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How do you help a homeless and suicidal son?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 738995" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hello Elsi, </p><p>I do not have much time this evening, but I want to welcome you to the forum. You have come to the right place. You will find a lot of wisdom and support and understanding here.</p><p></p><p>I could have written every word of that myself. While my son still exhibits much of that description, what helped to rescue my son was perhaps his stint in jail, after which he had to live in a sober house for the required period. His “<em>room</em>” at the sober house was (<em>still is</em>) just an open 6 ft high 3-sided cubicle with a sheet tacked up at the opening. Once he was off of the required curfew and allowed to live elsewhere, he could not afford another place so ended up staying there, more than 2 years until now. He does want to leave, and keeps talking about leaving, but he still cannot afford anywhere else. Where I live, there are some sober houses in residential neighborhoods, where a resident just has a room (or even a divided space) in the house, sharing all facilities. In some of them, you can voluntarily apply to live there, not just because you are court ordered to do so.</p><p></p><p>Since you mentioned C wants to get sober, do they have facilities in your area, such as a sober house that he might move into voluntarily to have a safe place to stay to allow him to get and keep a job and work at keeping sober? Also sometimes the community of others in the house can be a kind of support system and with some minimal rules to follow, there are some benefits in living together with others who are also finding their way, and with a house manager of sorts. Perhaps if you could fund a month or two to get him started in such a place, he could then take over paying the rent, take a bus or get a bicycle, etc. </p><p></p><p>I would encourage you not to have him move in with you. Especially since there is no access for jobs and transportation , it doesn’t sound like it would provide the environment and location for him to move forward, etc, - to say nothing of disrupting your peace, and would only serve to increase your anxiety. There were occasional months when my son could not make the rent at his house, and I had to pay it. It was to keep my own peace and sanity.</p><p></p><p>If you have not yet read the article on Detachment at the top of this forum, that is a good starting place. Here is the link to it. <a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p></p><p>You are not alone. Others will be along soon with insight, guidance, comfort, and understanding. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 738995, member: 19617"] Hello Elsi, I do not have much time this evening, but I want to welcome you to the forum. You have come to the right place. You will find a lot of wisdom and support and understanding here. I could have written every word of that myself. While my son still exhibits much of that description, what helped to rescue my son was perhaps his stint in jail, after which he had to live in a sober house for the required period. His “[I]room[/I]” at the sober house was ([I]still is[/I]) just an open 6 ft high 3-sided cubicle with a sheet tacked up at the opening. Once he was off of the required curfew and allowed to live elsewhere, he could not afford another place so ended up staying there, more than 2 years until now. He does want to leave, and keeps talking about leaving, but he still cannot afford anywhere else. Where I live, there are some sober houses in residential neighborhoods, where a resident just has a room (or even a divided space) in the house, sharing all facilities. In some of them, you can voluntarily apply to live there, not just because you are court ordered to do so. Since you mentioned C wants to get sober, do they have facilities in your area, such as a sober house that he might move into voluntarily to have a safe place to stay to allow him to get and keep a job and work at keeping sober? Also sometimes the community of others in the house can be a kind of support system and with some minimal rules to follow, there are some benefits in living together with others who are also finding their way, and with a house manager of sorts. Perhaps if you could fund a month or two to get him started in such a place, he could then take over paying the rent, take a bus or get a bicycle, etc. I would encourage you not to have him move in with you. Especially since there is no access for jobs and transportation , it doesn’t sound like it would provide the environment and location for him to move forward, etc, - to say nothing of disrupting your peace, and would only serve to increase your anxiety. There were occasional months when my son could not make the rent at his house, and I had to pay it. It was to keep my own peace and sanity. If you have not yet read the article on Detachment at the top of this forum, that is a good starting place. Here is the link to it. [URL]https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] You are not alone. Others will be along soon with insight, guidance, comfort, and understanding. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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