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Hope is the worst of evils
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636156" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'll take it to a difficult child context.</p><p></p><p>Most of them are involved in bad things that we don't even know about, usually drugs. (LucyJ, this is in the US. I know your son is not into drugs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />)</p><p></p><p>Why spend a dime on college if you daughter won't go? Are you rich?</p><p></p><p>None of my kids went to a four year college nor did I. maybe because of that I don't think it's as important as some do, usually those who did go and it worked for them. I see a lot of young people graduating and unemployed.</p><p></p><p>All of my adult children have good jobs. My adopted son from Hong Kong, who left the family but is very intelligent and did not mess up his own life, is a millionaire with not one day of college. He is brilliant and never did drugs, and that helps, but from scratch he built his own techical business, mainly cell phones. He is the CEO. My difficult child 36 year old is making a lot of money in a sales/marketing job. Con artists are wonderful salespeople <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> He will say anything to make a sale, and he told me so! My thirty year old daughter went to school for Cosmetology and Culinary Arts and did well in both, but is now home with her baby. My autistic son? He has a regular job too. It's only part-time, but it's a real job.</p><p></p><p>None of them went to traditional colleges. Jumper is at a tech school for Criminal Justice, a two year course.</p><p></p><p>You can't tell your daughter how to live her life. She won't listen. If she wants to go to college one day, she can...by taking out a loan and paying for it herself. My Culinary ARts daughter did that. We didn't pay. Her father only covered her supplies. She did not expect anyone to pay for her.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter lies. Your daughter dismisses your financial gifts. Your daughter is probably doing stuff you don't know about and would not like. You can not force her to change. She has to want to do it. in my opinion since she lives at home, she has no incentive, but that's just my opinion. I still think she is dabbling in drugs. Which drugs, who knows? That's something we parents often never find out. We just see a once ambitious child failing as an adult and wonder why. I'm guessing your daughter probably has a personality disorder more than anything. You can live on your own and work and even thrive with bipolar, if you take your medications and do not take other drugs for a thrill.</p><p></p><p>I have a lifelong mood disorder (severe), borderline traits (which I have learned to control USUALLY), anxiety disorder, panic disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thoughts. I am on Disability but also work. It would be horrible if my parents had taught me to depend on them because my mother has been dead for a long time. Remember, you can't live forever. There are outside resources for her if she is truly disabled and not just disabled due to drug use. That mimics mental illness and fools doctors. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar when she used drugs. She has been drug free for ten years now and clearly has no mental illnesses. Even if your daughter does, she can still have a life, but you feel so sorry for her that you don't push it. That's not good for you or for her.</p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636156, member: 1550"] I'll take it to a difficult child context. Most of them are involved in bad things that we don't even know about, usually drugs. (LucyJ, this is in the US. I know your son is not into drugs :)) Why spend a dime on college if you daughter won't go? Are you rich? None of my kids went to a four year college nor did I. maybe because of that I don't think it's as important as some do, usually those who did go and it worked for them. I see a lot of young people graduating and unemployed. All of my adult children have good jobs. My adopted son from Hong Kong, who left the family but is very intelligent and did not mess up his own life, is a millionaire with not one day of college. He is brilliant and never did drugs, and that helps, but from scratch he built his own techical business, mainly cell phones. He is the CEO. My difficult child 36 year old is making a lot of money in a sales/marketing job. Con artists are wonderful salespeople :) He will say anything to make a sale, and he told me so! My thirty year old daughter went to school for Cosmetology and Culinary Arts and did well in both, but is now home with her baby. My autistic son? He has a regular job too. It's only part-time, but it's a real job. None of them went to traditional colleges. Jumper is at a tech school for Criminal Justice, a two year course. You can't tell your daughter how to live her life. She won't listen. If she wants to go to college one day, she can...by taking out a loan and paying for it herself. My Culinary ARts daughter did that. We didn't pay. Her father only covered her supplies. She did not expect anyone to pay for her. Your daughter lies. Your daughter dismisses your financial gifts. Your daughter is probably doing stuff you don't know about and would not like. You can not force her to change. She has to want to do it. in my opinion since she lives at home, she has no incentive, but that's just my opinion. I still think she is dabbling in drugs. Which drugs, who knows? That's something we parents often never find out. We just see a once ambitious child failing as an adult and wonder why. I'm guessing your daughter probably has a personality disorder more than anything. You can live on your own and work and even thrive with bipolar, if you take your medications and do not take other drugs for a thrill. I have a lifelong mood disorder (severe), borderline traits (which I have learned to control USUALLY), anxiety disorder, panic disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thoughts. I am on Disability but also work. It would be horrible if my parents had taught me to depend on them because my mother has been dead for a long time. Remember, you can't live forever. There are outside resources for her if she is truly disabled and not just disabled due to drug use. That mimics mental illness and fools doctors. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar when she used drugs. She has been drug free for ten years now and clearly has no mental illnesses. Even if your daughter does, she can still have a life, but you feel so sorry for her that you don't push it. That's not good for you or for her. Just my thoughts. Big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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