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How Older difficult child's Cope With boyfriend/girlfriend Breakups?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 40101" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>I think it's important to remember that just because he's a difficult child, it does not mean he will have trouble with break ups as a teen. He may be okay with it and be able to detach and move on fine. on the other hand, I think it's great that you're even thinking about the future in that regard. Something to keep an eye on for sure.</p><p></p><p>From what I've witnessed with my own difficult child and her difficult child boyfriend's - they do seem to have a tendency to be more obsessive with one another and there often are miscommunications between them. difficult child and her first real romance lasted for almost 2 years and it was a sweet relationship, though a little too attached at the hip for my liking. When things started going sour it was mostly due to the fact that they were constantly connected somehow. I mean, they would sit on the phone and have nothing to say and then boyfriend would get annoyed with difficult child because she wasn't talking and he'd keep asking her if she was mad at him!! Well, if she wasn't before, she'd wind up being mad then - lol - seriously p'ed off!</p><p></p><p>When the break up finally happened, it wasn't enough that difficult child told him that she just wasn't in love with him anymore - he needed a REASON - something for him to really latch onto and understand, but difficult child didn't have any other reason other than she simply didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore...she'd lost interest and liked someone else (or perhaps she was needing a little spark in her life and what better way to do that than to create a crisis?) It got so bad that and he called and called, probably like 22 times one evening. difficult child wouldn't even answer the phone - finally, we had H get on the phone with the boyfriend and try to reason with him to give difficult child space and time and to stop calling. Then he harrassed her on line, it was awful. He yelled at me, he sent me creaming fits in IM's. I finally had to call his dad and I was very surprised that his dad didn't know anything about it at all - talk about clueless. Anyway, within a couple of weeks he had fallen in love with another girl! And then, of course, difficult child was devastated!</p><p></p><p>I was just telling a friend of mine to not let his daughters go soft. Toughening them up for life's disappointments is a good thing. I mean, when they fail as kids, such as when their team loses a game, their dog dies, or they miss a flyball or the tooth fairy forgets to put a bill under his pillow - teach them to let those small disappointments to roll off. Teach them that life is filled with disappointments and that things don't always go our way. When they make a HUGE deal out of a small thing, teach them to not let it ruin their whole day. I did this with my easy child, but with difficult child her reactions to everything were so intense and it was such a long time before she was diagnosed that we over reacted along with her so I don't think we ever really taught her to 'get a grip', if you will. </p><p></p><p>When she doesn't get the attention she thinks she's supposed to from any number of people in her life, she resorts to making up or creating crisis that isn't necessary.</p><p></p><p>Again, keep in mind, however, that this isn't a definite of the things to come.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 40101, member: 2211"] I think it's important to remember that just because he's a difficult child, it does not mean he will have trouble with break ups as a teen. He may be okay with it and be able to detach and move on fine. on the other hand, I think it's great that you're even thinking about the future in that regard. Something to keep an eye on for sure. From what I've witnessed with my own difficult child and her difficult child boyfriend's - they do seem to have a tendency to be more obsessive with one another and there often are miscommunications between them. difficult child and her first real romance lasted for almost 2 years and it was a sweet relationship, though a little too attached at the hip for my liking. When things started going sour it was mostly due to the fact that they were constantly connected somehow. I mean, they would sit on the phone and have nothing to say and then boyfriend would get annoyed with difficult child because she wasn't talking and he'd keep asking her if she was mad at him!! Well, if she wasn't before, she'd wind up being mad then - lol - seriously p'ed off! When the break up finally happened, it wasn't enough that difficult child told him that she just wasn't in love with him anymore - he needed a REASON - something for him to really latch onto and understand, but difficult child didn't have any other reason other than she simply didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore...she'd lost interest and liked someone else (or perhaps she was needing a little spark in her life and what better way to do that than to create a crisis?) It got so bad that and he called and called, probably like 22 times one evening. difficult child wouldn't even answer the phone - finally, we had H get on the phone with the boyfriend and try to reason with him to give difficult child space and time and to stop calling. Then he harrassed her on line, it was awful. He yelled at me, he sent me creaming fits in IM's. I finally had to call his dad and I was very surprised that his dad didn't know anything about it at all - talk about clueless. Anyway, within a couple of weeks he had fallen in love with another girl! And then, of course, difficult child was devastated! I was just telling a friend of mine to not let his daughters go soft. Toughening them up for life's disappointments is a good thing. I mean, when they fail as kids, such as when their team loses a game, their dog dies, or they miss a flyball or the tooth fairy forgets to put a bill under his pillow - teach them to let those small disappointments to roll off. Teach them that life is filled with disappointments and that things don't always go our way. When they make a HUGE deal out of a small thing, teach them to not let it ruin their whole day. I did this with my easy child, but with difficult child her reactions to everything were so intense and it was such a long time before she was diagnosed that we over reacted along with her so I don't think we ever really taught her to 'get a grip', if you will. When she doesn't get the attention she thinks she's supposed to from any number of people in her life, she resorts to making up or creating crisis that isn't necessary. Again, keep in mind, however, that this isn't a definite of the things to come. [/QUOTE]
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