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Substance Abuse
How long has your Difficult Child been using?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 719186" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Daughter started using st 12 until about 20. As you know she quit without telling us, and didnt let us know until afterward.</p><p></p><p>The only advice I have ever had is to detach the best you can from the drama, stop thinking you can control them and to look for true signs that they have changed when they inevitably claim they have. The changes happen quickly once they are out of the gutter. Here are a few changes to look for that may indicate true change.</p><p></p><p>1. Dumping of drug friends. If they dont dump them, thay are probably still using.Druggies want nothing to do with sober people...their commanality is drugs. Sober people know its best to stay away and do, if they are serious.</p><p></p><p>2. A desire to thrive, work, catch up, go to school etc. Like they woke up from a drug coma. It was very fast with our daughter.</p><p></p><p>3. No longer in legal trouble.</p><p></p><p>4. Start talking about how stupid it is to use drugs. And mean it.</p><p></p><p>5. New, quick maturity. May be active in AA, NA or some other group of recovery.</p><p></p><p>6. Improved hygiene. There was an amazing change here with Daughter. She also started looking healthy.</p><p></p><p>As for what helped, this is my .02 and also from what I learned by talking to daughter.</p><p></p><p>I feel that no money, no toys, no shelter did help my daughter get tired of drug life. She has said we made it "too hard."</p><p></p><p>I feel nurturing and supporting a drug user just keeps them unmotivated to quit, which is hard to do if one is addicted. I feel they need to be desperate. In no way does this mean we cut them off or stop expressing love for them. We never cut off communication with daughter nor did we stop telling her we loved her. Love however did not include giving her toys or money or a car as long as she was using.</p><p></p><p>Take what you need and leave the rest. I have faith in your son. He isnt there yet...that doesnt mean he wont get there. You have done your very best. He has a great foundation and lots of knowledge. When ready, he has MUCH to draw on.That matters!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 719186, member: 1550"] Daughter started using st 12 until about 20. As you know she quit without telling us, and didnt let us know until afterward. The only advice I have ever had is to detach the best you can from the drama, stop thinking you can control them and to look for true signs that they have changed when they inevitably claim they have. The changes happen quickly once they are out of the gutter. Here are a few changes to look for that may indicate true change. 1. Dumping of drug friends. If they dont dump them, thay are probably still using.Druggies want nothing to do with sober people...their commanality is drugs. Sober people know its best to stay away and do, if they are serious. 2. A desire to thrive, work, catch up, go to school etc. Like they woke up from a drug coma. It was very fast with our daughter. 3. No longer in legal trouble. 4. Start talking about how stupid it is to use drugs. And mean it. 5. New, quick maturity. May be active in AA, NA or some other group of recovery. 6. Improved hygiene. There was an amazing change here with Daughter. She also started looking healthy. As for what helped, this is my .02 and also from what I learned by talking to daughter. I feel that no money, no toys, no shelter did help my daughter get tired of drug life. She has said we made it "too hard." I feel nurturing and supporting a drug user just keeps them unmotivated to quit, which is hard to do if one is addicted. I feel they need to be desperate. In no way does this mean we cut them off or stop expressing love for them. We never cut off communication with daughter nor did we stop telling her we loved her. Love however did not include giving her toys or money or a car as long as she was using. Take what you need and leave the rest. I have faith in your son. He isnt there yet...that doesnt mean he wont get there. You have done your very best. He has a great foundation and lots of knowledge. When ready, he has MUCH to draw on.That matters! [/QUOTE]
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