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How do I let go?
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<blockquote data-quote="WhyDoWeFallBruce?" data-source="post: 751407" data-attributes="member: 24405"><p>Hi Julee,</p><p></p><p>For many years, I was angry at my mother for providing a really bad chilhood. And later at my father for not being around and dying on me too early.</p><p>I left home at 15.</p><p>We never got along after that.</p><p>One thing that left me damaged and gave me trouble for many years, was the constant need of feeling loved. It took many hours of therapy and experiences in life, before I learned how to deal with my childhood.</p><p>One thing I learned:</p><p>She did her best. Not too good, in all honesty, but nevertheless her best.</p><p>And so, it was MY responsibility to change myself. I learned that the power to either ruin or create my life was mine and mine alone.</p><p>Another lesson learned was that depending on other people’s feelings was not very sustainable.</p><p></p><p>My substance abusing twin brother never took that responsability. He let the lack of love as a child lead his way into a very sad life, full of anger and hatred. And loss.</p><p></p><p>You have done you best. He knows that you love him and that is good enough.</p><p>He needs to learn to be an adult, and you cannot make him.</p><p>Maybe you have co-created some patterns with your son, that need changing.</p><p>You might need therapy to identfy those patterns, in order to change them.</p><p>He has his own path to find, and all you can do is send him off with love.</p><p>Still, you do need to send him off. </p><p></p><p>Stay strong</p><p>P.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhyDoWeFallBruce?, post: 751407, member: 24405"] Hi Julee, For many years, I was angry at my mother for providing a really bad chilhood. And later at my father for not being around and dying on me too early. I left home at 15. We never got along after that. One thing that left me damaged and gave me trouble for many years, was the constant need of feeling loved. It took many hours of therapy and experiences in life, before I learned how to deal with my childhood. One thing I learned: She did her best. Not too good, in all honesty, but nevertheless her best. And so, it was MY responsibility to change myself. I learned that the power to either ruin or create my life was mine and mine alone. Another lesson learned was that depending on other people’s feelings was not very sustainable. My substance abusing twin brother never took that responsability. He let the lack of love as a child lead his way into a very sad life, full of anger and hatred. And loss. You have done you best. He knows that you love him and that is good enough. He needs to learn to be an adult, and you cannot make him. Maybe you have co-created some patterns with your son, that need changing. You might need therapy to identfy those patterns, in order to change them. He has his own path to find, and all you can do is send him off with love. Still, you do need to send him off. Stay strong P. [/QUOTE]
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