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Substance Abuse
How to be a parent to an addict that is 32 yrs old???
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 685250" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I think it is about being able to look in the mirror. Our kids are in there somewhere and know they have wronged us.</p><p>With addicts, the drug speaks louder than anything. Since your son is in court ordered rehab, not of his own volition, he must be wrestling really hard with <em>everything</em>. He is not there because he wants to be, but because he<em> has to.</em></p><p>Not trying to make excuses for him, yes addicts are <em>very self centered</em>.</p><p>I read an interesting article about the shame addicts feel when they stop using. It gave this insight....when high, they don't think about the things they have done and choices they have made that hurt loved ones. When not high, all of those memories are there to haunt them and the thought was, for some, that this is part of why sobriety is so hard. The guilt and shame is overwhelming. The high numbs all of that. It is a viscious cycle.</p><p>Perhaps your son does not want to hear about what he has done to hurt you and how <em>you feel</em>, because he is consumed by that already? He is feeling badly for himself and your feelings just add to it.</p><p>A relationship with our addicted loved ones is not normal to say the least. We are human, we all make mistakes. The wrongs committed by our d cs are off the charts and cause immense pain and turmoil in our lives.</p><p>I know at a certain point of recovery, an addict is ready to apologize. Perhaps your son has not reached that point. Hearing how his lifestyle hurts you is<em> too much for him. </em></p><p>If my two were anywhere near rehab, I would be very glad. The hope would be <em>recovery</em> for them.</p><p></p><p>This is what detachment is about also.</p><p></p><p>They work on themselves (in my case, <em>not happening yet</em>), and we, as parents need to work on <em>ourselves</em>.</p><p>Validation and apologies for pain inflicted on us by our kids may not come in the time frame we would like. Your son is on a journey in rehab, and you are on your own journey trying to make sense of things, strengthen and rebuild yourself. Switch your focus from him, to you. This is where alanon, naranon, would help to get a good grasp on the mechanics of addiction. The only control we have is over ourselves. It is vital to work at changing our patterns of response to our d cs and work through our own feelings, so that no matter what the future brings for our kids, we are able to live our own lives.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 685250, member: 19522"] I think it is about being able to look in the mirror. Our kids are in there somewhere and know they have wronged us. With addicts, the drug speaks louder than anything. Since your son is in court ordered rehab, not of his own volition, he must be wrestling really hard with [I]everything[/I]. He is not there because he wants to be, but because he[I] has to.[/I] Not trying to make excuses for him, yes addicts are [I]very self centered[/I]. I read an interesting article about the shame addicts feel when they stop using. It gave this insight....when high, they don't think about the things they have done and choices they have made that hurt loved ones. When not high, all of those memories are there to haunt them and the thought was, for some, that this is part of why sobriety is so hard. The guilt and shame is overwhelming. The high numbs all of that. It is a viscious cycle. Perhaps your son does not want to hear about what he has done to hurt you and how [I]you feel[/I], because he is consumed by that already? He is feeling badly for himself and your feelings just add to it. A relationship with our addicted loved ones is not normal to say the least. We are human, we all make mistakes. The wrongs committed by our d cs are off the charts and cause immense pain and turmoil in our lives. I know at a certain point of recovery, an addict is ready to apologize. Perhaps your son has not reached that point. Hearing how his lifestyle hurts you is[I] too much for him. [/I] If my two were anywhere near rehab, I would be very glad. The hope would be [I]recovery[/I] for them. This is what detachment is about also. They work on themselves (in my case, [I]not happening yet[/I]), and we, as parents need to work on [I]ourselves[/I]. Validation and apologies for pain inflicted on us by our kids may not come in the time frame we would like. Your son is on a journey in rehab, and you are on your own journey trying to make sense of things, strengthen and rebuild yourself. Switch your focus from him, to you. This is where alanon, naranon, would help to get a good grasp on the mechanics of addiction. The only control we have is over ourselves. It is vital to work at changing our patterns of response to our d cs and work through our own feelings, so that no matter what the future brings for our kids, we are able to live our own lives. (((Hugs))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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How to be a parent to an addict that is 32 yrs old???
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