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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 702425" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Jodie, you're doing really well. I was just reading on another thread someone's therapist told her, "you can love your children unconditionally but you have to have conditions". You are developing conditions, which it seems you didn't have before. Those around you don't have to change because you do, but if they are going to change, it will likely be.....<em>because you do.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I think this is a big step. Remember, we train people how to treat us by what we allow. Don't allow disrespect, abuse, manipulation, or any form of rude or discourteous behavior, <u><strong>from anyone.</strong></u></p><p></p><p>There is clearly grief, fear and loss involved when we change dysfunctional behavior.........you have a lot of loss, so it is certainly understandable that you have those feelings. And, you're starting to focus on your own needs, which is a very different dynamic for us old enablers.......there is a period of emotional stuff that comes up.......hang in there, you're really doing very, very well. </p><p></p><p>I can't recall if you have a counselor or a group, but if you do, utilize all of your support systems. Take care of YOU. Each one of these steps you're taking leads to big changes......keep choosing YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 702425, member: 13542"] Jodie, you're doing really well. I was just reading on another thread someone's therapist told her, "you can love your children unconditionally but you have to have conditions". You are developing conditions, which it seems you didn't have before. Those around you don't have to change because you do, but if they are going to change, it will likely be.....[I]because you do. [/I] I think this is a big step. Remember, we train people how to treat us by what we allow. Don't allow disrespect, abuse, manipulation, or any form of rude or discourteous behavior, [U][B]from anyone.[/B][/U] There is clearly grief, fear and loss involved when we change dysfunctional behavior.........you have a lot of loss, so it is certainly understandable that you have those feelings. And, you're starting to focus on your own needs, which is a very different dynamic for us old enablers.......there is a period of emotional stuff that comes up.......hang in there, you're really doing very, very well. I can't recall if you have a counselor or a group, but if you do, utilize all of your support systems. Take care of YOU. Each one of these steps you're taking leads to big changes......keep choosing YOU. [/QUOTE]
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