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Family of Origin
How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667423" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My mother was kind, until she was not. She was not invested in being mean, as were your mothers. She was not sadistic. She could be mean. She was selfish. She put herself first. She was self-serving. She could distort reality in a self-serving way.</p><p></p><p>But her persona was not mean, in general. She did not try to trick or humiliate people. She had great compassion for the poor and the powerless. She despised racism, especially against immigrants, with whom she identified. </p><p></p><p>She could never understand why many Jewish people turned against the poor or immigrants. She would say, "don't they remember the lives they lived, their parents' lived when they came here? How can they not remember? How is it different? Who do they think they are now? Queen Elizabeth?" And she would go to her senior citizens current events group and she would tell them all to their faces that they were racists and betraying themselves and who they came from...by such. </p><p></p><p>And even though it would hurt her when everybody got mad and threatened to throw her out of the group, she would go back and keep saying it. She was always odd man out. But she would go back and say the same thing.</p><p></p><p>That is why I think I am the same way. I am always the prisoner. I am the undocumented. I am the refugee. The migrant. </p><p></p><p>My sister is the reverse. She believes herself to have the same values, but she comes from a position of judgment and exclusion. How I cannot stand her.</p><p></p><p>My mother never said to me one thing in judgment of M or to rethink the relationship. Even with respect to marital status. She always said, keep </p><p>your mother shut. He will come to it in time. It is his decision to make. She was right. Who is nagging about the divorce now? M.</p><p></p><p>My mother had a great deal of wisdom about life. </p><p></p><p>Can you see my grief? What my loss was? That I turned away from her in life? </p><p></p><p>And she was the best company anybody could have. She was saucy. Irreverent. She was confident, supremely so (I am not.) She was beautiful. As good a conversationalist as existed. And funny. You do not know funny, if you did not know my mother.</p><p></p><p>And who lost out on all of it? Me.</p><p></p><p>Because I walked away. </p><p></p><p>I cannot make sense of what my life has been. Really. It just does not make sense.</p><p>I guess that is why I am back in bed.</p><p></p><p>The only part of it that makes sense now is M. The simple day to day way we live. Boxes of stupid clothes and shoes and socks arriving for a cold climate (that exists only in my dreams) and then sending 3/4 of it back. M has said. No more buying until we get there. I am thinking he fears we never will. </p><p></p><p>How many snow boots do 2 people need? I suspect, not 12 pairs. Especially when they can almost share the same size.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667423, member: 18958"] My mother was kind, until she was not. She was not invested in being mean, as were your mothers. She was not sadistic. She could be mean. She was selfish. She put herself first. She was self-serving. She could distort reality in a self-serving way. But her persona was not mean, in general. She did not try to trick or humiliate people. She had great compassion for the poor and the powerless. She despised racism, especially against immigrants, with whom she identified. She could never understand why many Jewish people turned against the poor or immigrants. She would say, "don't they remember the lives they lived, their parents' lived when they came here? How can they not remember? How is it different? Who do they think they are now? Queen Elizabeth?" And she would go to her senior citizens current events group and she would tell them all to their faces that they were racists and betraying themselves and who they came from...by such. And even though it would hurt her when everybody got mad and threatened to throw her out of the group, she would go back and keep saying it. She was always odd man out. But she would go back and say the same thing. That is why I think I am the same way. I am always the prisoner. I am the undocumented. I am the refugee. The migrant. My sister is the reverse. She believes herself to have the same values, but she comes from a position of judgment and exclusion. How I cannot stand her. My mother never said to me one thing in judgment of M or to rethink the relationship. Even with respect to marital status. She always said, keep your mother shut. He will come to it in time. It is his decision to make. She was right. Who is nagging about the divorce now? M. My mother had a great deal of wisdom about life. Can you see my grief? What my loss was? That I turned away from her in life? And she was the best company anybody could have. She was saucy. Irreverent. She was confident, supremely so (I am not.) She was beautiful. As good a conversationalist as existed. And funny. You do not know funny, if you did not know my mother. And who lost out on all of it? Me. Because I walked away. I cannot make sense of what my life has been. Really. It just does not make sense. I guess that is why I am back in bed. The only part of it that makes sense now is M. The simple day to day way we live. Boxes of stupid clothes and shoes and socks arriving for a cold climate (that exists only in my dreams) and then sending 3/4 of it back. M has said. No more buying until we get there. I am thinking he fears we never will. How many snow boots do 2 people need? I suspect, not 12 pairs. Especially when they can almost share the same size. COPA [/QUOTE]
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How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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