How do you all deal with the constant stress?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dstc_99, Nov 6, 2012.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    How do you all deal with the constant stress?

    Right now I am clinically depressed and fighting with myself constantly. I am so tired all the time and have no energy for anything. I tend to lock myself away in my bedroom and pray for absolute silence. I know this is hurting my youngest child but I can’t seem to make myself stop. It is affecting my job and every time I miss or come in late I just feel even worse about myself. I don’t know if people are looking at me differently or if I am just feeling like it because I am berating my own bad behavior.

    Long story short I just don’t know how people do this for years and handle it. It is to the point where I want to take a leave of absence or quit my job just so I can get better. I cant handle the feelings of failure! And I feel like I can’t handle another body blow right now. It is one thing to feel like a bad parent when you have a child with issues. It is another to feel like you are shutting down and possibly making things worse.
  2. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I'm bipolar and I suffered through a two year long depression not too long ago. It got so bad that I admitted myself into a psychiatric ward for a few days. My mom watched the kids for me. They gave me some good medications, and I got the respite I so desperately needed. Are you on any medications right now? Do you have someone who can help you and take the kids for a bit to give yourself some rest? I'm sorry you are having to go through this right now. Depression is bad enough, but add a couple of difficult child kids in the mix and it's really no fun. Hope you can get the help that you need.
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately my mom is a bipolar schozophrenic alcoholic and my dad has his hands full with her. Plus she cant stand to be alone so she would just cause more drama if I asked him to come and not her.

    They recently changed my medications from Celexa to Pristiq and that makes me feel even more blah than ever. I honestly have to force myself to do things. Today one of my coworkers said I was depressing. I just want to cry.
  4. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Can you make an emergency appointment with psychiatrist? Sounds like you need a medication change ASAP.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dstc, are you on any medication for yourself? If you are clinically depressed, medication will help you. Have you been evaluated for depression? If you haven't you might want to start there and also make sure you are in good health by being checked out by a medical doctor. Being tired, with no energy and isolating yourself are all symptoms of depression as well as chronic stress. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have a lot on your plate and it doesn't sound as if you have much support. With so many issues with your children and little support, it is a bad recipe for depression. I have had much stress in my life and over a long period of time it became necessary for me to learn ways to take care of me, to nurture myself, to do things just for me. Are you in any kind of counseling or therapy? That helped me a lot. Are their any support groups available? Do you get any exercise? Little steps help a lot. If you can make a plan to start today, that will help your depression considerably.

    Start something today. Take a walk, as long as you can. Go to the gym. Get your nails done. Take some small action that is only for you. Get help. In whatever form you can so you have a place that is just yours where you can vent, share, cry, complain, feel, all of it. Connect with a friend. Look at your diet and start making changes. I have found that sugar and alcohol produce moodiness and depression for me, can produce blood sugar issues, a lot of negative stuff which will make you feel worse. Gluten, wheat and dairy also can be negative for some folks. Change your diet to include more whole grains, veggies and fruit. As much as you can handle it, make small changes daily, no matter how small, the action you take will make a big difference. Get up 10 minutes earlier and breathe deeply, meditate, do yoga, just sit in a chair and think of everything you are grateful for.

    If you can continue to make small changes each day, changes for you, you can make a huge difference in the way you feel. You have some control over it. I understand isolating yourself, but that only serves to make you feel worse. I've been in your shoes and I understand how hopeless and overwhelming it can all feel. Please seek out some outside help, get yourself some support, take some small steps just for you and know that you're not alone, many of us here can understand exactly how you are feeling right now. (((HUGS))))
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ditto CB.
    You already have access to resources - that usually takes time if you don't have tdocs and psychiatrists.
    THEY need to know everything you told us - and more.
    And then THEY need to help you find the right interventions, accommodations and medications for YOU.

    Sometimes we have to treat ourselves like difficult children and go into Warrior Mom mode for MOM. Hard to do... been there done that.
    But you have to. For you. For the kids. For your job.

    There is hope, and there is help.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    In the past I have suffered from depression and even when not all the way there, my go to is to hibernate too. I absolutely force myself out of the house daily. Even if cold the daylight helps me. Some days it is really just putting one foot in front of another. If I feel I have done nothing I feel terrible about myself and I literally can do ONE thing like put a stamp on something I have to mail and put it in the box and it is amazing to me how my body feels lighter and I can do one more thing.

    I am also known for taking baths.

    Look, this is not easy. You absolutely do need to check in about the new medications because it does not sound like you are saying you feel they are helping, maybe even making things worse. Therapy is super helpful as you likely know, but making that phone call is it today if you possibly can.

    Sending you hugs, it is a huge job to put that oxygen mask on you first so you can take care of others.....but it is very true that is the way it must be.
  8. Big hugs for you and what you are going through. You have already gotten some good advice. Go into Warrior Mom mode for yourself (like Insane said) and if you can force yourself to see the doctors and do the things necessary to help yourself you will be making progress.

    I'm so sorry for what you are feeling right now. It's awful. I certainly understand how you feel. Many many people here do - you are in good and sympathetic company here.

    If your medication is not working then you need to get to the doctor asap.

    Again - hugs.
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I have been diagnosed with depression and am going to see the therapist on Friday which I hope will help. I do excersize three days a week but for the last two weeks I haven't been able to make myself go. I finally went yesterday and walked the treadmill for an hour at an easy pace. It helped but it also didn't change anything. Every time I go away and do something for myself it seems like something comes up to bite me in the butt. It feels like a conspiracy! Seriously last time I spent a night away my mom got drunk and told my youngest "I can't make you love me." I really cant wait until my husband comes home and helps with this.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    I am so sorry, but so glad you did the treadmill yesterday! Yes, it does change things. It changes your seratonin level and cuts down on your cortisol. That will help ... it will keep you from catching colds and help you sleep at night.

    I love sleeping too. Hibernating, reading in bed, being alone. I crave it.

    I would narrow your stress scope and forget about your mom and totally focus on you and your kids. I hate to say it, but there is nothing you can do about your mom. There is only one of you and you are not responsible for her. You are responsible for yourself and your kids.
    Get Caller ID ifyou don't already have it and screen your mom's calls. Do not answer no matter what, even if you get a msg that she's in the ER psychiatric unit. In fact, that would be a good thing because someone else would be dealing with-her.
    If you feel guilty, send a card every 10 days, something generic, thinking of you but I've been sick/busy, etc.

    I would also get a test for Epstein Barr. It does not come with-a regular CBC. You have to specifically ask for it. I had it several yrs ago and seriously thought I was losing my mind. I didn't even want to open Christmas presents because the thought of writing thank you notes sent me to tears!
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    You're right when you say that the exercise doesn't change things, but it does help YOU. I don't know how old your kids are. I know that I can leave my difficult child home alone and take easy child with me if I need to go out, which helps alot because I don't have to deal with his difficult child-ness when I'm out.

    You need to have an outlet for yourself. Something that is just for you. A hobby. Something! I do alot of needlework, but I find that when I'm feeling really down in the dumps I read alot because I can pour myself into my books and forget what is going on here in my real world. When is your husband coming home? When he comes home you need to be able to get out of the house with out the kids for a little while. Even if you just go and sit on a benck in the park with a cup of coffee or a good book. I think that all of us here need that time for ourselves. It helps to recharge our batteries so that we can come back refreshed and more able to deal with what is going on around us.

    From what you're saying I think that you need to speak to your psychiatrist about the medications that you're taking. It sounds like they are making the bad situation even worse and you need something that is going to help you feel better, not worse.

    Keep us posted about how you're doing.