How gullible or stupid does he think I am??

[TeDo]

I allowed difficult child 1 to spend the night at a friend's house last night with the very clear understanding that he was to be home by 11:00 this morning. Usually, this isn't an issue. He knows sleepovers are a privilege and does not like to ruin his chances of having that taken away.

Well, I texted him at 11:03 asking him if he was on his way because he was already late. He replied that they were just eating cinnamon rolls the parents had just made. Ok, no problem, I'll let him finish eating. I call him at 11:30 asking him if he was on his way. He said yea. Ok, no problem. I get busy doing something and glance at the clock awhile later. Hmmmm, it's 11:55 and still no difficult child 1. I text him to GET HOME NOW. He walks in the door at 12:05 with all his stuff. I calmly tell him to put all his stuff away and give me his phone. He hands me his phone and asks if that means he's grounded from video games and computer too (see, I don't have to even tell him he's grounded, he knows). Yes, that means grounded from all that stuff too. He walks back into the other room.

Ten minutes later, he comes into the kitchen and says (in that 'trying to sound confused but I'm not really confused' voice) "So, let me get this straight. You're grounding me for being a good friend? I was helping J pick up the basement." My reply: "No, you're grounded for not coming home when you were done eating like you said you were when I asked you. You were late AND you lied to me."

He walked back into the other room without another word.

 

[keista]

Awwwwwwwwwww. See, I'm an old softie. I feel bad for the kid, because the way I see it what he forgot to do was CALL YOU AND LET YOU KNOW about this koi. So in my house he'd still be grounded for that.

 

[Liahona]

That last comment sounds like something difficult child 1 would say. Anything to try to get out of trouble.

 

[Tiapet]

I'm not soft but I am used to lies. I most likely would have first needed to realize if this was a first offense or not. Then I would have wanted to ask him why he was late and waited for the answer. Decided if it was realistic or one I could verify (could you have called and done this?). Then I would have decided based on all facts what the appropriate consequences were. If, in fact all of what was stated was true then I think I would have have given a consequence for being late as difficult child should have "eaten" in enough time to be home ON TIME and IF he needed to help pick up then he should have done it prior to the time as well. Having said that, I would be a little lenient on the fact that he did help pick up. He also could have called or texted that he was going to be late and why (and I could also have verified it at the time too). So I guess what I'm saying is I probably wouldn't have taken all those privileges away. Seems like an awful lot.

If the "parents" did just make the cinnamon rolls he didn't have much control over when they were made, however the kids must have had some control over picking up "if" that was in fact what took place. If it wasn't and he just dallied his way in getting home I'd want to know what he was doing in that extra time and why he did it knowing he'd face these consequences (as you said he knew ahead).

Maybe I'm missing something here? I don't think you are gullible or stupid but I'm wondering the answers to these questions.

 

[buddy]

Wow, no freak out! Trade you....

 

[TeDo]

Tiapet, this isn't the first time he's been late and it's not the first time he lied. He always has an excuse. It wouldn't have been so bad but he told me at 11:30 that he was on his way home. Because he accepted the punishment without complaint or anything, his comment about being a good friend was just a ploy to get out of trouble. It just amazes me that he hasn't learned that I am not stupid. IF he'd have let me know he had to help pick up before he left, I would have allowed that BUT he just plain didn't come home. He needs to start taking responsibility at some point. He turns 14 next month and I don't think this is too much to ask. It just never ceases to amaze me that he does these kinds of things a lot of the time when he's gone playing. This is just the first time he's done it after a sleepover. This kind of excuse is normal most of the time otherwise and I need to nip it in the butt before it gets worse.

 

[JJJ]

Eeyore has the same issue with lying. I think following through on a punishment he knew was coming was important.

 

[whatamess]

Did, "on my way" mean something different to him than it did to you? On my way can mean: I am actually in the act of transporting myself to destination and it can mean I am wrapping things up with the intent on leaving asap. Yes, I'm sure it all could have been planned out, but honestly I'm not sure I know many teenagers who would calculate- mom said I need to be home at 11:00, so I should be dressed by 10, clean basement by 10:15, eat at 10:30 and leave.

 

[DammitJanet]

I think Tedo did what she had to do. She had set a consequence so she has to follow through. She cannot tell him he has a set consequence and then waffle or he will play her every time. And yes teens can manage to get home on time. They get up and get dressed when they are sleeping over at someone else's home because they arent going to be lounging in pj's. Its embarrassing. They want clothes on. If he had to tell his friends mom he couldnt stay for sticky buns, oh well.

 

[donna723]

That's exactly what I was thinking!

 

[TeDo]

Just to clarify, difficult child 1 has ALWAYS been home on time after a sleepover. This was the first time he's done this after a sleepover. He does it all the time after he's been gone playing, but never after a sleepover.

He served his grounding without a peep. He knew he was wrong. Believe me, if he even thought it was unfair, he would not have dropped it at all and would have had a meltdown and continued arguing his point. He didn't do that. My guess is that he lied about being on his way to put coming home off for as long as he could. Once he came home, he had to take 10 minutes to think of a "reason" for me to drop the consequences.

Usually, when he really does have a reason, he presents his case the second he walks in the door before I even have a chance to ask why he's late. If he has a good reason, I let it go with the explanation that he needs to call me to let me know he's going to be late, not wait until he gets home late to tell me.