Daughter is back on meth, ex son-in-law on probation and no drivers license. Grandchildren are 2 and 6, living temporarily with husband and me. Daughter threatening to take kids and move out of town. She is in no shape to care for them right now. Any ideas? I am scared for these precious babies.
How do I protect grand babies?
- Thread starter Cjm
- Start date
mom_to_3
Active Member
So sorry to hear of your predicament. You must be very worried about your grandchildren. Clearly your daughter is in no position to care for her children. What was their father in jail for? Is he active in the children's lives? Are there any concerns regarding him parenting his children? If the children's father is responsible (I say that lightly)and he wants to a part of their lives or parent them, there isn't much you can do. If there are issue's with him, then I would contact child protective services. They will become involved just based on your daughters drug use. If you were willing, CPS could place the children with you or another family member while they work with the parents to clean up their act. So sorry you are in this position.
I went back and read that your daughter was threatening to take the children. I would go ahead and contact CPS now and let them sort this out. You don't want your daughter taking the children. This must be very upsetting for those babies!
I went back and read that your daughter was threatening to take the children. I would go ahead and contact CPS now and let them sort this out. You don't want your daughter taking the children. This must be very upsetting for those babies!
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Welcome. I am sorry. It's heart wrenching when we are on the sidelines when our grand babies are put at risk. Are you thinking of trying to gain custody? I do not know where you live, but I am in No. Ca. and how I went about gaining legal permanent guardianship for my granddaughter was a number of steps. I first contacted Child Protective Services and reported my daughter, if your daughter is placing the children at risk in any way and you are willing to help and keep the children, they MIGHT be able to help you. I feel that I was fortunate in that there was a Social Worker who took a real interest in me who worked for CPS and she directed me through the process of how to get temporary guardianship (which is essentially for a few months to ensure the children are kept safe) and then permanent guardianship. I've heard stories about CPS which are not favorable, so I am not always sure that's the best option. It's a long process which involves court dates where your daughter will be notified to appear. It sounds as if she will likely fight you. If you can afford it, it may be prudent to find an attorney who is well versed in guardianship issues. You can also go online to your County Court and find the paperwork necessary for the temp. and perm. guardianship. I am so sorry, it is a terrible place to be, I understand how you feel................sending you good thoughts that this gets resolved and the children are kept safe.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Is there any way you can contact an attorney and try to get custody?
I hope that this is just an empty threat. If she's on meth I hope the last thing she'll want to have around the children. My guess is that unless the kids are injured, hungry, or she is high.....cps can't do anything. I know we have had to call cps and kids are not removed from the home where it clearly seems they should be. If she comes and takes them, call then, tell her you are calling them right away. The husband on probation will not want cps near them.
This is a completely uneducated guess however. Find out all you can about what the state allows, how and if you can intervene, and the protocol for everything. Inform yourself, make calls and write everything down, especially the persons name you speak to. I'm so sorry, it's hard enough taking care of small children all day, that pales in comparison to the worry difficult child is causing you right now. hugs.
This is a completely uneducated guess however. Find out all you can about what the state allows, how and if you can intervene, and the protocol for everything. Inform yourself, make calls and write everything down, especially the persons name you speak to. I'm so sorry, it's hard enough taking care of small children all day, that pales in comparison to the worry difficult child is causing you right now. hugs.
C
Crazy Chaos
Guest
If CPS is not involved, you currently have the children, you don't need CPS to remove the children from her. call your local family court clerks office for direction. In NY, you can file a custody petition and you do not need to hire an attorney.
DDD
Well-Known Member
Do you have any paperwork or do you just have the children because she gave them to you or you took them with her permission? My husband and I had a Durable Power of Attorney agreement prepared by our attorney which gave us permission to take the children for medical care, sign up for schools etc. and we had no issues (well almost no issues). on the other hand, we were not dealing with drugs. Alot depends on how your working relationship is with your daughter....and....how sophisticated she is. It "could" be as simple as meeting with her, requesting the DP of A paper be signed "until she is healthier" and if necessary adding that you can request drug testing/programs as a requirement for her taking possession of the children.
We're on your team....and the children's, of course. DDD
We're on your team....and the children's, of course. DDD
Thank you all for the comments. Will call our county court in the morning, CPS if needed. Had good conversation with ex son in law today. Not ideal situation, but he is trying to get life in order and wants to be semi involved in children's lives. Had a good friend tell me "maybe this is your purgatory". I appreciate all the prayers.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I hope ex-son in law is happy with you taking care of the kids while he gets his life together. If the kids have been with you for any length of time then you are probably their security.
In my state it is very hard for grandparents to get any true rights unless they fight for custody and that is so hard its almost an impossible task. You have to prove the parents are completely unfit to be a parent and thats a tough hill to climb. Now if your daughter shows up to interview with CPS completely high they would probably take the kids from her. Of course the next logical step in their minds is the father. However he may tell CPS that he is fine with you taking care of them. We are going through something similar except for the reasons why CPS is involved. In our case we are happy with the maternal grandmother having primary physical custody and my son having visitation. Actually him having visitation means we have it because he is out of town. He cant raise a child in a motel room.
You should probably research grandparents rights along with how to get temporary custody of them for right now.
In my state it is very hard for grandparents to get any true rights unless they fight for custody and that is so hard its almost an impossible task. You have to prove the parents are completely unfit to be a parent and thats a tough hill to climb. Now if your daughter shows up to interview with CPS completely high they would probably take the kids from her. Of course the next logical step in their minds is the father. However he may tell CPS that he is fine with you taking care of them. We are going through something similar except for the reasons why CPS is involved. In our case we are happy with the maternal grandmother having primary physical custody and my son having visitation. Actually him having visitation means we have it because he is out of town. He cant raise a child in a motel room.
You should probably research grandparents rights along with how to get temporary custody of them for right now.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Hi - I am in a similar situation but my grandson is not born, yet. I have the paperwork drawn up for temporary guardianship and power of attorney. I will have this all filled out in the hospital so we don't run into this problem. I will tell you that my lawyer told me I did not need her for this part - she told me exactly what I needed to do on my own. She did tell me that difficult child can revoke temporary guardianship but that we can contest it if we wish. She said in her experience, unless the parents totally have it all together, the judge is not likely to revoke the temporary guardianship.
I would definitely contact a lawyer to ask the questions - most of them will talk with you on the phone for free.
Good luck - prayers being sent for you and those innocent babies....
I would definitely contact a lawyer to ask the questions - most of them will talk with you on the phone for free.
Good luck - prayers being sent for you and those innocent babies....
scent of cedar
New Member
Good for you for contacting legal authorities. It is good to have information. If you need to act, you will be prepared. There was a time when husband and I considered calling Child Protective Services. We decided to trust that daughter would do the right thing by the kids.
She did not, and the kids suffered.
The situation may be about to repeat itself. This time, we have contacted Social Services, already. Knowing who to call and what will likely happen if we do that has helped us stay balanced. Information counters the fear, confusion, and anger we feel when we know we need to protect the kids, but we don't know how to do that.
You are doing the right thing.
Half the battle is understanding that the situation really is as bad for the kids as we suspect it is. It feels wrong to step in.
difficult child moms tend to minimize the wrongness of what they are exposing their children to. They like to rail about their rights to parent their own children. It is so hard to know what to do.
Cedar
She did not, and the kids suffered.
The situation may be about to repeat itself. This time, we have contacted Social Services, already. Knowing who to call and what will likely happen if we do that has helped us stay balanced. Information counters the fear, confusion, and anger we feel when we know we need to protect the kids, but we don't know how to do that.
You are doing the right thing.
Half the battle is understanding that the situation really is as bad for the kids as we suspect it is. It feels wrong to step in.
difficult child moms tend to minimize the wrongness of what they are exposing their children to. They like to rail about their rights to parent their own children. It is so hard to know what to do.
Cedar
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Just because a father is or has been on probation doesnt automatically make him unfit to take care of his own kids. Im sure that there are plenty of families where one or both parents have been or are on probation and take wonderful care of their kids.
I hope you do get to keep the kids full time (if that is what you want) and that their father will step up to the plate and maybe have joint custody with you even if its not legally that way. I guess what Im trying to say is that it goes basically the way it works in our family. For most of my oldest granddaughter's life the maternal grandmother has been the primary caretaker but my son and us have had her pretty much whenever we wanted before she started school and then it was every other weekend and most holiday's except Mother's Day. She went to another state for almost 2 years when her mother's husband got stationed there which absolutely killed all of us left behind but now that she is back, we have our normal contact back. We get her every other weekend unless they want us to take her on one of their weekends and we have had her quite a bit this summer. I also take her one day each week to gymnastics.
At the moment, difficult child, the father of Monkey and Mouse, has Mouse with him most of the time now that he and her mom arent living together. They still consider themselves somewhat of a couple but they are simply living apart. difficult child lives at my house with Mouse and the mom comes over and sees her a few times a week and will sometimes take her with her overnight but she spends most of her time here. Too much time for me sometimes! A toddler is hard on me...lol. I force her daddy to do most stuff for her except I do buy diapers if he is broke.
I hope you do get to keep the kids full time (if that is what you want) and that their father will step up to the plate and maybe have joint custody with you even if its not legally that way. I guess what Im trying to say is that it goes basically the way it works in our family. For most of my oldest granddaughter's life the maternal grandmother has been the primary caretaker but my son and us have had her pretty much whenever we wanted before she started school and then it was every other weekend and most holiday's except Mother's Day. She went to another state for almost 2 years when her mother's husband got stationed there which absolutely killed all of us left behind but now that she is back, we have our normal contact back. We get her every other weekend unless they want us to take her on one of their weekends and we have had her quite a bit this summer. I also take her one day each week to gymnastics.
At the moment, difficult child, the father of Monkey and Mouse, has Mouse with him most of the time now that he and her mom arent living together. They still consider themselves somewhat of a couple but they are simply living apart. difficult child lives at my house with Mouse and the mom comes over and sees her a few times a week and will sometimes take her with her overnight but she spends most of her time here. Too much time for me sometimes! A toddler is hard on me...lol. I force her daddy to do most stuff for her except I do buy diapers if he is broke.
