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How do you cope when your child chooses to be homeless?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 630593" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>My daughter was homeless for five months. Like most homeless people do, she had the option of shelter living and refused it. She had the option of living with family, but refused that, too. When we came back into her area, she still refused to come in.</p><p></p><p>Unless we took the homeless man she was living with in, too<em>.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>! ? !</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Though she would not come home, we began sending her money and that was a mistake.</em> </p><p></p><p>She convinced us the money was going to help the woman friend she suddenly began staying with (which turned out maybe not to be exactly true, either) to pay for things like the internet and laundry soap.</p><p></p><p>Though some of the money we were sending may have gone for those things, the majority went for drugs and alcohol, I have since learned.</p><p></p><p>Next time, we will know better and not feel so stupidly helpless. It was the strangest thing. I knew my daughter was choosing to live as she was living. Yet, I felt guilty, felt crazy, felt depressed and angry and whew! I even felt guilty about having a decent meal. I came to hate the city where she was homeless. </p><p></p><p>I mean, really hate it.</p><p></p><p>When we would go looking for our daughter, I would want to ask those toughies hanging out around the corners what their mothers thought about what they were doing.</p><p></p><p>Guilty, ashamed, I watched reports on the local news about the growing homeless population.</p><p></p><p>It was horrifying, unbelievable.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter told us there is a rhythm to life on the streets. They meet in the morning to check on one another, they drift to the churches for coffee and to the other free sites for dinner. They have their own places to sleep. They panhandle. In the city where our daughter was homeless, there is excellent medical care for the homeless, there is a place for them to get their mail, there are people to help them (again and again) get their IDs replaced. (Here is a funny thing: So, I got phone numbers for the organizations helping with mail and etc. I would call and say whatever. Our daughter was questioned about why her mom was calling!!!! Ha! It seems funny, now. At the time, it seemed normal enough. Ew.) Each group knows which other groups are dangerous to them. The police know who they are, harass them continually to keep moving, but seldom actually arrest anyone.</p><p></p><p>What I did do for her that I would probably do again is replace tooth brushes, tooth paste, sanitary wipes, alcohol gel, deodorant, gum to freshen breath, breath mints.</p><p></p><p>I know, right?</p><p></p><p>Homeless or not, they want to be reasonably clean.</p><p></p><p>Sleeping bag. Good, thick socks.</p><p></p><p>Boots for walking. The homeless need to walk and walk, and keep moving.</p><p></p><p>No money.</p><p></p><p>We were so foolish to send money!</p><p></p><p>Live and learn, I guess.</p><p></p><p>Even after our daughter finally did come home, she continued to go back to the streets. </p><p></p><p>Three years ago now, our daughter was a teacher, was engaged, had a truly beautiful home. Today, she is living with her ex-husband and the children they had together.</p><p></p><p>For now.</p><p></p><p>No one knows just what to make of any of this.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry this is happening to you and to your child. I agree though, with the moms who have written that the best thing you can do is to learn to accept it.</p><p></p><p>One of the reasons our daughter would not come home, one of the reasons she went homeless in the first place is because she was in relationship with a homeless man.</p><p></p><p>She called and asked to come home the day he was picked up and jailed for attempted vehicular homicide...of our daughter.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 630593, member: 17461"] My daughter was homeless for five months. Like most homeless people do, she had the option of shelter living and refused it. She had the option of living with family, but refused that, too. When we came back into her area, she still refused to come in. Unless we took the homeless man she was living with in, too[I]. ! ? ! Though she would not come home, we began sending her money and that was a mistake.[/I] She convinced us the money was going to help the woman friend she suddenly began staying with (which turned out maybe not to be exactly true, either) to pay for things like the internet and laundry soap. Though some of the money we were sending may have gone for those things, the majority went for drugs and alcohol, I have since learned. Next time, we will know better and not feel so stupidly helpless. It was the strangest thing. I knew my daughter was choosing to live as she was living. Yet, I felt guilty, felt crazy, felt depressed and angry and whew! I even felt guilty about having a decent meal. I came to hate the city where she was homeless. I mean, really hate it. When we would go looking for our daughter, I would want to ask those toughies hanging out around the corners what their mothers thought about what they were doing. Guilty, ashamed, I watched reports on the local news about the growing homeless population. It was horrifying, unbelievable. Our daughter told us there is a rhythm to life on the streets. They meet in the morning to check on one another, they drift to the churches for coffee and to the other free sites for dinner. They have their own places to sleep. They panhandle. In the city where our daughter was homeless, there is excellent medical care for the homeless, there is a place for them to get their mail, there are people to help them (again and again) get their IDs replaced. (Here is a funny thing: So, I got phone numbers for the organizations helping with mail and etc. I would call and say whatever. Our daughter was questioned about why her mom was calling!!!! Ha! It seems funny, now. At the time, it seemed normal enough. Ew.) Each group knows which other groups are dangerous to them. The police know who they are, harass them continually to keep moving, but seldom actually arrest anyone. What I did do for her that I would probably do again is replace tooth brushes, tooth paste, sanitary wipes, alcohol gel, deodorant, gum to freshen breath, breath mints. I know, right? Homeless or not, they want to be reasonably clean. Sleeping bag. Good, thick socks. Boots for walking. The homeless need to walk and walk, and keep moving. No money. We were so foolish to send money! Live and learn, I guess. Even after our daughter finally did come home, she continued to go back to the streets. Three years ago now, our daughter was a teacher, was engaged, had a truly beautiful home. Today, she is living with her ex-husband and the children they had together. For now. No one knows just what to make of any of this. I'm sorry this is happening to you and to your child. I agree though, with the moms who have written that the best thing you can do is to learn to accept it. One of the reasons our daughter would not come home, one of the reasons she went homeless in the first place is because she was in relationship with a homeless man. She called and asked to come home the day he was picked up and jailed for attempted vehicular homicide...of our daughter. ? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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