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How do I stop feeling guilt and fear?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 728492" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Acacia, I am so sorry for what you are going through.</p><p> I am glad you are resolved that your son will not live with you. It is unacceptable that he mistreats you. I am thinking after reading your post that your sons impending release in spring is frightening. That is hard. Forgive me if I am wrong. I understand, my daughter has loomed over me more than once, and the possibility of her acting on impulse makes me leery of her. Actually, I have encountered menacing moments with both of my daughters. It is scary.</p><p> I don't blame you for feeling this way. He is bullying you.</p><p> Don't cut yourself down for how you feel. We are only human. I have three grands from Tornado and am unable to take care of them. They are with their paternal grandparents. Neither one of their parents are capable or suitable at this time to care for them, they are both out there using drugs. I go through periods of guilt and sadness for my grands and wish life would be better for them. They seem to be okay, and like living where they are at. They have much more stability then before. I hope the same for your granddaughter. How our d cs think that they can care for children, when they are floundering themselves. Unrealistic. My three grands ended up being "cash cows" .....food stamps. It is disgusting to me. But the guilt is unwarranted. These are <em>their children</em>. Their parents are supposed to take responsibility to raise them. Some folks raise their grands, but if one is unable, that is just what <em>is.</em></p><p>I would be afraid as well, wondering what is down the road when your son gets out of prison. Is there anyone you could speak with about this? I have not dealt with this, so I don't know. But I do understand your fear. He is already ignoring your wishes to not use your address (which is smart, by the way, people use mail to establish residency) and demanding money from you. Are you seeing a therapist? Is there anyone you could speak with confidentially about your concerns? I find that knowledge is power, that is what you need to be... empowered. It is not fair to be held for ransom with your sons demands. There must be someone that can help you walk through this.</p><p> You are not a bad person, Acacia, you are a human being who deserves to be treated kindly. You matter. Your safety and serenity matters. Manipulation and guilting someone into getting what we want is not love, it is abuse.</p><p>You do not deserve to be treated this way.</p><p>I am sorry for your troubles. It is hard enough to deal with the normal stresses in our lives, but this on top of everything is extremely difficult.</p><p>Stay tough and stick to your boundaries. I know there are folks here who have <em>limited</em> calls from jail, until their d cs can speak respectfully with them. I think this is more than reasonable. Your son needs to remember that you are his mother, not someone he can push around and make demands on.</p><p>Unacceptable behavior.</p><p>Period.</p><p>Please be very kind to yourself and take steps to protect YOU!</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 728492, member: 19522"] Acacia, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am glad you are resolved that your son will not live with you. It is unacceptable that he mistreats you. I am thinking after reading your post that your sons impending release in spring is frightening. That is hard. Forgive me if I am wrong. I understand, my daughter has loomed over me more than once, and the possibility of her acting on impulse makes me leery of her. Actually, I have encountered menacing moments with both of my daughters. It is scary. I don't blame you for feeling this way. He is bullying you. Don't cut yourself down for how you feel. We are only human. I have three grands from Tornado and am unable to take care of them. They are with their paternal grandparents. Neither one of their parents are capable or suitable at this time to care for them, they are both out there using drugs. I go through periods of guilt and sadness for my grands and wish life would be better for them. They seem to be okay, and like living where they are at. They have much more stability then before. I hope the same for your granddaughter. How our d cs think that they can care for children, when they are floundering themselves. Unrealistic. My three grands ended up being "cash cows" .....food stamps. It is disgusting to me. But the guilt is unwarranted. These are [I]their children[/I]. Their parents are supposed to take responsibility to raise them. Some folks raise their grands, but if one is unable, that is just what [I]is.[/I] I would be afraid as well, wondering what is down the road when your son gets out of prison. Is there anyone you could speak with about this? I have not dealt with this, so I don't know. But I do understand your fear. He is already ignoring your wishes to not use your address (which is smart, by the way, people use mail to establish residency) and demanding money from you. Are you seeing a therapist? Is there anyone you could speak with confidentially about your concerns? I find that knowledge is power, that is what you need to be... empowered. It is not fair to be held for ransom with your sons demands. There must be someone that can help you walk through this. You are not a bad person, Acacia, you are a human being who deserves to be treated kindly. You matter. Your safety and serenity matters. Manipulation and guilting someone into getting what we want is not love, it is abuse. You do not deserve to be treated this way. I am sorry for your troubles. It is hard enough to deal with the normal stresses in our lives, but this on top of everything is extremely difficult. Stay tough and stick to your boundaries. I know there are folks here who have [I]limited[/I] calls from jail, until their d cs can speak respectfully with them. I think this is more than reasonable. Your son needs to remember that you are his mother, not someone he can push around and make demands on. Unacceptable behavior. Period. Please be very kind to yourself and take steps to protect YOU! (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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How do I stop feeling guilt and fear?
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