how over reactive is your difficult child wihen not feeling welll or

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    may have a slight injury or other ailment? When young, my difficult child used to be no problem when not feeling well but as he has gotten older, every minor thing is huge problem. If he hurts himself or is sick, he carries on like we need to call an ambulance or something! He howls about the pain, begs us to help him, etc.... Of course we assess the situation and offer appropriate measures, but what ever we suggest is no good. Nothing helps him, according to him, and he refuses to try anything. When we say we will take him to the doctor, he refuses to go saying the doctor can't do anything for him.
    Of course in the mornings when there is a minor illness or injury, this leads to refusal to go to school! Another joy! And believe me, majority of the time, there is nothing significantly wrong where he needs to stay home.
    This morning in the shower he started yelling because he got soap in his eyes and it was burning. Of course we rinsed it out for a while but as you can guess, that did not help. difficult child refused to get on the bus because his eyes were killing him and he could not even open them ( according to him). He refused to rinse them more and I looked closely and they were not even red. Of course I validated that I know soap can irritate the eyes and it will get better but the carrying on continued. By the way, difficult child was watching TV just fine with easy child, who was waiting for his bus to come.
    I told difficult child I would not call the school to call him in sick and when they called here asking where he was, I was going to tell them it was an illegal absence and to send someone to get him ( I have no idea if they do that or not). I also told difficult child there were no video game or friends later due to this behavior. difficult child then said he would go to school but wanted me to call the school later to check on him to see if he needed to see the doctor because of his eyes.... I said sure, whatever, just so I can get him to go. So I then drove him in to school late ( missed first period the for like the 10th time!) while he whined and moaned the whole time that I didn't believe him and I was mean. But he did get out of the car and go into school!
    Honestly though, is this over reacting to every little ailment common with kids who have anxiety? I know he does this to get out of doing something else he is not happy about but it is draining! Oh, and just my luck, husband was off today and although he thinks he helps by getting involved, it just escalates things because husband and difficult child are like oil and water! Ugh!

  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child 2 is just the opposite. He was a lot like your son when he was younger. For him, it was the "I'm dying" anxiety that fed itself. It was terrible for a few years.
  3. somerset

    somerset Member

    My difficult child is like that, but the part that I really recognize and hate dealing with, is the refusal to try anything that might help because they "already know" it won't help. THey put us in an impossible position. They have this dire situation which we are supposed to immediately fix, or we want to immediately fix because we need them to do what they are supposed to do, but there are no tenable options. Everything we suggest is shot down. My way of dealing with obstacles is to find a way around them or move them out of my way, but she'll just stand there complaining about it.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    My son feels everything to an extreme and is driven to the point of distraction for small (to us) hurts, itching, etc. It also ups his anxiety and he needs reassurance that he wont die (just this a.m. this happened over little white dots on his knee ) when full of adrenaline or similar state he does not feel pain and can crash his head thru a wall. For us this is all part of his sensory integration disorder. Have you ever had an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation? It is a possibility he really feels things differently I suppose.
  5. Buglover

    Buglover Member

    Sounds like classic transitioning fun to me!!!! Always a new exciting injury before school here too!

    My difficult child has sensory processing disorder (SPD) and is over-responsive to just about everything, including pain. This means horrible crying every time she stubs a toe, etc. Then yesterday she fell in a big rose bush while wearing shorts and barefoot. She just climbed out of it and kept playing with the dog, all covered in scratches and bleeding from some. SO I strongly suspect a correlation between Not Wanting To Do Something and How Much It Hurts.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I suspect there is a much stronger link between emotional pain and physical pain. If they are NOT in emotional pain, then the physical pain is not a big deal. BUT... anxiety and all sorts of other emotional hurts are very hard to "relate" to... so, the "pain" comes out with the first physical depiction of pain available.

    Before difficult child got to the point where emotional stuff was under control... I had to practically keep baidaids under lock and key - or he'd use whatever was available, in one day. NOW? I practically have to force him to USE a band-aid... even when it is absolutely necessary to prevent infection etc.
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Lol, sjexpress (though it's not really funny, I know) - your boy sounds very similar to mine! Every scrape and cut is a big drama and if he gets soap in his eyes, he screams and makes a fuss as though he is in literal agony. Although he is only five, I would say this behaviour has actually got worse since when he was little. Depending on the situation, I either take him at face value and comfort him, or try to "brace" him out of it: "Come on now, J, it's just a tiny graze, you're fine," etc. Sensory integration disorder or sensory processing disorder (I don't actually know the difference)?
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    If difficult child is truly sick he actually behaves really nicely. That's how I know he's really not feeling well. LOL!!

    As far as the headaches and the little hurts that ahppen along the way, it depends. If it's something that he thinks I can help him with, like headache, he will do what I tell him (unless it's to turn off the t.v. or the Xbox so that he can rest his eyes). If it's something that I think if ridiculous he will try to carry on about it, but that usually doesn't get him anywhere because I just don't have the patience for it.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx still did this up until she took off last year. Toe stubbed? Must be broken, and the screaming and carrying on was incredible. Of course we weren't allowed to TOUCH it, to look or even determine if it was bad enough to take her to the ER. So mostly we ignored her, told her until we were allowed to help, we couldn't do anything. Splinters were a NIGHTMARE for a while.

    Jett... Not so much, just exaggerating. You know when you burp and you get a little stomach acid with the air? And it's nasty? Jett would stop dead in his tracks, lean over and spit that on the ground (preferably carpet) and announce he'd thrown up. Um. One day when he was actually sick (fever, nothing else), my Dad stayed with him - and he "threw up" something like 25 times. My Dad called to ask how I didn't strangle him. Once we started making him clean it up, he quit spitting it on the carpet. The night he felt bad and climbed into bed with us, then puked all over husband - we didn't make him clean up, but he and husband moved to the floor and I moved to the sofa. (When he was actually sick, he wouldn't run for the bathroom or sink, he'd stop dead in his tracks. Not any more, after watching the DOG - who licked people in the FACE, especially JETT - clean it up...)
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When my difficult child is sick you know it because he is quiet and will do what we tell him too. With everything else difficult child does, we got lucky in the not over-reacting to being sick department. Hugs to you because I can imagine it is not any fun whatsoever.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We knew without a doubt when our boys were sick...they laid down on the couch and got quiet and church mice. Was the only times in their lives they were ever

    I do remember me being a filled with anxiety as a child and not wanting to go to school. it was a very hard place for me. Until Jr and Sr HS I didnt have friends. Even then I didnt have many. I was sick a lot and my mother made a huge fuss over anything that happened to me and it made me worry over everything that possibly happened to me. I was always told I was damaged goods so I would think I was damaged if any tiny thing happened but I wouldnt tell her but I would make up reasons I didnt want to go to school if it was dress out day for gym because someone might see something wrong.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jan, I'm with-the others ... when my difficult child is really sick, he is sick. You won't hear a peep out of him. (And he'll be burning hot to the touch.)

    When he's got a cut or scrape, he'll point it out and use it to his best advantage. "I CAN'T do the DISHES because I have a huge CUT! Didn't you SEE?!"

    I've learned to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Here's a BandAid. I hope you can get some reading done in your room, because with-a cut like that, you won't be able to play video games."
    Amazing, how the dishes get done and the complaining stops ... it takes a few tries, but they learn, eventually. :)
  13. jal

    jal Member

    The only time my difficult child is quiet is when he is sick, which is rare. He is the perfect child when riddled with a fever. He never complains, is sweet and compliant, but you sure know when the fever reliever hits because he's back to his old self, loud, hyper etc. Cuts or scrapes, no real over the top reaction to those. He'll bring it to our attention if its bleeding, but otherwise he goes on.