I didn't know where else to turn to get this off of my chest so here goes... A lot of things are bothering me and they will not go away. First, oldest son is not speaking to me due to the fact that husband will not allow him on our property because of the threat when he moved to CA and was panicking at being in a new environment, to "burn our house down". Not a smart move on his part, but in hindsight I blew it out of proportion to the point where I was seriously thinking of getting a restraining order. Even have the papers in my kitchen drawer still. BUT, the combo of son freaking out and me being perimenopausal is not a pretty sight. I know in my heart he was just acting out and I took it way too far. But I guess part of me was tired of his ranting and raving at me from 2000 miles away and I told husband about it. Dumb, dumb, dumb as husband cannot fathom how I can now forgive him for it and he WILL not let him near our home until he proves he is getting help for his anger. This is all well and good and should probably happen for son's benefit anyway, BUT he and his girlfriend are not letting me see Kyla because of it. I miss my grandbaby like crazy, but he refuses to have anything to do with me and since she is his daughter, he is keeping her away from me to hurt me. Well, I have about had it with both husband and with J. I know he would never hurt me or husband or our house, but husband can hold a grudge for years and I just see it turning into me not being around Kyla anymore. AND - first thing this morning I get a call from my youngest son's dad telling me that he had to go get him at school and that he took a "bunch of pills" and has to get drug tested and may get thrown in jail. OMG!!!! This is my baby who is the love of my life right now. He does not want to live with his dad any longer because dad has a new girlfriend (ex-druggie) and is never home so A is home all of the time by himself and does not like it. I asked him what he took (Seroquel) and how many (2) and WHY (because he had a headache and he was upset that he couldn't move up here). Well, now I am fit to be tied. I really want him to move home because now I really miss him, but we told him that he had to stay down there and graduate because that is the deal we made. He had bugged me, cried, threw fits to move down with his dad and I finally relented last year with the stipulation that he stay down there until he graduates (he's a junior this year) and that there would be no bouncing back and forth between my house and his dad's house. And he has made progress in school down there by leaps and bounds. But he promises me that if we let him move back home with us he will try in school (claims he wasn't trying at all before) and do anything we ask of him. He now has a girlfriend where we live and I know he would do good just to be able to be with her. I know I am just rambling, sorry. What this all boils down to is husband has to have things "his way or the highway". I hate that about him, but it's not like I didn't know that. I mean, I've known and loved this man for almost 30 years. However, there is no comprise when it comes to J and I don't think he is going to change his mind about A moving back either. My problem is that we have no family close and we have NO friends that we do things with here. So, it's just me and him right now and I miss my kids and granddaughter. He has never had children and doesn't understand the feelings I am having. I even told him the other night that I wished he had had at least one kid so he would know the parental love I feel for my boys. He agreed and I about fell off of the couch. However, it did nothing to change his mind about J or letting him come over to bring the baby and drop off some things they need stored until they get their apartment in a couple of weeks. I just feel alienated, lonely and miserable and it hurts to know that I don't think that is going to matter to him. I want A to move back with us and finish school, period. He has no supervision down there right now and that's not what he wants or needs. He misses having a "family" around. His dad and his ex-girlfriend split up and now there is this new girlfriend right away. He's miserable down there and I'm miserable having him down there. I thought I would like the "empty nest" thing and 90% of the time I do, but I am getting really, really sick of it being just husband and I and NO ONE else. So, how do I put my foot down without causing WWIII and let it be known that I want A to move back home? If you have made it this far in my rant, I thank you. I just needed to get it down in black and white and try and make sense of some of it. Thanks!!!