How can I leave my dysfunctional marriage?

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
If idiot husband is going to go to court with a lawyer for child custody, you have to be able to afford a lawyer too. Without one you will not win. With one, your chances of custody are very good as the primary caregiver of most of the children's life usually is awarded custody. Status quo is important to judges, GALs (Guardian Ad Litems) and psychologists. All of these can and usually do come into play in a court drama is both of you want to go for custody. It is very unlikely he will be written off entirely. The least a biological parent is awarded is every other weekend (EOW) and once for dinner during the week. You can shoot for husband getting only that.

To achieve it, no matter how much this man tries to get you to leave the house, don't and NEVER leave the kids. However, if you do leave AND BRING the kids with you, it is possible he can go to court and get an order for temporary parenting hours between you two...and that is up to a judge. I can't stress enough that you need a family law attorney. Stash all the money you can for that. He will have to pay child support and probably alimony and you can use that for rent. My son used a VERY high profile attorney group and it cost his father, who paid, about $30K. But he got 50% custody, which most men don't have. Your husband would need a lot of money to really fight you, and you have to at least be able to respond with a lawyer.

If you feel he abuses you or is threatening to you, call the police. This starts a record for you. My son had a very crazy wife and she wanted to take his son away from him almost entirely. It was long, ugly, and contentious. You should read up all you can on custody laws in your state and be well prepared. In the meantime, I'd let him yell his brains out and not answer him. Why throw fuel on the fire? And you have your little secret...you are going to leave him when the time is right. Never, ever tell him that. It will give HIM the heads up and time to plan.

I learned many rules watching my son's custody battle. Things like whether husband cheated on you, or is a creep, or whatever he did to YOU is unimpportant. Don't dwell on it. Focus on showing why you are the greatest mom on earth. Volunteer. Be room mother. The judge will care about that and frown on you if you make it about your husband. They care about the child, not about your problems with your ex. My son found that out the hard way. So did his ex. They also don't care if his house is nicer than yours, your neighborhood better than his, and things like that. That isn't even a factor as long as neither of you are not caught doing illegal things, such as getting DUIs or even smoking pot. Be an angel!

If you go for advice to a shelter or anywhere (social services) keep it to yourself. Don't show your cards. He doesn't need to know what you are doing. It will only give him a way to plan how to counteract what YOU are doing. Put on your poker face.

Hugs and good luck.
 
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