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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 632335" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Okwoman, you may want to start your own thread, you've posted on an old thread and others may not find you as readily. You can cut and paste your post on your own thread by clicking on Parent Emeritus at the top here, then look right and click on start a thread. </p><p></p><p>Welcome. Your story sounds much like many of ours. If your daughter is 32 then you are near retirement as a few of us are, and you're correct, your parenting years are over. You are not obligated to lie for your grandkids to get into a better school, nor are you obligated to rent your home to them, nor take care of the children, those are <u>choices,</u> not obligations or responsibilities. Whatever you are willing to do and feel good about is the best choice, in my opinion. Otherwise you will feel resentment and then the act of giving is nullified. </p><p></p><p>Others don't have the right to judge us for our choices although they do and I know that can hurt us, but it is likely best to let that roll off your back. The other grandmother sounds as if she is trying to intimidate or bully you into doing something you are not willing to do. Let it go. Do what you feel good about doing and don't do anymore. It sounds as if you have good boundaries, keep them up. Boundaries are important when dealing with troubled adult kids. </p><p></p><p>I believe you're doing the right thing. You're doing what feels right to YOU. That is the best policy for health and well being, in my opinion. It also sounds as if you are doing enough. You care for the kids. Your daughter is ultimately responsible for her children,not you. If you have a contentious relationship with your daughter then it also makes sense to limit your exposure to her. It makes sense to connect as little as possible if the connection with her is problematic. Only you can be the judge of that. </p><p></p><p>All in all your post sounds healthy. It certainly isn't ideal, but we don't see much of ideal around here..........but you're doing what is right for you, you have a relationship with your grandkids, you have good boundaries around your daughter, I say, good job. </p><p></p><p>You can't control how others feel. If they are blaming you, it is their problem. To me it sounds as if you are responding in a healthy way. It can be a lonely road to do the right thing, but stay the course and continue limiting your exposure to toxic, blaming, negative people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 632335, member: 13542"] Okwoman, you may want to start your own thread, you've posted on an old thread and others may not find you as readily. You can cut and paste your post on your own thread by clicking on Parent Emeritus at the top here, then look right and click on start a thread. Welcome. Your story sounds much like many of ours. If your daughter is 32 then you are near retirement as a few of us are, and you're correct, your parenting years are over. You are not obligated to lie for your grandkids to get into a better school, nor are you obligated to rent your home to them, nor take care of the children, those are [U]choices,[/U] not obligations or responsibilities. Whatever you are willing to do and feel good about is the best choice, in my opinion. Otherwise you will feel resentment and then the act of giving is nullified. Others don't have the right to judge us for our choices although they do and I know that can hurt us, but it is likely best to let that roll off your back. The other grandmother sounds as if she is trying to intimidate or bully you into doing something you are not willing to do. Let it go. Do what you feel good about doing and don't do anymore. It sounds as if you have good boundaries, keep them up. Boundaries are important when dealing with troubled adult kids. I believe you're doing the right thing. You're doing what feels right to YOU. That is the best policy for health and well being, in my opinion. It also sounds as if you are doing enough. You care for the kids. Your daughter is ultimately responsible for her children,not you. If you have a contentious relationship with your daughter then it also makes sense to limit your exposure to her. It makes sense to connect as little as possible if the connection with her is problematic. Only you can be the judge of that. All in all your post sounds healthy. It certainly isn't ideal, but we don't see much of ideal around here..........but you're doing what is right for you, you have a relationship with your grandkids, you have good boundaries around your daughter, I say, good job. You can't control how others feel. If they are blaming you, it is their problem. To me it sounds as if you are responding in a healthy way. It can be a lonely road to do the right thing, but stay the course and continue limiting your exposure to toxic, blaming, negative people. [/QUOTE]
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