Okay this is going to be a long story with a short message.
I was raised in CT, so I consider myself part Yankee. Years ago when I was about 20, this guy started working for the company I worked for and he was also from up north. He would always say anytime you want to really know how to erk someone, ask a Yankee. When driving in the car with him to lunch, if he accidently cut someone off and they honked at him, he'd just wave at them in the mirror and smile. He would say it actually bothers them more if you don't react, then when you do.
Onto my husband's ex. When going through our 2 years of court battles, she would do anything and I mean anything to get a reaction out of me. One night she called and I answered (this was before installing call waiting caller ID) and she told me that she was going to be removing her old car and old motor home from husband's parents lot. The car was now enveloped with grass/weeds and not running and the motor home/trailer had been attached to DHs sisters house for years now. So if she removed it, my sister in law would have a gaping hole in her house. My response was, "Okay, have fun." She of course proceeded to cuss me out as I was hanging up the phone.
All of the times I did accidently answer the phone to her, I discovered I made her more mad by acting like I didn't care. If I knew it was her calling, I just ignored the call. If she reached one of my difficult children and sounded inappropriate from my end, I'd take the phone away from them and hang up on her. Of course with yours, you can't do that. But maybe when he's on the phone, just leave the room and let his dear old dad say as he wishes.
I don't necessarily believe in karma, but I do believe in how it works. If that makes sense. I do believe if you are good to people, they will in turn want to be good to you and you will get good in return. If you are bad to people, you will get bad back.
I would say with the child support, go ahead and get the ball rolling with the attorney general. It takes forever, so your attorney that you've already paid may get results first. If not, then at least the other ball is rolling. If this attorney requires more $, I'd say let it go with him. Because I definately agree that all the court stuff conjers (sp?) up bad feelings and past feelings. I don't think I could do it all again if she had appealed. I've only cried that hard 3 times in my life. The day I realised it was over between me and my first husband, the day I lost my best friend and the day we left the court room after the judge ended it all by telling biomom she was a bad mom.
I hope you find peace in this soon. If you need to get out, let me know. I'm always up for an outting as long as my back isn't bothering me.
So, all that story to say, if you don't react to him on the phone or in person, or in front of difficult child, it will eat him up. He wants to erk you, because you're erking him. Do your best to not let it show, it will eat him up. Him going nuts over it will be better than any hell you can put him through.