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Family of Origin
How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667422" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have been thinking about this the past couple of days. Painful stuff.</p><p></p><p>Like learning that my mother gave my sister my grandfather's pocket watch. My mother's comment near the end that my sister always pressured her for stuff, was taking stuff, wanted stuff.</p><p></p><p>My mother never thought one time of how I would feel when she gave important stuff (like my grandfather's watch, or his work bench, that had been the store front counter where he and my grandmother had worked for years and years--even though she had promised it to me) would feel to me.</p><p></p><p>While my mother could be supportive and warm...it is hard to understand...she did not think about or care how her decision would affect somebody else, namely me.</p><p></p><p>The comment by my sister's 2nd mother in law (after I began to have contact again with my family) referring to my mother as "L's Mother" and then correcting herself..."Oh, I guess she is your mother, too."</p><p></p><p>I fault myself. Had I been stronger, had I been willing to accept more hurt...able to grow more...been more tolerant...I could have had a full relationship with my Mother. But I do not see how I could have with my sister. </p><p></p><p>Why is she so vile to me? Does she see me as the hurtful one? Is all of this retribution for things she sees me to have done to her? </p><p></p><p>We can see why my sister saw me as forcing my mother to have made a choice between us to care for her, at the end. Because that was what she was doing for 50 years, vying to win over me. Why? She had my mother to herself all of those years...why did I need to be subordinated, even in absentia? </p><p></p><p>I want my sister to suffer for all that she has done. That is true. I want her to gain back all of her weight. I want her to be reviled in her highfalutin job. I want her to spend all of her money. </p><p></p><p>And the reality, is that I have gained weight. I am not working. I am spending money on useless things and losing it on stupid investments. </p><p></p><p>I am the one who is trapped in the past. I seem to have said, again, after a lifetime. I accept being the loser. I accept second best. I yield to you the field. Everything you wanted and needed. Take it all. And I do not know why.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to type a few lines ago. Let Mama just come back. I will give up my life. For Mama to come back. So I can have another chance.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667422, member: 18958"] I have been thinking about this the past couple of days. Painful stuff. Like learning that my mother gave my sister my grandfather's pocket watch. My mother's comment near the end that my sister always pressured her for stuff, was taking stuff, wanted stuff. My mother never thought one time of how I would feel when she gave important stuff (like my grandfather's watch, or his work bench, that had been the store front counter where he and my grandmother had worked for years and years--even though she had promised it to me) would feel to me. While my mother could be supportive and warm...it is hard to understand...she did not think about or care how her decision would affect somebody else, namely me. The comment by my sister's 2nd mother in law (after I began to have contact again with my family) referring to my mother as "L's Mother" and then correcting herself..."Oh, I guess she is your mother, too." I fault myself. Had I been stronger, had I been willing to accept more hurt...able to grow more...been more tolerant...I could have had a full relationship with my Mother. But I do not see how I could have with my sister. Why is she so vile to me? Does she see me as the hurtful one? Is all of this retribution for things she sees me to have done to her? We can see why my sister saw me as forcing my mother to have made a choice between us to care for her, at the end. Because that was what she was doing for 50 years, vying to win over me. Why? She had my mother to herself all of those years...why did I need to be subordinated, even in absentia? I want my sister to suffer for all that she has done. That is true. I want her to gain back all of her weight. I want her to be reviled in her highfalutin job. I want her to spend all of her money. And the reality, is that I have gained weight. I am not working. I am spending money on useless things and losing it on stupid investments. I am the one who is trapped in the past. I seem to have said, again, after a lifetime. I accept being the loser. I accept second best. I yield to you the field. Everything you wanted and needed. Take it all. And I do not know why. I wanted to type a few lines ago. Let Mama just come back. I will give up my life. For Mama to come back. So I can have another chance. COPA [/QUOTE]
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How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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