How bad can they get?? Always worse....update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by debi, May 8, 2009.

  1. debi

    debi New Member

    This is an update to my previous thread.

    My 16 yo difficult child did run away after we charged him with forging checks. We found out that night that he also stold about $60 from husband and my wallets.

    I heard from him once when he called and bluntly and rudely asked for $10 to pay someone he owed. Well, that would be the cost of a marijuana blunt and I told him absolutely not. He hung up on me and did not hear from again until he decided to come home last night so he could attend the meeting with his PO this morning. I told him if he does not attend then he would go straight to detention. The entire way to the meeting he was verbally abusive, calling me names, telling me emotional abuse was a joke and that all his friends were verbally abusive to their parents.

    He has been taken into custody (of course I cried like a baby) and there will be a detention hearing Mon morning. The PO said he is recommending he stay in detention and I am sure that is what will happen. He did say he was impressed with difficult child's honesty regarding drug use and his crimes and that he looked like a kid who had it together but also said he is intelligent and knows how to present himself to his best advantage. I wish they could see him when he is on a tirade and treating me like complete garbage.

    We are moving from VA to TX the end of June so there are issues with how they will deal with him. I guess we just have to wait and see what will happen. At least they told me they will put him on supervised probation with the interstate compact so he will have his charges follow him.

    I also got the neuropsychologist evaluation back. He said that difficult child has no issues other than ADHD. He is narcisistic and he will only learn through the hard knocks of life. With difficult child's personality type there is a 75% chance he will grow out of it.

    So my hope is that his father is willing to take him to NC with him. He will have greater control over difficult child since he will be on supervised probation. I am just exhausted and emotionally drained. It is so bad that I have not even told my family that I am pregnant and I am going on 6 months. I just do not feel the joy since everything is overshadowed with difficult child's issues.

    Thanks for reading!! It helps to vent to others who are going through similar experiences.

    Anyone have any experience with the interstate compact with supervised juvenile probation??
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Whew - I'm at a loss here. Very concerned about you and the little ones.

    I have no idea how interstate compacts would work - hopefully someone else will have some ideas. I do think that ... gosh, I don't know. My opinion is very much influenced by where I am with my own difficult child right now. The verbal abuse is miserable, I know. The only way that I've found to deal with it is to flat out ignore it, but that's much easier to do when your kid doesn't live with you. But even when my son's been home and started in with his verbal garbage, ignoring it was the only thing that even came close to working. Don't react, don't respond. If he's being verbally abusive, it's definitely not the time to engage in trying to have a reasonable conversation with him.

    I would focus on what you can do to keep yourself, your family, and your property safe. Lock keys and valuables up. Have a safety plan to protect the littles from the verbal junk - I firmly believe that being exposed to verbal violence is just as damaging as the physical violence is.

    How long will he be in juvie? What are the chances his father will take him upon his release?

    I'm really sorry - wish I had someone helpful to add here, but I'm at a complete loss. Please do take this break from his behaviors to take care of yourself.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I have no experience with the interstate compact with supervised juvenile probation but I did want to offer you some support. Frankly... it's probably best for you right now if difficult child is in custody so you can straighten out other issues without being abused by him. I think you are right that it is time for his father to become involved again.

    When you say the family doesn't know about your pregnancy, do you mean extended family? You've got a lot on your plate right now... try to take time to care for yourself so you'll be able to be there for everyone else.