First the hope part-- in reading many of your posts I see the battles we went through with my 22 year old daughter, who we struggled to raise. She spent part of her adolescence in foster care, and was violent for most of her life. Also very intelligent, and was never giving any kind of helpful diagnosis. We made many mistakes, but never gave up on her. Today she lives on her own in the city, and is in her 3rd year of post-secondary.She has coped with many setbacks, and although we give her emotional and occasional financial support, she is pretty independent. She just spent 16 days at home for the holidays, and was mostly tolerable. This is a miracle to us, so don't give up, it can happen! Now the help- we adopted a boy who is now almost 9, and I am quite sure he has ODD. I am wondering if anyone has found a helpful book on managing this behavior (besides The Explosive Child, that doesn't quite fit him). We are having a lot of trouble at home with basic routines and constant arguing, non-compliance, etc.