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Horrible spring break
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<blockquote data-quote="kris" data-source="post: 35958" data-attributes="member: 74"><p><span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #990000"> <em>the truth of the matter is that nothing will change until you change how you react to difficult child.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>yelling at him because he yells at you is not how you want to present yourself to him. you need to be the one who models the appropriate way to express anger & frustration. he won't learn how to react differently until you show him how. all you do when you yell back at him is escalate a bad situation.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>i think the reason he is with-drawing from you is the fact that he is 12. he's a young man now (tho certainly not acting like one) & he's struggling for his Independence. it's a developmental milestone.....and a difficult one for the adolescent & the parent.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>you may have read The Explosive Child when difficult child was younger but i think it bears re~reading now. in fact read it twice because there's a lot to absorb in it. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>respect....yes, he needs to respect you. that being said you need to behave in a manner that inspires respect (back to the engaging him in screaming fight again). he may look at you & see himself as treating you as he is being treated. truthfully it doesn't matter who starts the screaming the fact is you sink to his level time after time.....remember MODELLING.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>i agree....but out of the homework war. let him face natural consequences for not completing assignments. i know this is just the opposite of what the schools want us to do, but they are not the ones living in homework h*ll. you, difficult child & the entire family are. that has to stop.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>maybe if husband could see you making a real effort to change the dynamics between you & difficult child he might be more willing to support you. he may feel like SOMEONE has to be on difficult child's side with-o thinking about how that makes you feel. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>bottom line....you, as the mom, bear the most burden to help change things. it's not reasonable, nor is it fair. it just is what it is.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>kris </em> </span> </span> </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kris, post: 35958, member: 74"] <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #990000"> [i]the truth of the matter is that nothing will change until you change how you react to difficult child. yelling at him because he yells at you is not how you want to present yourself to him. you need to be the one who models the appropriate way to express anger & frustration. he won't learn how to react differently until you show him how. all you do when you yell back at him is escalate a bad situation. i think the reason he is with-drawing from you is the fact that he is 12. he's a young man now (tho certainly not acting like one) & he's struggling for his Independence. it's a developmental milestone.....and a difficult one for the adolescent & the parent. you may have read The Explosive Child when difficult child was younger but i think it bears re~reading now. in fact read it twice because there's a lot to absorb in it. respect....yes, he needs to respect you. that being said you need to behave in a manner that inspires respect (back to the engaging him in screaming fight again). he may look at you & see himself as treating you as he is being treated. truthfully it doesn't matter who starts the screaming the fact is you sink to his level time after time.....remember MODELLING. i agree....but out of the homework war. let him face natural consequences for not completing assignments. i know this is just the opposite of what the schools want us to do, but they are not the ones living in homework h*ll. you, difficult child & the entire family are. that has to stop. maybe if husband could see you making a real effort to change the dynamics between you & difficult child he might be more willing to support you. he may feel like SOMEONE has to be on difficult child's side with-o thinking about how that makes you feel. bottom line....you, as the mom, bear the most burden to help change things. it's not reasonable, nor is it fair. it just is what it is. kris [/i] </span> </span> </span> [/QUOTE]
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