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How do you deal with the constant negativity?
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<blockquote data-quote="Adrift" data-source="post: 61218" data-attributes="member: 2158"><p>Thanks so much for all of your support and responses. Mstang...my son sounds so much like yours. I really don't think he "gets" it! I WISH so badly I could be the kind of parent that just says, sorry, the TV is turned off or to give that unequivocal ultimatum but I don't do it, partially because I just cannot, at this point, live through another meltdown and partially because it would unquestionably escalate the situation. I ended up just calmly getting up and leaving the room, he ended up having no one to talk to and it stopped. Right now our basket A's are therapy and safety, that's about it. Words, I put in basket B or even basket C but I did like those suggestions about bringing it up later. I think I need more courage. We have "learned" not to talk because he does not seem to respond to it OR it seems to make the situation worse. Additionally, if we were to ask him how he felt when he was called names, I'm pretty sure he'd say that he's never been called names or he doesn't care. He is almost 100% unable to identify feelings.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I are both people who abhor conflict of any kind so sometimes it seems like we are in the wrong roles. We are not confident parents because, while we have had a lot of experience with children, we are not doing very well with our son. Sadly, people outside the home seem to have more luck. My husband and I see the therapist again tomorrow and we will definitley bring all this up. We are so afraid of the meltdowns, especially now that they involve safety. It's trying to be brave, trying to do things differently, trying to help him when talking does not seem to work in almost any situation!</p><p></p><p>He does seem to have strong issues with body image. He is a beautiful child but I think years of encopresis have done him in in that department. His easy child brother is also a bit overweight and that drives him crazy. He's so cruel to his brother about his weight. Those of you who would "nip it in the bud" with ultimatums, is it worth broken furniture, raging and a possible trip to the ER? Maybe that's what we should be doing...it's just so hard to know. Thanks again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Adrift, post: 61218, member: 2158"] Thanks so much for all of your support and responses. Mstang...my son sounds so much like yours. I really don't think he "gets" it! I WISH so badly I could be the kind of parent that just says, sorry, the TV is turned off or to give that unequivocal ultimatum but I don't do it, partially because I just cannot, at this point, live through another meltdown and partially because it would unquestionably escalate the situation. I ended up just calmly getting up and leaving the room, he ended up having no one to talk to and it stopped. Right now our basket A's are therapy and safety, that's about it. Words, I put in basket B or even basket C but I did like those suggestions about bringing it up later. I think I need more courage. We have "learned" not to talk because he does not seem to respond to it OR it seems to make the situation worse. Additionally, if we were to ask him how he felt when he was called names, I'm pretty sure he'd say that he's never been called names or he doesn't care. He is almost 100% unable to identify feelings. My husband and I are both people who abhor conflict of any kind so sometimes it seems like we are in the wrong roles. We are not confident parents because, while we have had a lot of experience with children, we are not doing very well with our son. Sadly, people outside the home seem to have more luck. My husband and I see the therapist again tomorrow and we will definitley bring all this up. We are so afraid of the meltdowns, especially now that they involve safety. It's trying to be brave, trying to do things differently, trying to help him when talking does not seem to work in almost any situation! He does seem to have strong issues with body image. He is a beautiful child but I think years of encopresis have done him in in that department. His easy child brother is also a bit overweight and that drives him crazy. He's so cruel to his brother about his weight. Those of you who would "nip it in the bud" with ultimatums, is it worth broken furniture, raging and a possible trip to the ER? Maybe that's what we should be doing...it's just so hard to know. Thanks again. [/QUOTE]
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How do you deal with the constant negativity?
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