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how do you deal with persistent anger?
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<blockquote data-quote="Stella Johnson" data-source="post: 65570" data-attributes="member: 9"><p>I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It is easier said than done but you have to let go of the hate. Hatred holds you back from getting on with your life and making it better. </p><p></p><p>When my ex and I were divorced I hated him with everything in me. Honestly he is the only person in this world that I could have killed and not cared. I wished nothing but harm on him. </p><p></p><p>I finally decided that after about 2 years I was going to concentrate on making our lives better. I concentrated on getting a better job, getting difficult child help, and straightening out the mess that was our life. </p><p></p><p>The hatred for him kept me from getting anywhere. I hated him for bankrupting me. I hated him for what he did to me and to difficult child. I hated him for doing drugs. I wished nothing but harm to him. </p><p></p><p>I don't wish him well now. :future: But I don't hate him either. I also wouldn't pee on him if he was fire on the side of the road. :angel: I am indifferent. I like watching his screwed up life sometimes now. He had it all when he was with me. Now he has a trashy wife who never showers, doesn't clean house, works at Taco Bell. He lives in a trailer in Oklahoma. I'm glad he isn't in Texas any longer. </p><p></p><p>It is a bit easier for me not to hate him because my difficult child already sees what he really is. She is indifferent. She likes for him to bring her presents but could care less if he shows up or not. Doesn't care to call and talk to him when she's happy or excited about something. Instead she calls her grandparents. (his parents) </p><p></p><p>I know what it is like to raise a child totally alone. I know what it's like to be flat broke. difficult child and I lived in a one bedroom apartment for 3 years after the divorce. I couldn't afford anything else. I had to sell our home to pay attorney's fees. :hammer:</p><p></p><p>Bottom line, don't pursue the back child support. It only makes you bitter. The money you sink into lawyers will never be recovered. Use the money to take a vacation with difficult child or pay off some bills. </p><p></p><p>Even if they put him in jail for back cs, will anyone get him out and pay you? Probably not. At least not in my case. Court battles only dig up the previous hate that you had from years ago. It stirs up emotions that are better left alone. </p><p></p><p>He will pay but probably not monetarily. He probably already is paying. Look at his life. He'll never have anything the way he lives. Deep down he probably knows what a true piece of pond scum that he is. </p><p></p><p>I hope someday that you and your difficult child can find peace with your ex. I know it is tough. Even tougher for a difficult child who is not emotionally mature. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p><p></p><p>Steph</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stella Johnson, post: 65570, member: 9"] I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It is easier said than done but you have to let go of the hate. Hatred holds you back from getting on with your life and making it better. When my ex and I were divorced I hated him with everything in me. Honestly he is the only person in this world that I could have killed and not cared. I wished nothing but harm on him. I finally decided that after about 2 years I was going to concentrate on making our lives better. I concentrated on getting a better job, getting difficult child help, and straightening out the mess that was our life. The hatred for him kept me from getting anywhere. I hated him for bankrupting me. I hated him for what he did to me and to difficult child. I hated him for doing drugs. I wished nothing but harm to him. I don't wish him well now. [img]:future:[/img] But I don't hate him either. I also wouldn't pee on him if he was fire on the side of the road. [img]:angel:[/img] I am indifferent. I like watching his screwed up life sometimes now. He had it all when he was with me. Now he has a trashy wife who never showers, doesn't clean house, works at Taco Bell. He lives in a trailer in Oklahoma. I'm glad he isn't in Texas any longer. It is a bit easier for me not to hate him because my difficult child already sees what he really is. She is indifferent. She likes for him to bring her presents but could care less if he shows up or not. Doesn't care to call and talk to him when she's happy or excited about something. Instead she calls her grandparents. (his parents) I know what it is like to raise a child totally alone. I know what it's like to be flat broke. difficult child and I lived in a one bedroom apartment for 3 years after the divorce. I couldn't afford anything else. I had to sell our home to pay attorney's fees. [img]:hammer:[/img] Bottom line, don't pursue the back child support. It only makes you bitter. The money you sink into lawyers will never be recovered. Use the money to take a vacation with difficult child or pay off some bills. Even if they put him in jail for back cs, will anyone get him out and pay you? Probably not. At least not in my case. Court battles only dig up the previous hate that you had from years ago. It stirs up emotions that are better left alone. He will pay but probably not monetarily. He probably already is paying. Look at his life. He'll never have anything the way he lives. Deep down he probably knows what a true piece of pond scum that he is. I hope someday that you and your difficult child can find peace with your ex. I know it is tough. Even tougher for a difficult child who is not emotionally mature. (((hugs))) Steph [/QUOTE]
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