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General Parenting
How do you guys develop thick skins??
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 23905" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>I also am used to difficult children, especially difficult child 2, calling me every four letter word he can think of, screaming them over and over again... His favorite is f*ckin' B*tch!!! According to my difficult children, nothing is ever their fault. They always blame someone else. That someone else is usually me.</p><p></p><p>I've had to learn the hard way. I used to yell at them, dish out consequence after consequence with no positive results. In fact, the way I handled things only made matters worse.</p><p></p><p>I've learned through talking to others, as well as to difficult children therapist, that staying calm, unemotional, and unfazed is the only way to obtain any positive results at home.</p><p></p><p>In my house, my difficult children have a written list of simple rules they need to follow. Basically, these are just common curtesy type of things - Sort of like the golden rule. If they break these rules, they know in advance what the consequences will be.</p><p></p><p>I ignore them totally while they are in the midst of a tantrum or rage unless I feel they're getting too violent. I NEVER try to talk or reason with them when they are being totally irrational.</p><p></p><p>When they are finished raging/tantruming, I give them the consequences for their negative behavior. They already know what the consequences will be. This makes giving them the consequences easier.</p><p></p><p>In order to remain calm as I'm listening to yet another round of YOU F*CKIN' B*TCH, I have to get in my morning workouts. I find that lots of exercise helps me the most.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, lots of times I feel resentment towards my difficult children. I am always being verbally abused by them. It definitely makes it harder for me to want to spend any quality time with them.</p><p></p><p>I think I daydream alot about life without them living in my house anymore... I know they need to live somewhere else when they're adults. For me, this is the only option. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!</p><p></p><p>I know that I just can't throw them out after high school and this scares me!!! This is why I'm so excited that difficult child 2 can start an after school daily living skills program in September. I hope my daydream about difficult children not living with me as adults is not just a daydream!!! I think I would have lots less patience if I thought they were going to be sucking the life out of me forever...</p><p></p><p>This board also helps me. Even if I don't respond all the time, just reading others posts lets me know I'm not alone... If others can handle it, then so can I. We don't have any choice!!!</p><p></p><p>I make sure that I get "ME" time whenever I can. Sometimes, I'll just sip a cup of tea and cuddle with my 80lb sanity saver - my dog!!! </p><p></p><p>If I'm really having a bad day with difficult children, I get an extra workout in. This is basically the only way sometimes that I can be around them without exploding.</p><p></p><p>And, when things are really BAD, I try to take out a photo album and remember them as babies, on vacations, etc... Sometimes I have to do this alot!!!</p><p></p><p>I think I've rambled on enough... This is an excellent post. I'm going to be following it... WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 23905, member: 3388"] I also am used to difficult children, especially difficult child 2, calling me every four letter word he can think of, screaming them over and over again... His favorite is f*ckin' B*tch!!! According to my difficult children, nothing is ever their fault. They always blame someone else. That someone else is usually me. I've had to learn the hard way. I used to yell at them, dish out consequence after consequence with no positive results. In fact, the way I handled things only made matters worse. I've learned through talking to others, as well as to difficult children therapist, that staying calm, unemotional, and unfazed is the only way to obtain any positive results at home. In my house, my difficult children have a written list of simple rules they need to follow. Basically, these are just common curtesy type of things - Sort of like the golden rule. If they break these rules, they know in advance what the consequences will be. I ignore them totally while they are in the midst of a tantrum or rage unless I feel they're getting too violent. I NEVER try to talk or reason with them when they are being totally irrational. When they are finished raging/tantruming, I give them the consequences for their negative behavior. They already know what the consequences will be. This makes giving them the consequences easier. In order to remain calm as I'm listening to yet another round of YOU F*CKIN' B*TCH, I have to get in my morning workouts. I find that lots of exercise helps me the most. Unfortunately, lots of times I feel resentment towards my difficult children. I am always being verbally abused by them. It definitely makes it harder for me to want to spend any quality time with them. I think I daydream alot about life without them living in my house anymore... I know they need to live somewhere else when they're adults. For me, this is the only option. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! I know that I just can't throw them out after high school and this scares me!!! This is why I'm so excited that difficult child 2 can start an after school daily living skills program in September. I hope my daydream about difficult children not living with me as adults is not just a daydream!!! I think I would have lots less patience if I thought they were going to be sucking the life out of me forever... This board also helps me. Even if I don't respond all the time, just reading others posts lets me know I'm not alone... If others can handle it, then so can I. We don't have any choice!!! I make sure that I get "ME" time whenever I can. Sometimes, I'll just sip a cup of tea and cuddle with my 80lb sanity saver - my dog!!! If I'm really having a bad day with difficult children, I get an extra workout in. This is basically the only way sometimes that I can be around them without exploding. And, when things are really BAD, I try to take out a photo album and remember them as babies, on vacations, etc... Sometimes I have to do this alot!!! I think I've rambled on enough... This is an excellent post. I'm going to be following it... WFEN [/QUOTE]
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