Friday- M had to be picked up from school for head butting a girl, unprovoked, I had gone home from work to have lunch, husband came outside and told me, I lost it on M, totally inappropriate parenting, then me and husband had a huge blowout. After work I had to come home and nap since I had to walk all night with Relay for Life(raise money for cancer) Before I napped husband tried to clear the air with me, but it didn't work. I never did nap, I cried all afternoon. Left did my all night walk, came home saturday morning Saturday-Slept, husband took the twins canoeing and then to the beach for the day, I had the afternoon to sort my feelings out. Came to the conclusion that if husband didn't or wouldn't talk discuss listen etc then maybe a trial separation is needed for us. husband came home we talked, he explained how upset he was at the things I had said, and he also said he saw my point of view and agreed he needed to step up and be there to advocate for his kids, and if that means going over people's heads at the school then so be it. He was mad at me for bringing his aunt into the school stuff with M, he thought the school was retaliating against me for that, but says he was wrong and if they were retaliating then it's up to him to defend us because I told him "I don't care who's toes I step on, I will advocate for my son, and if that means climbing over people then that is what I will do and he's either with me or he's not, in which case we have problems" I discussed everything with his aunt, she said the school cares about M and they would never ever retaliate against him for me bringing her in, she would have been brought in eventually anyways and husband shouldn't think that way, husband agreed, he said he was sorry for that and he will back me more vocally from now on, he also agreed to listen to me talk about the books I'm reading and be more involved. I agreed to watch what I say and try to filter some of my thoughts before telling him. I did tell husband that he is half my stress, because husband freaks out and say "the kid isdisturbed" etc it gets me upset and instead of taking my anger out on husband I take it out on M, and that is just plain wrong, I told husband that I'm not angry with M, I'm angry with him, for not standing up for his kids and making everything an issue, he needs to mellow out a bit and calm down, and then I will be calm, whatever is going on with M it's not the end of the world, we will get through this, he's our son. I told husband that when it's just me and the kids, usually things are smooth, I have a routine that works, there isn't alot of stress, but when he's home it's like I'm on eggshells because he gets pissy over minor things, things he needs to let go. I also told him, he needs to read about stuff and educate himself so together we can work with M to help him, to help us, we need to be united, and we need to realize that there are much worse things in life, we will get through this, but I need him to feel this way, and not feel so doomed all the time, because it affects me which affects how I treat M, and that is what I need to change, I can't let husband affect how I treat my son. M difficult child - husband's aunt said he absolutely does not have ODD, she has worked with kids who have this and he absolutely 100% does not have it, this reasured me greatly, I think it's adhd, she agreed, he could have adhd, I want treatment and we are trying to see a dr to get a diagnosis, because if Ritalin will help with the aggression then why not give it to him? If he had diabetes we would never withhold insulin, so lets see if there is something going on that medications might help. She agreed, her priority is M and the motives behind putting him on medications, I agreed, I'm not a dr and it would be up to a specialist, but we can't carry on this way, it's not fair to ds or to his classmates who eventually will be scared of him. I appologized again to M for getting so upset with him. today is a new day. 2 wks of school left, TG!