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General Parenting
How do you get your feelings back?
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 669695" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>Hi ksm</p><p></p><p>I have an 11 year old step-daughter. Her bio-mother is an alcoholic, with Borderline (BPD) and various serious mental health issues. She has been out of the picture since step-daughter was 3 months old. Currently living in supported housing accommodation for drug addicts/ alcoholics. No contact.</p><p></p><p>I have been step-daughter's 'mum' since she was 1 year old. We have always done everything we can to provide a happy loving home for her. She knows about her bio-mum, but obviously has no memory of her and the courts have prohibited any contact as it has been ruled that this would cause step-daughter serious emotional harm.</p><p></p><p>I read some of step-daughter's school writing recently. It said this:</p><p></p><p>"If I could change one thing about my family then I would live with my birth-mother. I am happy with my family as it is though, because I love everyone a lot, especially my cat."</p><p></p><p>My only point is that, however much we love and provide for our non-biological children, we can never know what is really going on in their heads about their families of origin.</p><p></p><p>H and I were shocked to read what step-daughter had written, but really we've been in denial. It's a huge thing for any child. How can it not be in their heads? How can it not have any effect? I just wondered how much of your daughter's behaviour and how much of your feelings are about this, not about whether or not she has put the clothes in the washer.</p><p></p><p>I'm really sorry if I'm way off the mark. I'm just trying to deal with my own situation and do the best I can to avoid future problems, but I think maybe that future problems are to be expected and would be 'normal' if they do happen, given the circumstances.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 669695, member: 17650"] Hi ksm I have an 11 year old step-daughter. Her bio-mother is an alcoholic, with Borderline (BPD) and various serious mental health issues. She has been out of the picture since step-daughter was 3 months old. Currently living in supported housing accommodation for drug addicts/ alcoholics. No contact. I have been step-daughter's 'mum' since she was 1 year old. We have always done everything we can to provide a happy loving home for her. She knows about her bio-mum, but obviously has no memory of her and the courts have prohibited any contact as it has been ruled that this would cause step-daughter serious emotional harm. I read some of step-daughter's school writing recently. It said this: "If I could change one thing about my family then I would live with my birth-mother. I am happy with my family as it is though, because I love everyone a lot, especially my cat." My only point is that, however much we love and provide for our non-biological children, we can never know what is really going on in their heads about their families of origin. H and I were shocked to read what step-daughter had written, but really we've been in denial. It's a huge thing for any child. How can it not be in their heads? How can it not have any effect? I just wondered how much of your daughter's behaviour and how much of your feelings are about this, not about whether or not she has put the clothes in the washer. I'm really sorry if I'm way off the mark. I'm just trying to deal with my own situation and do the best I can to avoid future problems, but I think maybe that future problems are to be expected and would be 'normal' if they do happen, given the circumstances. [/QUOTE]
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