How do you keep feeling love after they cross the line?

[Malika]

We are all jumping to a lot of conclusions here, which is inevitable since we do not know the child concerned, or the context, and we all have a natural tendency to read our own situations in others'... I would really want to know more about what has led up to this incident with the cat and with the general aggression and hostility... The boy has a lot of diagnoses. I know that ODD lends itself to explosiveness, which often involves violence. Was he always difficult and disturbed in his behaviour or is it a more recent phenomenon? Is there an attachment problem? Would you say that you were securely bonded with him in the past, wethreepeeps, and that this has changed? Being adopted at age three and being adopted at a much later age would be a significant difference, for example.
As for cruelty to animals in children... Even this is complex and not straightforward, I feel. Until my parents divorced when I was 7, we lived next door to a family who seemed unhappy - the father was seen beating a dog with a rake and was authoritarian and unsympathetic with his children. I do not remember the mother but seem to recall there were problems in the marriage... I used to love birds and birdwatching and when I was six or so, I would go roaming the next door woods with the little boy of the family (a bit older than me - 8?) - in the days when children did go off by themselves and nobody worried. We used to look for birds and their nests and found a family of young thrushes that we used to go and see daily. One day my friend did not come with me and I went into the woods alone - there, to my shock, I found the thrush nest with all the baby bird's heads cut off as though with a pair of secateurs... I was obviously very distressed and went home to tell what I had seen. It emerged that it was my friend who had done it... I remember the father standing in the road screaming at him all the horrible ways he was going to be punished...
When I look back at this incident as an adult I do not think of my young friend as a future psychopath. He was clearly disturbed, in ways we had not realised... but he was expressing in a very graphic way the brutality and unhappiness that surrounded him... children do do this. It does not necessarily mean they are inherently violent or dangerous. They also may be those things - I am just saying that the picture is not so simple.
And of course I do not know what is going on with this boy... I do feel sadness for him, though, because he does not know how to love or be loved and he is in the midst of endangering his home life, for others and for himself. That does indeed seem to me worthy of compassion.

 

[BusynMember]

Malika, I felt like you did at one time. I deliberately (with my husband) adopted a young man, eleven years old, because his prospects were not good. He had strikes against him...he was a boy, already 11, and African-American. We loved him as our own and thought he was a good kid because he never acted out in front of us. We did not know the merry hell he put our kids through. Like you, I felt that just love and understanding will help him and give him a good life.

Unfortunately, there are children who are beyond help, dangerous children, who can not live with other children or pets. The child we adopted did not even know why he did what he did, but he continued to do stuff like that even after he left our house, in the facility he lived in that was monitored by camera 24/7. He also admitted, in therapy, that he had been doing it since he was at least five years old (sexually and physically abusing children and animals). He did not feel bad about it and did not have a clue as to why. He was not able to live in a family. He could not be safe.

Malika, you have ONE child. You don't have to protect other children and, I assume, pets. You are not dealing with an older child who has gotten a TON of help and who has siblings he can destroy.

Regardless of WHY the child does what he does, HE DOES IT! That makes him unsafe. Just because we think we know why a child does what he does doesn't mean we can change it. I will guess that this parent has done everything in her power to help her son and nothing has worked. This happens, unfortunately.

For all you know, the child you described did end up a psychopath. A horrible beginning is hard to overcome. Three years in foster care/abusive situations IS a long time. Kids can develop serious problems if they are not nurtured in infancy. Some can overcome them and some can't. Sounds like this parent has done everything she could possibly do. What else COULD she do?

 

[timer lady]

wethreepeeps, you're not the first parent here who's trembled at the thought of your difficult child coming home. Unfortunately, there's no such thing as long term hospitalization (& very few affordable RTCs) to truly help our children stabilize & then navigate the socially accepted norms.

Having said that, many years back my husband & I refused to pick up our difficult child wm from this psychiatric hospital because he was a true danger in our home. Of course, we were threatened with child abandonment & all things connected with that. husband & I accepted that & didn't pick wm up. It took 6 weeks to find wm a placement in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ~ he stayed the entire time in the hospital. We were never charged. The powers that be actually saw while wm was in the hospital for so long just how unstable he was (still is).

After that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stay wm was placed in a therapeutic foster home & hasn't lived here for going on 5 years now. There is no current plan for reunification due to wm's unstable & uncontrolled behaviors, his threats toward his twin sister, his twin sister's ongoing issues from the birth home, etc, etc, etc. We are a family of different addresses.

Please find someone who will advocate for you & your family. I'm fortunate in that I have a strong team of mental health care providers for the tweedles; I fought hard to find that team & train them. I fight weekly to keep the team on track & to remind them this is a family situation, not just tweedle dee or tweedle dum.

I haven't a clue what LA has in place for children with mental health care needs; no clue as to your fiscal resources to find help for your difficult child. However, states don't like to hear publicity that there are no safety nets for families ~ children who have various mental/developmental disorders. This isn't the normal parenting as you know.

What are you able, today, to handle. Are you taking this time while your difficult child is in the hospital to recharge? Are you removing any & all items that may prove to be a threat to the family if your difficult child loses control once again? Before difficult child is discharged demand a crisis plan; make it plain to difficult child if A happens then B will happen. Let your difficult child know your line in the sand, whatever that may be. For wm, it was physical aggression toward any person/animal in the house.

Finally I'm sending you healing thoughts as you're gong through this ~ you're walking a tight rope.

 

[Peace Please]

I completely agree with most of the posters who have responded here. You are by no means the worst parent in the world. You obviously love the child enough to feel guilty about your thoughts and feelings. I am new to being a difficult child parent-figure and to this board, but I have felt exactly the same way. Violence in your own home is very difficult to handle, and should be dealt with. You, your daughter, and your pets deserve to have a safe home to live in. Living in fear is no fun. My DF and I are going through a similar thing right now. Our difficult child was on spring break last week, and home with me for two days out of last week. We have a cat too. Two times on Thursday, when I was in the bathroom and not watching, I heard our cat screech like someone stepped on him. Well, when I went into the bathroom both times, LittlePeace was sitting on the floor in his room. I was in the bathroom for thirty seconds, and he was still sitting there when I came out. This cat is one of the most calm, laid back kitties I have ever had, and doesn't screech for no reason. I asked Little what had happened, and he said "nothing". I asked him, "Why did the kitty screech?" He said "I don't know". For the rest of that day, the kitty hid behind the couch and wouldn't come out for anyone. Yesterday, about five minutes after Little came home from his cousin's house, my DF and I heard that screech again, and the kitty ran from Little's room. Little came out with HUGE scratches on his arms, whining that the kitty had "just attacked him". Now, this kitty doesn't "just attack". My DF treated the scratches and told Little to leave the kitty alone. The looks he was giving the cat after that scared me. We are currently trying to find a temporary home for the kitty until we can find an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for Little. This behavior toward animals is new, we think, but how can we be sure? This is the first pet he's had living in the same home with him. We didn't witness any cruelty, but there is no question in our minds what is going on.

 

[Malika]

MWM, I really do take the points you make. If you have to think of the safety of another child or of animals, that is indeed a real and pressing consideration. Regardless of why a child is dangerous, he/she is still (for the moment) dangerous. I do not have a "position" on this, exactly, and even if I did it would not change the reality of the people having to deal with this situation.
It is just that... and I am sure most people here would agree... violence in a child is something that does need to be contained with some measure of understanding and maturity. Not just "punished". I am sure that there are situations in which a child who is violent can be helped to deal with his/her emotions in ways that are not destructive. I do not imagine that it would be easy to turn such a child around.
And I also hear, and accept, that there are situations in which, sadly, that cannot happen. I feel that an adopted child whose adoptive parents give up on him because of his disruptive and destructive behaviour is going in all probability to become even more disruptive and destructive. It may also be that, as many people here feel, there can be no other solution than to send the child away.
Everyone in this dynamic is suffering and I do not have any easy answers.

 

[BusynMember]

Malika, I have no doubt that the child we didn't keep in our house is either no better or no worse. He could not get any worse. He did get intensive therapy after he left us but they have to let him go at eighteen.

Had husband and I kept in touch with this child, I don't think Sonic or Jumper would have EVER either gotten over it or forgiven us. We had to save the ones we could. We were given false information about the child that we adopted, mostly because he was so good at hiding how disturbed he was. We have never been sorry about our decision and, frankly, we were not pressured to keep parenting him. I often advise prospective adoptive parents to adopt an infant. Our infant adoptions have gone GREAT. But it is so hard to make up for their early years when they lacked care and often you can't do it. And, yes, they can get worse, whether or not you keep them at home with you. We have a calm, peaceful house now...I still feel guilty that we did not know the degree of damage that R. caused to the other children. Only God Himself could have made my two youngest children so wonderful and resilient.

It is not easy. You are a very kindhearted person, Malika. I think your son is a lucky boy.

 

[wethreepeeps]

I feel very sad for my son. Heartbroken. I know that if he had a choice, he would not choose to act this way. But I think that he is in no way guided by any internal morals or principles, no driving concept of right and wrong. He acts purely based on his own benefit, feelings and urges. Something in his brain is broken. That's not his fault. I think that in a perfect world, what he needs is a home on a big plot of land where he can burn off energy to his heart's content, and a parent or caregiver who can lead an active lifestyle with him, keeping him engaged for most of his waking hours. Not a single parent whose time is dominated by the immediate medical needs of another child.

 

[susiestar]

3peeps, give your daughters grave and fragile condition, and the years that you have struggled to help your son and contain/limit/eliminate his violence, I really think you are at or very close to the point that TimerLady was at when she and her husband refused to pick their son up from the hospital. It is NOT easy and will take an enormous amount of strength on your part. The regularly recurring violence at school and at home (I know you have posted about this before and have struggled to help difficult child for a very long time with little help and fewer results) is at the point where it seems to be a very serious threat to your daughter.

WHile it IS possible to let your daughter go live with relatives, it likely is not the best thing for her. Once you have more than 1 child in the home the best interests of each child must be weighed. IF your son had shown any progress in the years you have been fighting to help him heal and learn not to hurt others, I would probably suggest that you continue with therapy, medications and the things that have helped so far. Sadly, it really sounds like your son is becoming more violent and NOT learning how to handle his anger/rage or how to not hurt others. Do you know if he is actually angry when he is hurting someone or an animal, or if it is more a way to alleviate boredome or to get an adrenaline rush?? Regardless, youmust put the physical safety of both your daughter and yourself at the highest priority level.

It truly does not sound as if your son is CAPABLE of not being violent to others at this time. So refusing to bring him home even if they charge you with abandonment may be the only way to get more help for him AND to make sure that your very fragile and vulnerable daughter is safe. I looked up her condition and the thought of how her body must react to even minor injuries, and the fact that your son must be at least somewhat aware of this makes me even more afraid for her safety.

It is really easy for us to become so focused on helping our difficult children learn better ways to behave and cope that we can brush some of the needs of our other children aside because those needs are not as urgent or as serious/huge. In your case I do NOT think that it is possible. The fragility of your daughter and the serious nature of her illness means that her needs MUST be a major priority. After all, she is very likely to have a much shorter lifespan and a LOT more pain and problems from the medical issues than she can overcome or even just handle with-o a major amount of your attention and focus to help her have the best, fullest life possible. Your difficult child has such serious problems, and the likelihood that he will hurt your daughter and cause her body's reaction to that injury could be life threatening at worst and incredibly painful at best.

So you need to work on finding a way to be at least a family of different addresses, the way TimerLady needed to arrange. I wish you lived in the same state as TimerLady as her state really seems to handle severely violent difficult children better than any other state I can think of.

One option that you may not have taken or thought of is to call child protection and report that difficult child is abusing his sister in ways that can be life threatening or at least very severe. I am quite sure that his violence is not limited to those outside your home or to pets. You may not be aware of it because your daughter may hide it from you due to threats from him, but it is highly probable that he has hurt her also. If this is reported to child protection, they will have to do a report. If your pediatrician or one of the specialists who treats your daughter can report it (if you or your daughter tell them about it then they MSUT report it) it will put even more weight on the report and pressure on CPS to do something.

Wiz was very violent to Jessica. After we learned about the extreme violence to her, we were blessed enough to find a psychiatric hospital that took him for months. As soon as we knew he was there, we took Jess to the pediatrician to get the referrals to psychiatrists, etc.... We asked the doctor to report it, though she would have anyway. By doing this we had her voice telling CPS that we were doing everything humanly possible to stop it and to keep it from happening again. The investigation was still not fun, but it went a LONG way to keeping the state from finding that we neglected our daughter's safety. Even 2 years later when we had to go to court with Wiz because he was violent against me, the head of CPS still remembered us and told the judge that we had literally tried all we could think of to keep everyone safe and we needed the court to intervene. (the court didn't because they pushed it away until my parents stepped in, but the judge could have ordered us to take Wiz home and to turn Jess and thank you over to the state but CPS stopped that because they said it would traumatize the children we worked so hard to keep safe).

So reporting that difficult child is abusing children to CPS may be a way to get more help. In fact, how much influence does the SPCA/Humane Society have in your area. A report of cruelty to animals MIGHT get them to help you push the court/CPS/whomever to help because your son is abusing animals. It is probably a long shot, but maybe it might help.

I know that you love both of your children (even when you cannot STAND difficult child's behavior) and that this is incredibly hard for you. My ideas/experiences may not help, but you have my total support for whatever you do. Hopefully if your son can be placed somewhere that he cannot hurt anyone else and he can learn how to not hurt others no matter how he is feeling.

 

[wethreepeeps]

Susie, thank you so much for your post. I do appreciate the understanding. My daughter most likely has less than 10 years to live, so the very thought of having her live away from me is devastating. The thought that she's afraid enough of him that she *wants* to is chilling.

difficult child is violent for many reasons. When he's angry, when he's frustrated. To upset me intentionally when he does not get his way. He says all the kids at school "bother" him. It started out that he was being bullied. Not physically, but he *was* being teased, for talking to himself and rocking in his chair all the time. So he started hitting. But he seemed to get some kind of rush from it, because now *he* is the bully, and hits children who did nothing to him, just happen to be near him. He's also become horribly verbally cruel to younger female children. The past few months, they're all "b*tches". I'm talking little girls, 6-10 years old. And the kids who bullied him were boys his own age. So I have no idea where the aggression to these little girls is coming from. All questions are met with "I don't know" or "They bother me". He reports that he's angry or annoyed "almost all the time" and the only thing that makes him feel better is playing video games. But I took the video games away months ago because when he has access to them, he absolutely refuses to do school work. I can't use them as a reward for after the work is done, because he gets so angry that the homework takes too long and keeps him from the playstation that he ends up raging, and the homework doesn't get done anyway. He knows he's being promoted to the 5th grade in the fall even if he fails, because he'll be 13 October 1st, and they don't want a teenager in elementary school. But because of this, he couldn't care less about trying to learn the stuff he didn't learn *last* year on his first pass through the 4th grade.

I placed several phone calls today to gather information, and hope to start getting some return calls tomorrow from all the voicemails I left.

 

[wethreepeeps]

Also, I wanted to say that I know difficult child has never actually struck or injured daughter. threatened her numerous times, thrown objects that *nearly* hit her, but he is never, ever alone with her. We have a very small apartment, two bedrooms, and my bed is in the dining nook right off the living room. He would have to go past me to get to her. My computer desk is right next to her bedroom door, so there is really no way for him to sneak past me to get to her. Also, it's only about 700 sq ft, so if someone else sneezes, we all hear it. While she is physically disabled, she has a very outspoken and strong personality, and she's homebound, so she's home with me all day while he's at school. If he had done something to her, she would definitely tell me. Our safety plan during his rages is that she shuts her bedroom door and parks her 250lb electric wheelchair in front of the door, so he couldn't possible get in. the love seat is also near her door, so if needed to, I could easily shove the love seat in front of her door and at least slow him down until I could restrain him.

 

[Marguerite]

If he had done something to her, she would definitely tell me.

You would hope so but you can never be certain. having said that, I do understand your degree of physical supervision of her. The thing is, simply being around him being aggressive and observing his outbursts would be something for a girl like her to be afraid of. The risk of physical damage even by accident (from him throwing something, for example) is probably greater in her mind. She shouldn't need a safety plan. Simply having one is enough to heighten her anxiety, and she knows how torn you are by all this, probably already feels like she's an unnecessary burden to you.

Marg

 

[Jody]

I have a 12 year old daughter who has ODD, Bipolar and ADHD. She is in foster care right now because I took her to the police station and did a lock-out do to her violent behavior. I was charged with abandonment and I do not regret doing it. DCFS is really doing a good job with her and have provided many services that I could not afford. SHe has been in care since July of last year. I go to court on Thursday. They are hoping that she can return to my home before the next school year. It is all up to her. I have her every weekend when she behaves, if she doesn;t she goes back home to the foster parents house. One weekend she went home twice, this weekend we had so much fun together and she was a real joy to be around, so much that I went and got her last night too. DCFS knows a good parent when they meet one, and I have always been a good parent, just didn't have the strenght when I got sick to parent a child with so many issues. Now that I am doing better, it is so much better. I had to have time to take care of myself. I also have a 18 year old daughter who is in college in Indiana. She is a easy child all the way but she had to go live with friends for the year and 1/2 prior to difficult child being put in foster care. We are very close, and have a great relationship, I just didn't want her to go thru all of the drama with her sister. It worked out for the best and while I missed some days with easy child, we had many more good days, and she was saved from the bad days. I can go get my daughter any time that I like. I do not need permission, this is because they know that I was not the issue and would never do anything to difficult child, they have been mostly worried about her hurting me. She is doing better. We do have counseling 3x's a week, she has her, I have mine and we have a session together. As far as the abandonment goes, the only problem that I have with that is that I won't be able to work in a daycare for 5 years, or teach elementary school, things like that. Guess what? After raising difficult child, I don't ever want to work with kids, those with disorders or not. You have to find out what your state laws say, but even then they will make it sound terrible so that you don't do it. With me they were encouraging me too. They really wanted to help my family and I have to say it has been a good thing for us. She is learning that she doesn't control things in my house. I am the adult and I make the decisions without any influence or pressure from her and that I mean what I say, also that I have options, I am not stuck with her crappy, abusive behavior. I have since learned how to get up in the morning and be glad that I woke up. I started to remember things that I never even had time to think about. The stress was leaving, and I have started to learn that life isn't supposed to be that way. Hang in there, I am praying for you and whatever your decision is.

 

[AnnieO]

Your daughter's safety is your #1 priority.

I am going to say this - I love both my kids. I gave birth to neither. And I have no legal claim on them. But I love them both.

I do NOT LIKE Onyxx at all. She is not someone I would choose to spend time with. She used to be.

Fact of the matter is - if he was trying to kill ANY LIVING BEING - this is horrible. I (personally) would feel horribly guilty - what did I do wrong? - but know logically it was NOT my fault.

I don't know all the details. I do know that your daughter probably isn't telling you everything, in fear. I also know that something has to be done. Cat, daughter - YOU. If he hurts YOU, who will protect your daughter?

The safety plan is decent. I would do whatever you can to get him to a different address ASAP. Being charged with abandonment is a drop in the sea. PLEASE.

 

[wethreepeeps]

Being charged with abandonment is a drop in the sea. PLEASE.

To be frank, it's not a drop in the sea if they also take my terminally ill child away from me and she dies before I get out of jail. That's what stops me.

 

[AnnieO]

To be frank, it's not a drop in the sea if they also take my terminally ill child away from me and she dies before I get out of jail. That's what stops me.

You have a good point (very good point), but there are many, many others here who will tell you they were not charged, though it was threatened. However - since he is clearly not well - you need help. And this - the squeaky wheel - may be the only way you get it. FWIW, that was not meant to offend - or perhaps it was - but only to get your attention.

it ain't ever easy...

 

[Marguerite]

Maybe pre-empt things and contact protective services yourself. Ask them for advice. Because for them to take a child, ANY child, is something they do not want to do. They would have to find a place for that child and if the child has problems, it is even more difficult for them. If the child has serious health issues such as your daughter, they are very unlikely to go to that trouble when your main purpose in "abandoning" anyone, is to protect her. Why would they take her form you, if you are doing hat you do primarily to protect her? You could (I would, if it happened to me under those circumstances) go right to the media who would have a field day making protective services look really, really bad for taking your seriously ill daughter away from you when you were only trying to protect her, appropriately.

If you call them first and say, "How do I protect my daughter from her brother who is violent and has been tying to hurt the family pet?" then the onus is on them to advise you appropriately.

The threat of abandonment has been made to others. The main reason the threat is made, is to force the parent to take back the child that you WANT protective services to take. Why, when protective services are trying to do this to avoid taking any child, would they then take both?

I can understand your fear, however.

Marg

 

[hearts and roses]

Mostly I just want to send you and your daughter gentle hugs. The time you have left with her... sad and so precious.

I think you need to consult with an Atty asap, 3peeps. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

 

[susiestar]

I understand the fear that they might take your daughter away from you if you refuse to keep him in your home. You truly need a lawyer to help with all of this, to protect your interests and more esp your daughter's interests. I doubt your relaitonship with your son would ever recover if you had to "abandon" him, meaning turn him over to social services, and it ended up with your daughter being taken away from you and her dying while she was away from you. I don't know that I could take that risk with-o some real help from an attorney.

One of the BEST ways to get an attorney to help with all of this, given what must be strained finances from all the things you must do with your daughter (I don't see how you could work and still care for your homebound daughter.) is to go to a domestic violence center and get them to help. They CAN help even if the abuser is you child. I know because I went to the one here and got access to a LOT of things for free.

Social services does NOT want to take charge of a violent child and will threaten a lot of things. I don't know if they can actually follow through with them, esp if your daughter's doctors are willing to say that she cannot live with the violence of her brother and must have you with her or it will endanger her physical and mental health. IF your son't docs will say that he needs out of home placement and is not safe to be aorund you or his sister that will add a lot of weight to your side. An attorney should know the best ways to helpw ith this. IF nothing else, write a letter and send it to every attorney in your area, asking for them to help you pro bono (free) in getting your son placed in a hospital, group home or foster home so that you and your daughter can live with-o violence and he can learn to make safe choices and not be violent. make it clear that you are asking for therapy to help your son but are very worried because your son's violence is harming your terminally ill child.

We were threatened with removal of our pcs when we reported difficult child's violence to cps. They thought it would be easier to place the ohter kids than to place him. Since we already had him in a psychiatric hospital for a long term (not acute) stay, they had little to support that argument. We also had Jess's pediatrician saying that if they tried to force us to taek Wiz home she would contact the governor and the media, and that she would do the same if they tried to take the other kids because she knew we were doing all the right things and just needed help and a place for him to learn to be safe.

You are in such a horrible situation. I really wish I could do more than just offer support and ideas. I really think that a DV center would be an awesome resource for you. They usually have a LOT of influence with social services and the courts, so having their support could help a lot.

You also MUST create a paper trail. The Parent Report is a good thing to start with (follow the link in my sig to elarn mroe about it). Then each time difficult child gets violent or abusive you need to call 911 for help with a mentally ill child - transport to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation is what you need to ask for. It will eat a lot of your time and own't be fun, but the more times you call them out the more they will see that he is a danger to you and your other child and the more pressure will be put on "the system" to provide help for you.

The more you can push and get him evaluated and admitted (hopefully admitted), the more social services will see you are not trying to "throw him away" and that you want help for him and must protect your daughter from him. After several times where they odn't help you, then you contact your state and federal congressmen and your governor to ask why you cannot get help to help your mentally ill child learn to make better choices and to keep your terminally ill child safe until your son can live with you safely. They are using the fear of separation from her against you. You can use her terminal disease as a black mark against them - "Why won't social services step in and help me keep my very fragile terminally ill daughter safe from my mentally ill son?". It is something that NO ONE in social services wants to be asked by the governor or a congressperson - those people control their funding. Plus it woudl be a HUGE black eye in the media if you got any press attention on this situation.

Your own lawyer could even push them harder with these questions/black marks on their records. Cause I am sure there are laws and precedents that could help you that social services doesn't want you to know about because it is expensive for them.

If you have a church that you are comfortable with, they can also bring pressure to bear for you AND be on your side with social services. Having a pastor or priest say you are a good/great mom who is having to deal with a heartbreaking situaiton and all social services is doing is placing guilt on you that you don't deserve and not helping you keep the kids safe and keep other kids safe from your son's aggression can go a long way with the court and with public opinion.

These are ideas. IF you need help writing letters to lawyers, etc.... I can help via PM.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

You really are doing a great job with an impossible, heartwrenching situation.

 

[wethreepeeps]

I am going to call the district attorney's office tomorrow and explain the situation and ask what my options are, if I could pay the fine and avoid prosecution, etc.

The paper trail is pretty hardcore. We first reported behavior problems to the pediatrician within six months of bringing him home at age 3, and he has since then been in nearly continuous therapy of some sort.

At least there's no talk of sending him home yet. Today's report is that he's "easily agitated, hyperactive, difficult to redirect, unfocused, and easily aggravated by peers." but he hasn't been physically violent.

 

[AnnieO]

The paper trail is pretty hardcore. We first reported behavior problems to the pediatrician within six months of bringing him home at age 3, and he has since then been in nearly continuous therapy of some sort.

THIS, hon, should work in your favor... More hugs...