How old was your difficult child when you knew?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by maxeygirls, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. maxeygirls

    maxeygirls New Member

    I got into a discussion regarding difficult child with a couple of people who respect what is going on with us but they asked how old she was when I knew something was 'different.' When I said I could tell something was off as early as 1-2 months old they were shocked. I explained how difficult child couldn't handle the smallest change in routine, the sleep problems, different moods than other babies etc and one of the two asked how common it was for parents of difficult children to notice these things early on. My answer was "I dunno, but I know where I can find out!" Now Im wondering if I'm odd for noticing so young lol.
    So how old was your difficult child when you knew something was off and what is your difficult child diagnosed with?
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My difficult child 1 was a difficult baby from day 1, but we chalked it up to the rough start he had and the fact that we didn't know any better as new parents.

    difficult child 2 started having issues around age 3 to 3 1/2. He was a much easier baby, but he started having sensory issues and hyperactivity around that toddler/preschool age.
  3. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

  4. We could tell within a few weeks from birth. He was colicky, had the worse case of reflux I have ever seen , and he just didn't connect with us. At the time I blamed myself, and I couldn't understand why I just couldn't "get it together" with him. I never really got a definitive answer to this until he was diagnosed at 15. It's been a long journey!
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    difficult child was my first healthy child and he was just a miracle to me. He was a dream as a baby. Ate and slept, ate and slept. Grew like a weed, hit those developmental milestones early across the board. I was in awe of him.

    The terrible 2's hit at about 18 months and things went downhill from there. My first inkling that something was off was when I picked up that positive reinforcement consistently provoked negative behaviors, and negative reinforcement was a good thing to difficult child. He was probably about 3 when the alarm bells really started ringing, but it wasn't until he was 6 that professionals really started hearing what we were telling them. We started therapy with him, consistently, at age 4.

    He was diagnosed as bipolar at age 6. I'm convinced he's somewhere on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) spectrum as well, very mildly but still there.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    I knew before he was born. The ultrasound technician confirmed that I felt manster moved "a lot". She said "when he's 2 you'll need roller skates". I just felt like he couldn't get settled with the constant movement. When he was a few weeks old I wrote a poem when he cried for hours and I was beyond exhausted. "Welcome Aboard the train of complain, manster's conducting his chorus of pain, don't want no bottles, no chaning, no breast, my only goal is to put you to test. Welcome Aboard, it's time to embark, manster will tell you his story from morning till dark. There's more.. anyway when he gets in his moods now I still call him "complain train" lol.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I knew something was not quite right when difficult child was very small...

    but the "professionals" had ready explanations for my observations, so I got into a habit of doubting myself very early. It wasn't until she started school and I began getting the phone calls that I knew more people could see it, too.

    What is "it"...? Still not quite sure...
  8. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    For us everything hit the fan at age 12, but thinking back he was always a challenge. His terrible twos were legendary. His will strong. Although my difficult child is mainly a difficult child for his lack of ability to manage frustrations, there is no bipolar or other more serious difficult child diagnoses.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    With Jamie he was a very easy baby but he became very very hyperactive about 18 months. By the time he could really run well on his little legs, he was off and running from me. Also very impulsive at that early age.

    Cory was another story. Not as easy a baby because he had some feeding problems that caused him to be very irritable. Once those got under control he was more laid back. Then when he hit his feet he too got hyper. No wasnt a word he wanted to hear. He was adamant he was going to keep up with his older brothers. He got mad as heck when he couldnt.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    With the older three, they all came with one diagnosis or another. All of them were diagnosis around 3 years old. With Tigger, we knew 'something' was wrong around 1-1.5 years, we were in a panic by 3 and finally a diagnosis at 5.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I (jokingly) asked my doctor when I was 5 months pregnant if we could go ahead and start Ritalin.

    HAHAHAHAHA. Not so funny now.

    Wee was a very different baby, very easy. But the alarms didn't really go off until he was 8 months old and started running and absolutely nothing would remove him from the course of destruction he was on. Having already had one difficult child, I did my best to pretend all was normal til he was about 14 months old, then there was just no denying it.
  12. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    About 3 years old. I told his pediatrician he was being very defiant, and after I described what was going on, she said, "That's not defiance. It's just negative behavior."

    Almost 13 years and countless meltdowns later, I think anyone would call it defiance.
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Because K was our first we had no clue. I asked when she seemed to cry too much. I got the Oh. that is normal. I asked when she was overly aggressive and excitable with other kids at 1-2 and 3 Nope all normal. She had no ability to judge her strength or how long to hug or hard or soft.
    She had no idea who a stranger was or fear.
    But this was all normal. I only would question these things... I was told not to worry.
    When she would freak out in pre-school and hide under the tables, no biggie. Yell at the playgrounds, "Hi my name is K does anyone want to be my friend?"
    But do it everytime and scare all of the kids off...
    The head banging at 6 months....
    I questioned all of these things but never realized until about 3 when the violence started and she started acting like change was enough to turn her into a different child and over the edge.

    No one believed me still but in my heart I knew.
    But once Doctors started listening I could look back and there were so many red flags... we could have started helping both of my girls if anyone would have listened.
  14. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Well, hindsight being 20-20, there were things with our difficult child from when he was about 2ish on - didn't transition well, started saying a few words then not really talking until almost 3 then boom full articulate type sentences, didn't socialize well etc. etc. But it all really came out in school and in grade 2 lots of meltdowns, head banging etc. But up till he was 7, like totoro, was always told it was normal, until the meltdowns were bad enough they weren't normal anymore. But still didn't get a diagnosis till he was 11, until then I think they still all took it as parenting/family problems.
  15. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    Can I say at birth? He was born with his umbilical cord gripped tightly in his fists right next to his cheek bones. All day while I was in labor every time I had a contraction his pulse would drop to 0 and then when the contraction ended resume as normal. He was in charge then and now at 16 he still thinks he's in charge.
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I might add that I, too, talked to docs early on and was told either it was nothing to worry about or there was nothing they could do til he was in school having trouble. Luckily, having one difficult child already, and this board, I ditched those docs and found new ones sooner rather than later.
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My son, who is now 32, was a great baby. He smiled at everyone and I felt lucky. At eighteen months, we were at a park and he deliberately stomped on a little girl's hand making her scream and had a smile on his face. We had a lot of problems with him, including his own wild anxiety and his meanness sometimes to other kids.

    My daughter, who is 25, and took drugs was sensitive but didn't notice anything until 12, when she started using drugs (we didn't know it).

    We adopted Aspie son at 2 and right away we knew he was different, and knew he had been different from birth.
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    From Day One. I figured I was having a difficult time because she was my first, and I had no help for the first was just me and Miss KT. Our families were 200 miles away, and Useless Boy didn't take his vacation till we'd been home from the hospital for a week, which left me with a 10 pound newborn, pain from the c-section, and total exhaustion.
  19. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    I didn't really "know" until she was 12, but in hindsight, there were SO many indicators of trouble. Even in the hospital nursery right after birth, the nurses commented about her terrible temper. When she was a toddler, I talked with the pediatrician about the defiance I was struggling with. His implication was that maybe I just wasn't intimidating enough. He told me that it could be that this was an area where "dad would have to step in" to get her attention. That didn't work either, though. I well remember the show-down between her and dad when she was five, with him sternly scolding her, as she stared him down with jaw set and eyes blazing.

    It was after that incident, after sending her to her room, that he turned to me with the most amazing "oh @#$# expression," and said, "Wow... She's just like me."

    Still, I didn't get it. I knew she was bold and strong-willed, but I didn't get it--until after he was deceased. Oh, how I wish he could have been here to help me find our way through the full-blown mess.
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Shari, I love it!

    difficult child 3 was such an easy baby. I used to say, "We paid our dues with the first three." But whenever I had to change how I did things, we had battles. I mothered my baby by 'listening' to him and giving him what he anted. I work on the principle that you can't spoil a baby. He was likely to be my last, so if I wanted to cuddle my baby to sleep, I would. At about 3 months old, he seemed to decide at a certain point in the cuddle, that he wanted to be put to bed. So I would take my cue form him and put him to bed when he leaned that way. And he would go right off to sleep. This was such a contrast to the previous two, it was refreshing.

    difficult child 3 loved it when I walked among trees. He would really look up at the trees and any fussiness would immediately settle, as his eyes fixed on the afternoon sunlight flickering through the trees... can you say the word, "stimming"? He was doing this from the day I brought him home from hospital (no leafy trees in the hospital).

    But he was our genius baby for so long, he seemed to be a problem-solver early on. Then at 6 months old he would watch "Sale of the Century" so obviously, we thought it was a funny coincidence. Other game shows didn't grab his attention and we couldn't work out why this one seemed to, but he would look away or fuss during the ad breaks, but when the show came back on, he would stare at the screen again. Weird.

    At about a year old, we realised he wasn't saying much that made sense. I stated to ask questions but was repeatedly told to not worry, he was clearly a bright child. From before a year old he had shown an amazing musical aptitude (like a much-older music prodigy cousin of mine had, in infancy). Finally when he was 2, we were told to organise Speech Therapy. I put his name down at a local clinic and was told there was a long wait. Six months later someone at his day care called the welfare authorities on us, because of the increasingly-obvious language delay. At first the welfare mob gave me heaps because when I said we had his name down for speech Therapy, his name was not on the waiting list. We'd dropped off at some point and I hadn't known. so it made me look like a liar, only someone quickly put his name back on the list and pushed it up higher.

    It took time and a lot of accusations in my direction, before he got a diagnosis of language delay. However, by this stage he was reading aloud (although not with comprehension) and reading triple-digit numbers as well as some simple words. Obsessively reading - we'd go to see a doctor and difficult child 3 would walk around the room reading aloud every letter and number he could see. Any keyboard, he'd go over and start playing. Not bashing at it, but playing chords and simple tunes.

    The autism diagnosis came about a year later. He started stimulants at 3 and it was like magic, with accelerating his language.

    difficult child 1 - my first boy. He seemed very slow compared to his quicksilver eldest sister. The doctor kept saying, "boys are different, they do seem slower than girls. He's fine.
    But he wasn't. At 6, a school counsellor and class teacher hauled me in and tore strips off me for not paying attention to my son's needs. They did eventually begin to help a little, and a pediatrician we saw diagnosed ADHD. However, it was never the right answer and it took another ten years to get a more valid diagnosis.
    Looking back I can see the problems difficult child 1 had, before he was a year old. He fixated on one carer in the long day care centre, despite that carer's efforts to not let him bond so tightly. We now understand that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids can and will form habits incredibly fast.

    easy child 2/difficult child 2 was our genius child also. She seemed perfectly capable and together, but we realise now, we had misread the "little professor" side of her. She was about 8 years old when the school reported her being obstinate and difficult, as well as doing some very odd things (such as lying on the floor with her head to the floor during dance class - she told us she was listening to the vibrations). And still we didn't cotton on.

    She doesn't have a formal diagnosis except ADD, but we're all convinced she's Aspie.

    easy child - probably also partly Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) but she functions well so we don't ask for more problems!