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Horrible horrible day
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 38794" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>I am sorry about your situation. The way to survive is to understand that there is no magic bullet , education is a long process and that we have little ' power' of kids. Your kid is also transitioning into a teenager. We have to learn to cope better despite our kids and nurture ourselves. We have to become emotionally strong and independent and try think creatively to change ourselves, do things out of the box, not rely on external power but try to initiate change in your daughter from her inside.in my humble opinion the way to go, is to concentrate on relationship building, bonding, one to one time , communicating, dialoging , getting her to speak and you listen on non-emotive issues. A family therapist can help you guys problem solve , learn the skills, learn to trust this process. A buddy-tutor , older sister is very important , she becomes a confidant for the kid, positive influence, and the kid develops thinking and other cognitive skills and help her become part of the solution for her issues. One has to lower the rope and relax the atmosphere. I feel it is better to bond and let go of trying to force compliance with chores etc and try to reach out to her. Power struggles, rewards and punishments do little to help kids reflect deeply about situations , but rather ask what's in it for me. We are dealing with perceptions , it is not a question of right and wrong , in relationships , it is not who is right and wrong but learning to get along , give and take , find mutually satisfying solutions. The kid has to get to the point where she perceives you as a help, feels understood and starts to trust you.</p><p></p><p>1 caregivers handout 2 Myrna Shure site 3 How to get your child involved in problem solving 4 family meeting, thinking skills 5 nuturing yourself and many others.</p><p>As I said it is not easy , changing a dynamic from a win-lose to win-win takes a lot of practice and time.If we get the kid on our side , we can do some parallel thinking, thinking together how you together can help her with her concerns , issues and ultimately realize her potential.</p><p>Take care</p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 38794, member: 10"] Hi, I am sorry about your situation. The way to survive is to understand that there is no magic bullet , education is a long process and that we have little ' power' of kids. Your kid is also transitioning into a teenager. We have to learn to cope better despite our kids and nurture ourselves. We have to become emotionally strong and independent and try think creatively to change ourselves, do things out of the box, not rely on external power but try to initiate change in your daughter from her inside.in my humble opinion the way to go, is to concentrate on relationship building, bonding, one to one time , communicating, dialoging , getting her to speak and you listen on non-emotive issues. A family therapist can help you guys problem solve , learn the skills, learn to trust this process. A buddy-tutor , older sister is very important , she becomes a confidant for the kid, positive influence, and the kid develops thinking and other cognitive skills and help her become part of the solution for her issues. One has to lower the rope and relax the atmosphere. I feel it is better to bond and let go of trying to force compliance with chores etc and try to reach out to her. Power struggles, rewards and punishments do little to help kids reflect deeply about situations , but rather ask what's in it for me. We are dealing with perceptions , it is not a question of right and wrong , in relationships , it is not who is right and wrong but learning to get along , give and take , find mutually satisfying solutions. The kid has to get to the point where she perceives you as a help, feels understood and starts to trust you. 1 caregivers handout 2 Myrna Shure site 3 How to get your child involved in problem solving 4 family meeting, thinking skills 5 nuturing yourself and many others. As I said it is not easy , changing a dynamic from a win-lose to win-win takes a lot of practice and time.If we get the kid on our side , we can do some parallel thinking, thinking together how you together can help her with her concerns , issues and ultimately realize her potential. Take care Allan [/QUOTE]
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