but it's perfect for getting started.

 

[BusynMember]

Haven't been on here for a couple of days. Thank you so much for all the suggestions. I am So overwhelmed right now that I can't even respond. Maybe this afternoon I'll feel better. All I want to do right now is cry. I feel SO much GUILT over everything but especially that it is so hard for me to be a scheduled, structured parent and I know that this is what difficult child needs most. Thank you all for being here for me...

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! How many parents can actually be perfectly structured and scheduled in our homes? Probably none of us. Your difficult child is a difficult child and would be one even if you structured every minute of every day for him. He'd find reasons and ways to have meltdowns. It is not your parenting. It is how he is differently wired in his brain. If anyone, even family, is guilting you about this boy, ignore them or put them at a distance right now while you try to straighten out what is going on. The truth is, normally wired kids are resilient and can take a lot, including the rigors of a divorce, loud noise and commotion, unexpected changes, and when we have to say "No." And they don't all live in great homes. Differently wired kids are more sentitive to stimuli, change and criticism. You are here because you care and you are a good mother. You are NOT a professional who can stand back objectively and help you. Whatever else you do, absolve yourself of blame for this and don't let anyone else throw it at you either.

Gentle hugs.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ditto MWM.

The rest of us... have been there done that.
Can the guilt trip. It takes too much energy, and you need it for the other things that are going on in your life.

More hugs.

 

[Liahona]

Repeat after me "my home is not an institution". You do not have cafeteria ladys to cook food, janitors to vacuum floors, expensive copy machines and computers. Homeschool with a difficult child is very different than public school. You have to function as a family first and then do school. I don't mean your house should be clean and the meals cooked.

We started homeschooling in Oct. and a few weeks later grandma came to visit. School went out the window. Then Cherub was born, Thanksgiving and Christmas came. Through it all I was feeling very guilty that my kids were not in a more structured environment. I kept trying to get them to do the morning routine but sometimes I just couldn't. And a lot of days we didn't get to school work. I'm finding that each time our family has to ditch the routine it takes a little less time for them to get back into it when we do start again. We just went through 3 and 1/2 weeks of everyone being sick (especially Buster). School and routines went out the window. They all sat on a sheet in front of the tv while I cleaned for weeks. I thought for sure when we'd start back up they'd all have a very rough time. I was right but not as rough as I expected. Not as bad an adjustment as the first time we started. Plus, they retained a lot more than I expected. I am planning to homeschool through the summer to make up time missed (plus we don't do school on Fridays.)

It will be slow getting started but if this is what you feel is best for difficult child it is ok to start slow. Remember you are in this for the long haul.