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Horrible horrible day
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 38900" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Just to chime in my two cents :wink: </p><p></p><p>I have a son in a very similar situation, and have been tearing my hair out as well. Two things I have found that are simple....but work extremely well.</p><p></p><p>1) Try and comment on EVERY single thing that she does that is positive. From, "wow you put the shampoo bottle away where it goes, thanks!", to, "wow, you made the bus on time - I am impressed because I know how hard that is for you." Yes, there are days where there is nothing you can possibly think of - but even if it is the way she styled her hair - try and find something, no matter how little.</p><p></p><p>2) Make everything about HER choices as much as possible rather than YOUR consequences if she does not follow the rules. I would suspend all "consequences" or "chores" for a bit.....and simply pick a few things that are the most important items to implement natural consequences for. For instance, "if you choose to miss the bus - you have chosen to stay in your room and read and catch up on homework." If she pitches a fit, simply ignore her and remind her it was HER choice to miss the bus, and next time if she gets there on time, she will not have to endure a day of reading. Make everything not about you - but HER choices. Try and refrain from your consequence from me is: "----", but rather you have a choice "to --- or to ----". </p><p></p><p>She is wanting power and control of your house, which she has succeeded in getting - but internally it is indicative of the fact that she is mentally out of control. She is really crying out for her own internal control, but she does not know how to get it. Therefore - you need to make her feel like she has the power to change things - not that you will "whip her into shape with consqueces." Again, this is only my 2 cents, from my own trial and error........but I know that this approach has finally yielded a breakthrough in my own home.</p><p></p><p>The last thing is to TRY (I know it is very very hard) to not react when she breaks things. She is simpy wanting attention, and by you getting angry she is getting it. If I were you, I would calmly talk a walk, or go for a drive while she is raging. With my son, if I leave, the whole drama stops, because it is only for my attention that he is throwing things or breaking things. The next day, if possible, have her fix what she broke - even if it is attempting to patch the drywall, or attempt to superglue the vase back together. "Charging" for broken items, does not help in our house either.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps. And hang in there..........I know, know, know, how hard it is!!!!!! :grrr:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 38900, member: 3301"] Just to chime in my two cents [img]:wink:[/img] I have a son in a very similar situation, and have been tearing my hair out as well. Two things I have found that are simple....but work extremely well. 1) Try and comment on EVERY single thing that she does that is positive. From, "wow you put the shampoo bottle away where it goes, thanks!", to, "wow, you made the bus on time - I am impressed because I know how hard that is for you." Yes, there are days where there is nothing you can possibly think of - but even if it is the way she styled her hair - try and find something, no matter how little. 2) Make everything about HER choices as much as possible rather than YOUR consequences if she does not follow the rules. I would suspend all "consequences" or "chores" for a bit.....and simply pick a few things that are the most important items to implement natural consequences for. For instance, "if you choose to miss the bus - you have chosen to stay in your room and read and catch up on homework." If she pitches a fit, simply ignore her and remind her it was HER choice to miss the bus, and next time if she gets there on time, she will not have to endure a day of reading. Make everything not about you - but HER choices. Try and refrain from your consequence from me is: "----", but rather you have a choice "to --- or to ----". She is wanting power and control of your house, which she has succeeded in getting - but internally it is indicative of the fact that she is mentally out of control. She is really crying out for her own internal control, but she does not know how to get it. Therefore - you need to make her feel like she has the power to change things - not that you will "whip her into shape with consqueces." Again, this is only my 2 cents, from my own trial and error........but I know that this approach has finally yielded a breakthrough in my own home. The last thing is to TRY (I know it is very very hard) to not react when she breaks things. She is simpy wanting attention, and by you getting angry she is getting it. If I were you, I would calmly talk a walk, or go for a drive while she is raging. With my son, if I leave, the whole drama stops, because it is only for my attention that he is throwing things or breaking things. The next day, if possible, have her fix what she broke - even if it is attempting to patch the drywall, or attempt to superglue the vase back together. "Charging" for broken items, does not help in our house either. I hope this helps. And hang in there..........I know, know, know, how hard it is!!!!!! [img]:grrr:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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