Honestly, this is an important question. My first thought is to say I tried hard NOT to be the mother I had. However my first family of choice included a man who was emotionally unavailable and we snipped at each other a lot. He called me names and I cried and tried to do better . A lot like my foo. Since my parents fought all the time, for a long time I actually believed my marriage was normal. I also thought that I could not defend myself because ex had a serious disease and in my foo you treated sick people differently. Took until my 30s to feel so desperate I joined coda and changed my thinking which lead to divorce. Id learned by then and when I finally fell in love again it was with an easygoing emotionally available man. I have since talkedvwith ex, we both admitted our faults in the marriage, and get along. But my foo really affected the dynamics of my first marriage.