hope and help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by co.jo, Jan 2, 2009.

  1. co.jo

    co.jo co.jo

    First the hope part-- in reading many of your posts I see the battles we went through with my 22 year old daughter, who we struggled to raise. She spent part of her adolescence in foster care, and was violent for most of her life. Also very intelligent, and was never giving any kind of helpful diagnosis. We made many mistakes, but never gave up on her. Today she lives on her own in the city, and is in her 3rd year of post-secondary.She has coped with many setbacks, and although we give her emotional and occasional financial support, she is pretty independent. She just spent 16 days at home for the holidays, and was mostly tolerable. This is a miracle to us, so don't give up, it can happen!
    Now the help- we adopted a boy who is now almost 9, and I am quite sure he has ODD. I am wondering if anyone has found a helpful book on managing this behavior (besides The Explosive Child, that doesn't quite fit him). We are having a lot of trouble at home with basic routines and constant arguing, non-compliance, etc.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi co.jo, welcome.

    Does he have a diagnosis other than ODD?

    Is he on any medications?

    I really liked all of the Asperger's books I read, because the tools they suggested work for almost all kids, (especially transitions) but are imperative for Aspies. Here's one: Asperger Syndrome And Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions For Tantrums, Rage And Meltdowns.

    The Manipulative Child is really good, too. Weird title, but it's about just learning a new definition for manipulative. They have some great ideas.

    Also, I've found that writing things down, such as chores, is helpful for my son. It takes my voice out of the equation and then he doesn't blame me for everything. Makes little sense to me, because the list is in my handwriting, but hey, whatever works!
  3. co.jo

    co.jo co.jo

    Thanks for the book suggestion- I have the Aspie books you suggested as that was a possible diagnosis for his sister, but he doesn't have the rages as much as simply refusing to comply with any requests. I wrote his morning and evening routines down for him ages ago, and he can earn computer time by simply completing his morning routine without an issue. He has earned that time about 3 times in 4 months. He will say he has done it, but inevitably, he will have purposely left something out.
    He is not on any medications, don't think there is a "do what you are told" pill! I had very negative experiences with medications with his sister (don't get me started on the Paxil withdrawal), so would be very reluctant to try that.
    I will look for the Manipulative Child book, thanks!
  4. songbird1109

    songbird1109 New Member

    My name is Nicole and I am dealing with a 17 year old daughter who has been defiant, truant and unmanageable. She is currently in a county detention center as a result of shoplifting charges, truancy and cutting herself. She was 302'd by detention and has just been released back to detention pending her next court date to place her in a residential treatment program. While she is doing much better with her new medications: abilify and welbutrin sr, I am feeling intense guilt about my failure to meet my child's needs. She is the youngest of my 4 children which makes this all the more difficult to face. Would welcome any advice.
  5. compassion

    compassion Member

    Welcome Nicole!!!! Remember the 3 C's: did not cause, can't cure it can't control it. Accepting it as a nuerological difference helps a lot. This forum is great. iI hang out here daily. It is a great support. Compassion
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome CoJo and Songbird!

    Songbird, In order to not confuse suggestions for your situation with those of CoJo, would you be willing to start a new thread? I love Compassion's three "C's". I have never heard it put like that and it makes great sense. I have a defiant 18 year old but fortunately has not been in any legal issues that I am aware of. I think 17 is such a hard age. So close to that magic number "18" which the teen thinks will solve all his/her problems. What an eye opener when it does turn out to be just a number and life hasn't changed much! I also believe that any parent who finds this forum is a warrior parent and has done a great job in parenting. If you hadn't, you wouldn't care enough to look for more help thus finding us.

    CoJo, The Manipulative Child is one of my books of choice. It was very helpful for me.