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Substance Abuse
How do parents deal with the pain?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677781" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>First, Tia, you are not alone in any of this. I am so glad you found us. I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me. By posting you will find solutions. You will find a way to get through this. For your child and for you, and for your family.</p><p></p><p>From what you tell us you are thinking about the situation correctly. Any money goes to drugs. Drug use is probably not confined to marijuana.</p><p></p><p>I live in the states. I do not know Canadian law. Here 17 is still a minor. You would have access to her medical records and I believe in many states you would sign consent. Here parents would have leverage until 18. It sounds like it is not the same in Canada.</p><p></p><p>This is what I have learned: I cannot allow disrespect to me or in my home. I cannot allow my son to flaunt my rules. If he does not accept them, he leaves ( he is legally an adult.) There is no negotiating. I have no control except over my home (if I take it) and over myself. If I had it to do over again I would have gotten tough sooner. It would have been better for me and for my child. Only your daughter can change herself. She will do so when she is ready. There is hope.</p><p>'</p><p>All of the love you gave your daughter and the things you taught her are in there somewhere. </p><p></p><p>You did absolutely the right thing, I think, by pushing she be hospitalized. While it would hurt me, I would not care one bit that she is mad. You have let her know you mean business. You have taken a firm stand for her mental health and her sobriety. You have sent the message you will not tolerate she mistreat herself or you and your family. She has to own what is going on, whether or not she wants to. There is the potential for help, now. She knows that she can no longer snow you.You have drawn a line in the stand. All of these things are good.</p><p></p><p>Millions of young people have these kinds of issues. We just never believe it will be the babies we love now nearly grown.</p><p></p><p>You are strong enough to get through this and to help your daughter as she mends herself. If you keep posting you will learn a new way to "help" which is very different than the typical way we think of it. It is called detachment. (It does not mean we love them any less.) If you have not done so yet, there is an article on this site about detachment. The member scentofcedar at the bottom of her posts has a link to an article by dr. Kathleen McCoy about how to talk to your child. Those will be a start.</p><p></p><p>Almost all of us have been in your shoes, some version of it. I have only been posting since last April. I could never imagined the difference it has made for us. Keep posting. The more the better. If you can, try posting on as many threads as you can. It is a very powerful force for change and great support. I think you will learn a lot. I sure did.</p><p></p><p>Please take care of yourself. None of this is your fault. Try to be kind to yourself. I am so glad you found us. I am sorry this is all so hard.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677781, member: 18958"] First, Tia, you are not alone in any of this. I am so glad you found us. I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me. By posting you will find solutions. You will find a way to get through this. For your child and for you, and for your family. From what you tell us you are thinking about the situation correctly. Any money goes to drugs. Drug use is probably not confined to marijuana. I live in the states. I do not know Canadian law. Here 17 is still a minor. You would have access to her medical records and I believe in many states you would sign consent. Here parents would have leverage until 18. It sounds like it is not the same in Canada. This is what I have learned: I cannot allow disrespect to me or in my home. I cannot allow my son to flaunt my rules. If he does not accept them, he leaves ( he is legally an adult.) There is no negotiating. I have no control except over my home (if I take it) and over myself. If I had it to do over again I would have gotten tough sooner. It would have been better for me and for my child. Only your daughter can change herself. She will do so when she is ready. There is hope. ' All of the love you gave your daughter and the things you taught her are in there somewhere. You did absolutely the right thing, I think, by pushing she be hospitalized. While it would hurt me, I would not care one bit that she is mad. You have let her know you mean business. You have taken a firm stand for her mental health and her sobriety. You have sent the message you will not tolerate she mistreat herself or you and your family. She has to own what is going on, whether or not she wants to. There is the potential for help, now. She knows that she can no longer snow you.You have drawn a line in the stand. All of these things are good. Millions of young people have these kinds of issues. We just never believe it will be the babies we love now nearly grown. You are strong enough to get through this and to help your daughter as she mends herself. If you keep posting you will learn a new way to "help" which is very different than the typical way we think of it. It is called detachment. (It does not mean we love them any less.) If you have not done so yet, there is an article on this site about detachment. The member scentofcedar at the bottom of her posts has a link to an article by dr. Kathleen McCoy about how to talk to your child. Those will be a start. Almost all of us have been in your shoes, some version of it. I have only been posting since last April. I could never imagined the difference it has made for us. Keep posting. The more the better. If you can, try posting on as many threads as you can. It is a very powerful force for change and great support. I think you will learn a lot. I sure did. Please take care of yourself. None of this is your fault. Try to be kind to yourself. I am so glad you found us. I am sorry this is all so hard. COPA [/QUOTE]
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