Marriage is difficult enough even in the best of circumstances. Throw in difficult child and it changes the dynamic over time. I notice over the last few years, since my daughter began having problems, I found myself feeling resentful of my husband more and more. When kids are little and things are rolling along smoothly and parents still have a bit of "control" in the home, it seems like we got along much better. It makes complete sense that when your teen starts having issues, it triggers flashbacks or remembrances of your own youth which was possibly a dark period of time. Not really knowing that this is happening intellectually but feeling it emotionally. I know my husband and I deal with things differently. Perhaps his way of "getting on with" it is a protective coping strategy that he has learned over the years - growing up in an alcoholic family (both parents), losing both parents to alcohol without any goodbyes, losing a beautiful sister to alcoholism with no goodbye, a brother homeless for years, and now his daughter falling into this same futile lifestyle (which hopefully will not end in the same way). It's so very painful maybe, that he just can't deal with his emotions, nor mine. Maybe it's that he's a man and can compartmentalize better (my mom says this about men anyway). I go from somewhat okay to almost happy to complete despair several times a day. I grew up in a loving, healthy family. Not perfect. I was treated like I mattered and that it was okay to have feelings. I knew and still know I was and am supported by my mom and dad. He didn't have that. I have not been a very happy person to be around for a long time now which must be hard for him. He probably wants me to be okay and doesn't know how to make my heart heal. He doesn't do therapy or self help books and I'm the opposite. He is definitely right on the money most of the time however - that our kid needs to figure it out for herself. No amount of rehab or therapy or medicine is going to solve her problems until she realizes she wants to live her life differently. It just makes me sad that my daughter's father isn't going all out to "save her", but I know she can only save herself. I guess it's good that he gets on with it without too much despair otherwise we'd be doomed. I can't control his reactions - I can't control his relationship with his children and family no matter how much I want it a certain way. I can only control how I react and my own relationships.