Kind of a dumb question. Maybe I'm just asking for the sake of a little reassurance that I can handle it. How long can it take for ME to change? I've been reading everything here and really studying hard on CPS and reading The Explosive Child. I've said before that I think I may be a large part of our problems with Gavin because I'm such a "By The Book" parent and I realize that that's the first thing that needs to change if anything is going to succeed. I've already talked to Kat and let her know my feelings on the fact that I'm going to have to take a huge step back and stay out of things a lot more often. But, I feel bad doing that to her knowing that most of his outbursts happen when I'm not around, which he has admitted is because he knows he won't get away with it around me (which leads to my other issues of figuring out what's leading to his behavior). So basically I'm going to be making her handle the vast majority of it herself, which is wrong to me. I know it's necessary though until I can change my own outlook on things and start viewing his actions as lagging skills and not pure defiance. I see lots of techniques for helping him through this, but is there any advice to help me in my own transitions and change in mindset?