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How on earth can I come up with something for Ache to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 638293" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>difficult child has always been active if anything. And extremely efficient in his own way. He doesn't do well with taskmasters or with someone watching over his shoulder, but when he is given a task and freedom to do it how he wants to, he gets it done and very quickly and usually well enough. Starting it may take it's sweet time, but when he starts, it is also quickly done. This is one of his strengths (he does have quite a lot of those; he wouldn't be this high functioning with all his issues, if he wouldn't) and I'm relieved it hasn't disappeared.</p><p></p><p>Also many of the steps forward in maturity wise have stuck. While he used to have a filthy room like many teen boys and did his chores after huge fights or because they were habits (he does stick to his habits and we certainly worked hard to teach him good habits when he was young. And it has paid off; self grooming, diet etc. are something he just does and doesn't question even when things are tough) after moving from home he started to take certain mature initiative when it comes to household chores. If he notices dryer has run it's course and is not busy, he will stop and take the clothes and fold them without anyone asking. Or if there are dirty dishes somewhere, he takes them to dishwasher, or if the indoor firewood rack is empty, he will carry the wood to warm up before they are needed and so on. In things like that he shows quite a lot of maturity and thoughtfulness already.</p><p></p><p>It is just that he can be so very uneven also maturity wise. Things he is currently doing to annoy us can be downright childish.</p><p></p><p>We do live in the big, old farm house. More than enough room for four of us. When this was first built over a century ago, there was more like 40 people living here than four (that was crowded though.) And while difficult child is big he isn't that big that it would make it uncomfortable. But he really does go out of his way to annoy us others. Great example, and this is downright ridiculous, is from this evening. I took my school work and went to our home office to read and write, difficult child was on the floor below reading and listening music (with headphones on, yay!) We have a central heating system with radiators. If you hit a radiator, the sound really carries around, even though otherwise our thick log walls tend to take care of noise problems. So he started to tap the radiator with his toe in the rhythm of the music he was listening. Irritating, but because best way to make him stop these kinds of things is to ignore it, I tried not to care. After a while, when he didn't get the response he wanted, he continued taping, but added every now and then one tap wrong, out of rhythm. It is one thing to have to listen rhythmical tapping, one can get used to that, but out of rhythm rhythm really drives you crazy.</p><p></p><p>This is of course totally silly and absolutely stupid reason to get irritated, but the problem is, that it is constant. He tries to provoke us and he doesn't stop. It may be big or small, but it doesn't stop. (Though tires of my car has stayed intact nor has he actually purposely broken anything, it has been more into our faces than his old passive-aggressive and backstabbing stunts.)</p><p></p><p>It also stresses me that husband just can't let it go. He knows that difficult child is trying to pick up a fight. He does know that best way to make him stop an irritating behaviour when he tries to pick up a fight is to ignore it. He isn't any more ready to kick difficult child out or really put his foot down than I am. And still he feels the need to correct or reprimand difficult child when that is an only thing difficult child is looking for. Even when husband very well knows that pretending to put your foot down, when you are not actually planning to carry it through only makes you look like a three year old futilely stomping your feet. And waiting for that to escalate is stressful for me.</p><p></p><p>And in our case difficult child really would end up to be someone else's toothache. We have big and close extended family and difficult child really hasn't burnt any bridges (he has tried, but it is difficult to burn a bridge, when person in the other side is throwing water on it.) They would take difficult child in, if we would kick him out. And they are not only ones. There are other people in difficult child's life, who are willing to give him a couch to sleep and place on their breakfast table. Some people actually like him a lot. And none of them really deserve to get our whelp to make their lives miserable. Not when he is like this.</p><p></p><p>Two more weeks. Hopefully...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 638293, member: 14557"] difficult child has always been active if anything. And extremely efficient in his own way. He doesn't do well with taskmasters or with someone watching over his shoulder, but when he is given a task and freedom to do it how he wants to, he gets it done and very quickly and usually well enough. Starting it may take it's sweet time, but when he starts, it is also quickly done. This is one of his strengths (he does have quite a lot of those; he wouldn't be this high functioning with all his issues, if he wouldn't) and I'm relieved it hasn't disappeared. Also many of the steps forward in maturity wise have stuck. While he used to have a filthy room like many teen boys and did his chores after huge fights or because they were habits (he does stick to his habits and we certainly worked hard to teach him good habits when he was young. And it has paid off; self grooming, diet etc. are something he just does and doesn't question even when things are tough) after moving from home he started to take certain mature initiative when it comes to household chores. If he notices dryer has run it's course and is not busy, he will stop and take the clothes and fold them without anyone asking. Or if there are dirty dishes somewhere, he takes them to dishwasher, or if the indoor firewood rack is empty, he will carry the wood to warm up before they are needed and so on. In things like that he shows quite a lot of maturity and thoughtfulness already. It is just that he can be so very uneven also maturity wise. Things he is currently doing to annoy us can be downright childish. We do live in the big, old farm house. More than enough room for four of us. When this was first built over a century ago, there was more like 40 people living here than four (that was crowded though.) And while difficult child is big he isn't that big that it would make it uncomfortable. But he really does go out of his way to annoy us others. Great example, and this is downright ridiculous, is from this evening. I took my school work and went to our home office to read and write, difficult child was on the floor below reading and listening music (with headphones on, yay!) We have a central heating system with radiators. If you hit a radiator, the sound really carries around, even though otherwise our thick log walls tend to take care of noise problems. So he started to tap the radiator with his toe in the rhythm of the music he was listening. Irritating, but because best way to make him stop these kinds of things is to ignore it, I tried not to care. After a while, when he didn't get the response he wanted, he continued taping, but added every now and then one tap wrong, out of rhythm. It is one thing to have to listen rhythmical tapping, one can get used to that, but out of rhythm rhythm really drives you crazy. This is of course totally silly and absolutely stupid reason to get irritated, but the problem is, that it is constant. He tries to provoke us and he doesn't stop. It may be big or small, but it doesn't stop. (Though tires of my car has stayed intact nor has he actually purposely broken anything, it has been more into our faces than his old passive-aggressive and backstabbing stunts.) It also stresses me that husband just can't let it go. He knows that difficult child is trying to pick up a fight. He does know that best way to make him stop an irritating behaviour when he tries to pick up a fight is to ignore it. He isn't any more ready to kick difficult child out or really put his foot down than I am. And still he feels the need to correct or reprimand difficult child when that is an only thing difficult child is looking for. Even when husband very well knows that pretending to put your foot down, when you are not actually planning to carry it through only makes you look like a three year old futilely stomping your feet. And waiting for that to escalate is stressful for me. And in our case difficult child really would end up to be someone else's toothache. We have big and close extended family and difficult child really hasn't burnt any bridges (he has tried, but it is difficult to burn a bridge, when person in the other side is throwing water on it.) They would take difficult child in, if we would kick him out. And they are not only ones. There are other people in difficult child's life, who are willing to give him a couch to sleep and place on their breakfast table. Some people actually like him a lot. And none of them really deserve to get our whelp to make their lives miserable. Not when he is like this. Two more weeks. Hopefully... [/QUOTE]
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