How has parenting a difficult child changed you?

Nancy

Well-Known Member
I have learned the true meaning of unconditional love. It's easy to love when they are a easy child but far harder when they are a difficult child.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Tony and I were talking about something close to this just the other night.

I have no real adult years of before and after kids. I went straight from being a HS student into getting married at 18 and having a baby. Not an ideal way to start life. So obviously I have no clue how having difficult child's has changed me because they have always been there. And also in fact, I have always been a difficult child and my mother was a difficult child. I know nothing else.

I do know my kids are most likely better for being in our family. I never thought I could look at them one day and think that for all their issues growing up that we really did have good boys. Yes, Cory has had his issues but he tries. We have learned to be thankful for smaller things. Harvard is out but we are thrilled if he is working.
 
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Signorina

Guest
I am much less judgmental. I was ONCE one of those people who would hear about Jared Lautner or James Holmes and wonder why the heck no one got them help or what their parents did wrong...live and learn...

In a sentence, parenting a difficult child has changed me for the worse. I am weary, occasionally jaded and I feel old. My optimism is on empty and every optimistic thought comes with a hitchhiker of "watch out for falling shoes...".
 
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HaoZi

Guest
My anxiety and PTSD levels can be off the charts. I was never good with kids, but now when people bring kids into where I work I'm screaming inside and quietly turning to a co-worker and saying "Shoot me now." While it's been a good while since I had a call from the school (IEP says don't call me at work, call the sheriff's dept and let them handle her and I'll pick her up after work) I still freak when I hear a phone ring.

My own difficult child-ness comes out more, and I've learned more about my own as well as Kiddo's. I've learned more coping mechanisms for me (doesn't always work, but improving) and I keep trying to help her.

I'm learning to appreciate the little things in life. I've learned that there is more than one right way to do things. I've learned to appreciate small progress, because it IS progress. I'm learning to be more affectionate. I'm learning to pick my battles and that she is even more stubborn than I am (and she's often less tired than me, too).

I've learned I can never have the life I envisioned for myself and I doubt she can ever have the life I originally envisioned for her. I had to create a new one, and I hope that one day she can just be independent and happy. I didn't live up to my potential and I have grave doubts she will, either. Smart as she is, with all the help she has, I still fear she will dependent on me to some degree and I won't live forever. Heck I lack the executive functioning skills for my own financial planning, I can't handle her financial future, too.

But some days I have hope, and some times I have happiness, and I've learned to not take those times for granted any more.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
WIthout my kids I wouldn't be the person I am today - Their life lessons made me a better person. It's like blessings I think. People usually only ever say thanks for the good things in their lives, or the good times. I thank God for the good times and the bad times, because without both? I'd never know the difference. I may not like the bad things....but I'm thankful just the same. Dude was a good thing, his disability? (shrug) was it really a bad thing? I don't know.....because I'm certainly a lot more tolerant of the world, and the people in it, and able to see so much more with eyes wide open.....and to me.....that's not such a bad thing.

Sometimes we're not able to see a bigger picture when we're going through things that are hard, difficult or tragic....I don't think we're supposed to. But after we survive them....if we use what we've learned in those experiences to help others? I think we become better people. I certainly can say after raising Dude and living my life? And meeting everyone here I'm better for it. And I know that I've used what I've learned and lived through to help others.

I guess it all depends on how you look at it. I'm thankful for my sons.......eternally thankful.
 

Parker

New Member
Wow! Some very strong individuals here. I kept thinking, "Hey! That's me", or "Yup, fully understand that". I guess with my situations I've become infinitely more patient with my kids. My son was our first storm and at times it took all my strength not to pound him into the ground what with all the disrespectful behaviour and the foul mouthed insults thrown in my face. I learned that my kids are not doing this to me, but to themselves and that the way I react to them can help or hinder.

There is a lot more inside me that I can't put together yet, some day I will though.
 
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