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How has this affected your marriage or relationship with SO?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 720983" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>strangeworld, hi.</p><p></p><p>what a beautiful and wise post.</p><p></p><p>i had your husband's life. the struggles of my son , coupled with other losses, have triggered very painful heretofore suppressed childhood agony. mainly sadness, grief and guilt. but fear too. </p><p></p><p>despite a lot of self-esteem based upon achievements mainly i find myself feeling like a bereft and powerless child.</p><p></p><p>your husband's life has been full of tragic losses and abandonment. with everything in him he is trying to ward off his grief. </p><p></p><p>just like you wrote in your post. </p><p></p><p>he must feel like i do, that it is his fault. all of it. and now a child he loves more than his own life. he must be hanging on by a thread.</p><p></p><p>omg he is blessed to have you. of course you are human. how could you not wish that he was more available to you and your daughter.</p><p></p><p>i am struggling with this too. but in your husband's role. i have been more and more sad. i retreat and barely function. do not take care of responsibilities and become a bigger and bigger burden. my so is resentful, critical and fed up. </p><p></p><p>i feel like crawling in a hole and leaving the relationship.</p><p></p><p> then i remember. your post helped me. maybe m, my so, is reacting to what it is to live with somebody who feels they want to die to stop the pain. </p><p></p><p>this is agonizing. each of us is carrying a personal hell. and with some of us this triggers something worse. memory.</p><p></p><p>your husband may not be able right now to do better. it may be that you will have to do for yourself. but it does not mean he does not love and value your daughter and you. the reverse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 720983, member: 18958"] strangeworld, hi. what a beautiful and wise post. i had your husband's life. the struggles of my son , coupled with other losses, have triggered very painful heretofore suppressed childhood agony. mainly sadness, grief and guilt. but fear too. despite a lot of self-esteem based upon achievements mainly i find myself feeling like a bereft and powerless child. your husband's life has been full of tragic losses and abandonment. with everything in him he is trying to ward off his grief. just like you wrote in your post. he must feel like i do, that it is his fault. all of it. and now a child he loves more than his own life. he must be hanging on by a thread. omg he is blessed to have you. of course you are human. how could you not wish that he was more available to you and your daughter. i am struggling with this too. but in your husband's role. i have been more and more sad. i retreat and barely function. do not take care of responsibilities and become a bigger and bigger burden. my so is resentful, critical and fed up. i feel like crawling in a hole and leaving the relationship. then i remember. your post helped me. maybe m, my so, is reacting to what it is to live with somebody who feels they want to die to stop the pain. this is agonizing. each of us is carrying a personal hell. and with some of us this triggers something worse. memory. your husband may not be able right now to do better. it may be that you will have to do for yourself. but it does not mean he does not love and value your daughter and you. the reverse. [/QUOTE]
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