how come he can do it

[candiecotton]

G was instantly in a moood tonight when she came in & after some yelling & screaming fromher she didnt want to eat with us & so she decided she had to go to the bathroom . after 5 minutes up here i asked D o go check on her & hubby said n o & he came up ater a few minutes of yelling things got quiet . I came up to get C into the bath & theyre talking like 2 normal humans
why cant i get that . i refuse to give into her when shes in a mood & i will tell her when she is shouting that i am not shouting & she wont give it up but after 5 minutes hubby has her calm down .
is it somethingi am doing or something he is doing he doesnt do anything that i dont do he refuses to give in to her & they evenmade a date for coffee ( well hot chocolate & tea)
but i get nothing but contempt .
what am i doing wrong

 

[susiestar]

It isn't YOU. It is her. For some reason our difficult children can often treat others with some politeness when they treat us moms like poop. I can remember thinking the same thing at times.

I wish I had some better insight. At least you are not alone as I have often been treated the same.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

 

[KTMom91]

My daughter is awful to my Hubby (her stepfather), and is marginally nicer to me. The only thing I've been able to come up with is she sees me as the Alpha wolf. Also, my Hubby is a kind and gentle man, and I'm confrontational and "in your face" when necessary. Think pack behaviors...my daughter is more threatened by me, so she's nicer. Maybe your G sees your Hubby as the Big Boss, so he gets the respect you don't.

Just an idea.

 

[Wiped Out]

It really isn't you. My difficult child is the same with me but much better (still not great) for husband.

 

[candiecotton]

hubbys not the boss in the house i am lol he gave me that roll when we got married . i do let hmim from time to time think hes in charge but hes not . he comes from a very strict family & his father is domineering even now his father will call & yell at him if he doesnt drop everything & run & hubbys 40 .So its easier to be in chsrge more than him

 

[JJJ]

The mother-daughter bond is very complicated. Mothers generally take the brunt of it from their teen daughters for a variety of reasons. Heck, if husband is having success with her - he can be the primary parent of her for a while and give you a break.

 

[Marguerite]

I've noticed that it tends to be the more "in charge" parent who cops the worst of it from a difficult child fighting for control. When the difficult child perceives things as a power struggle, and they feel they have to fight you to get what they want (ands especially if you fight back to maintain your own control) that is when you can get this sort of stuff. It may not be that of course, but we found using "Explosive Child" techniques helped. It didn't make it all go away, but iit did help us teach him to not be so reactive.

Marg

 

[candiecotton]

if hubby took over the parenting of her she would run him she knows all she has to do is look @ him & call him daddy & she will get what she wants i ground her & he will let her off . we only have her a few hours a day after school because shes decided not to com out over noight for a while & then we have the socal worker telling us how hard it must be . now this woman is younger than me with no children yet shes supposed to be an "expert" yeah right
so G isnt out here yet today but im guessing she will come in a mood again & im hoping to get a nap before work tonight