BusynMember
Well-Known Member
This is for my son, who does have a son with his ex. I really don't know if I gave him good advice or not. He is very high stress, but is doing a good job of acting like the calm and rationial one in this. His ex can call or text him twenty times a day, even during work, and ignores it when he tells her he can't answer her at work. She is also very combative and tries to control him even though she is with another man already. She also tries to get her son to think of the man as a father too. Grandson is signed up for basketball. He doesn't like basketball or any sports and usually just hangs back, not participating, but his mother wanted him to go and my son reluctantly agreed to take him when he had his son. Ex and her new honey will also be there of course, which makes it very uncomfortable for my son. He is truly beside himself. He wants to move on and not see or talk to her unless it is something important about his child. At the same time, he doesn't want to get her angry (which isn't hard) and make things worse.
I have told him to ignore her calls and texts except for once a day when she wants to talk to her son (during the time my son has his child). Then I told him to give the phone to his son without talking to her. He has agreed to never text her back or answer his phone after she has called to talk to their child. Is there more he can do short of going to court and blowing it all apart? He would like to go for custody, but it is too soon. He needs to show that he is the primary parent and that will take time. Plus he'd have to take out a loan to do it.
I'm fresh out of ideas. I listen to him, but unlike all of my other children, he wants my feedback and suggestions. It tires me out to talk to him about this all the time too. I guess I'm going to have to stop answering MY phone all the time too. I mean, I like to be there for my grown kids, especially when they are being nice and really need me, but I don't know what to add to what I've already told him and I do have a life beyond his divorce...plus three other kids and a husband.
Still...I have that motherly guilt to be there..He is very shy and moved way out of town and has nobody else where he lives now and his father is useless. Of all my kids, I feel he is the neediest. I even think Sonic, the autistic son, is not as needy as him because at least Sonic has community support and is a happy person and has no mental health issues.
I have tickets to visit him the day after Christmas and feel guilty that it doesn't feel me with joy. I know it's going to be nonstop gloom. I do want to see grandbaby, but he's a difficult child and that will make it difficult too. I feel even worse when I think about how happy and excited I get when we all climb into the truck to visit my daughter in Illinois. We always have so much fun with her.
Sportsfan never goes to Illinois to be with us. He is phobic about driving far. I knew it would end up disasterous for him to move that far from everyone, but telling him that would not have stopped him...he was married at the time. And although I knew his ex would leave him one day, he didn't think she would. I usually keep my mouth shut when my grown kids make decisions anyway.
I have told him to ignore her calls and texts except for once a day when she wants to talk to her son (during the time my son has his child). Then I told him to give the phone to his son without talking to her. He has agreed to never text her back or answer his phone after she has called to talk to their child. Is there more he can do short of going to court and blowing it all apart? He would like to go for custody, but it is too soon. He needs to show that he is the primary parent and that will take time. Plus he'd have to take out a loan to do it.
I'm fresh out of ideas. I listen to him, but unlike all of my other children, he wants my feedback and suggestions. It tires me out to talk to him about this all the time too. I guess I'm going to have to stop answering MY phone all the time too. I mean, I like to be there for my grown kids, especially when they are being nice and really need me, but I don't know what to add to what I've already told him and I do have a life beyond his divorce...plus three other kids and a husband.
Still...I have that motherly guilt to be there..He is very shy and moved way out of town and has nobody else where he lives now and his father is useless. Of all my kids, I feel he is the neediest. I even think Sonic, the autistic son, is not as needy as him because at least Sonic has community support and is a happy person and has no mental health issues.
I have tickets to visit him the day after Christmas and feel guilty that it doesn't feel me with joy. I know it's going to be nonstop gloom. I do want to see grandbaby, but he's a difficult child and that will make it difficult too. I feel even worse when I think about how happy and excited I get when we all climb into the truck to visit my daughter in Illinois. We always have so much fun with her.
Sportsfan never goes to Illinois to be with us. He is phobic about driving far. I knew it would end up disasterous for him to move that far from everyone, but telling him that would not have stopped him...he was married at the time. And although I knew his ex would leave him one day, he didn't think she would. I usually keep my mouth shut when my grown kids make decisions anyway.
