How quickly things can go downhill

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Feb 16, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    difficult child seemed to have a good day at school. When I picked her and her friend up they were laughing and joking. We dropped friend off and went to go get that ice cream that I promised her for getting to school on time. We came home (probably my mistake) and she got another snack. husband came in from talking to her math teacher about making up work. And, he of course started talking to her about when the teacher wanted the work made up. (Trigger anyone!) Well, it was time to go to IOP then, and she went into an all out fit. I had to put her shoes on her and husband had to carry her out to the car. On the way she apparently kept taking off her seat belt and open the car door while the car was moving. Once he got her to IOP he had to drag her out of the car. And hold her hand to get her in there (Until she saw the other kids then she willingly went in). Can anyone say theatrics?
    Then, my husband calls me and wants me to call IOP and let them know what she has been up to. UMMM aren't you there making sure she went in? Go up there and talk to the director. DUH!! Sometimes I just want husband to step up and help. It is so hard having to deal with all of this myself.

    So, I can see 2 things that set her off. 1) husband talking about math. That is the class that she gets most anxious about on a daily basis. and 2) the transition to going to IOP.

    Her fit/tantrum was about never being home. And, I get that. She gets home around 3 or 3:15 and we have to leave at 3:30 and then she doesn't get home until 8 ish. And still has to eat! That is one of my biggest complaints. These kids are in IOP from 4-7:15 with out a meal!!

    Sorry for the rambling message. Just trying to get it all out there. I am just now worried about tomorrow morning. This is the kind of thing that she will carry over. Well, I went to IOP and it is just a half day of school, I should just be able to stay home. I really just want to scream. I hate mental illness so freaking much. I do not know why I was chosen to parent this child, because I am not sure that I am equipped to do it. I am tired and sad. Sad for her and sad for easy child and sad for me and husband. I feel horrid, because after the initial night she was in psychiatric hospital, it was so peaceful here. I had forgotten what it is like to have that.

    easy child is bringing boyfriend home after rehearsal tonight, and I just want to tell him to go home. Which is not fair to easy child. It is just that they are so loud and ridiculous together. And she already told me that they are going to play Just Dance when they get here. Great thumping and Jumping.

    Breathe. This too will pass. I need to remind myself of this.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Drop the MATH class...?? It is obviously the one class that is causing significant issues... including the attitude of the teacher.

    The rest of it? {{hugs}}
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I know. But we are not absolutely sure that is the issue. We are just pulling straws at this point. I think part of it really was to see if she acted out this much if we would fold. Waiting for a call from IOP director right now.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I have told my husband on more than one occasion that it would nice if he could drive the cart for a little while. I know exactly how you feel.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    THanks Bunny. It is nice to know I'm not the only one carrying the load. It is a battle each morning, but she went to school everyday this week. Not happy, but she went. And, she only complained a little. Tried to get me to let her stay home but when I wouldn't fold she got herself ready. Complaining the whole time but she did it. husband was actually home this morning before school, and he still didn't help out. Oh well. I still got her to school on time.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I get forcing her to go but not you putting on her shoes... no way. (smile! I am trying to picture that with a teenager!) Just me, but I would either have put them in a bag and given them to husband or sent her as is. Her choice to have cold feet. I dont know if this would work for you, but I have never made socks, shoes or coats etc. a battle and we live in a cold state. Ultimately he always chooses to come back and get what he is missing (I do bring stuff in the trunk etc.. just in case he changes his mind...) She can explain that little fit to her peers. Seems like husband did do some of it but just pooped out and that is not a choice....if he didn't want to do it in front of her--maybe afraid to trigger her again-- he could have called them, not you... though I would have been tempted to risk letting them see a hissy fit by going in with her and telling them in front of her.

    She is sooo up and down... They still dont think bi-polar right? and you have the family history too if I remember. Is she on bc? my niece flips out (not to this extreme but super unreasonable and screaming etc...) and it is all hormone related.... easy to track to her period.

    gosh, so sorry for this stress... yeah Just make the decision for her... ok you dont do math now, then we drop it. To make up the credit do summer EASY math class. no longer her choice until she can handle more responsibility. It is all on her... when she can actually SHOW not just promise, that she can handle responsibility you can give some of the choices back. Just my thoughts but I am not having to actually be there and live it... and I know you are still working through the feelings that her potential or your dream for it is less for now...but it may not be a permanent thing...yes the typical schools have a time line but in real life... we have a life time to learn and get things done.

    Along with the sleep study did you ever do the neuropsychologist? I can't remember...sorry I should be able to remember that. Just seems like she has some issue going on... being gifted/having high potential does not mean there are not some subtle learning issues going on. Maybe not anything at all going on.... besides the mood/anxiety issues, but since our kids are so exquisitely sensitive to every little problem, if there is anything... ticking off a little extra issue or two (which ultimately can be huge to them) can at least make it so the other treatments have a chance.
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    You know I never thought about BC! Duh. And I think she is about due to be starting. That may be something to add in. They still are saying no Bipolar. We did get the lovely non diagnosis of ODD, along with her depressive disorder not otherwise specified, and severe depressive situation?not otherwise specified. So, no one can tell us what is causing the ODD.